Healing Your Inner Critic With Scott Grace

Welcome to Overcome - a Mental Health Podcast

In this episode, we speak with Scott Grace on how to heal your inner critic and wipe those thoughts of anxiety away.

Scott is a forty-year veteran teacher of transformation, he is a stand-up comedian who opened up for Robin Williams and Dana Carvey, an author of four books, and a singer-songwriter who, back when music was placed on tiny spinning discs,  produced nine CDs of original songs.

 https://www.scottsongs.com

Connect with Scott and his offerings. You can subscribe, as well as immerse yourself in all the free stuff resources, including my Spiritual Dr. Seuss videos, which have gotten over 2.5 million views on YouTube, my conscious comedy videos (I used to open for Robin Williams, Dana Carvey, and many other comedic legends), information about my life coaching and how to get a custom made song portrait as a gift for a loved one, including yourself.

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Transcript

00:00.00
Travis White
so add Hello and welcome to you Overcome a Mental Health Podcast. I'm excited to be here today and I'm excited to announce the our guest Scott Grace. Scott, how are you doing?

00:14.87
ScottGrace
I'm great! Happy to be here, Travis.

00:17.15
Travis White
and

00:19.89
Travis White
Before I turn the time over to Scott, um I want you to read a quick bio of him, and I'm hoping I can do this with a straight face. but Let's see how this goes.

00:33.91
Travis White
Morning, Scott Grace, who has been described as a cross between John Denver Robin Williams and Dr. Seuss is wanted by the authorities for creating the piece as well as defying the law of gravity with levity. context Contact with Scott is likely to be hazardous to your misery as he has provoked outbreaks of joy in four out of five laboratory humans.

01:00.55
Travis White
It is illegal that Scott's work has not has self-threatened to cut into the sales of antidepressants that pharmaceutical companies have offered him millions to retire. Scott gives keynotes using stolen identity, aka the spirit of Dr. Seuss. His feel-good viruses on YouTube have infected over 2.5 million people just for of his Sushian videos. Scott has been known to practice life coaching without a license, eluding the police by working on Zoom. He fancies himself an intuitive channel with who smuggles wisdom and guidance over the border from beings he calls spirit guides, or who are also not licensed and who have allegedly not

01:46.43
Travis White
filed a tax return in several lifetimes. As a front, Scott does do various legal above the board activities. He has written four books in his latin latest being Mindful Masculinity. Scott also has recorded nine CDs, Remember CDs, of his original music and comedy he presents.

02:08.43
Travis White
As an inspirational guest speaker and singer at schools, and corporate events, as an occasional stand-up comedian in the Bay Area, he has shared the stage with Dana Carvey and Robin Williams. But don't be fooled, his rampage of song portraits custom-made personalized song gifts that horror people for their birthdays, anniversaries, or for no reason at all, have been killing people softly there's with their songs since 1987. Authorities would very much like your help in apprehending Scott. Try catching him at www.scot-songs dot.com or on YouTube or Facebook.

02:53.63
Travis White
And I'd like to now turn the time over to Scott and hear about how we can heal our inner critic.

03:03.89
ScottGrace
Wow, that was the first time I've ever heard that. That was great. Thank you. I am pleased to be here with you all. I have had quite a journey in my life with my inner critic.

03:18.23
ScottGrace
And my intention is to help you shine a light upon it because it's usually in the dark. And that's why it's so painful because it's not conscious. And and when it's subconscious, yeah it hurts.

03:39.17
ScottGrace
But when you are conscious of it, you can choose to detach. And because knowledge is power, you can choose to listen to a different voice. So my inner critic was born, so to speak, when I was about seven years old. I remember I was stealing money from my parents. And I must have been a very angry young man. And they caught me.

04:10.71
ScottGrace
but They knew it was me, but they they told me that they suspected my housekeeper, Eunice, who was like a second mother to me. And they said, is there anything you want to tell us, Scott? Because we're about to fire Eunice. We'll give you a few days. And it was the hardest few days of my life. And finally,

04:39.39
ScottGrace
All this fear and shame through it all came the three words, I did it. And my parents said, we're not gonna punish you because we see how hard you've been punishing yourself. And that experience, plus just many others like it, gave me the idea that if I punish myself enough,

05:06.36
ScottGrace
I will be safer in this world. My parents, the if if everybody sees me being hard on myself, then they'll leave me alone and they'll have compassion for me. So the inner critic was born as a survival strategy to help me survive a troubled and sometimes traumatic world, let alone childhood. I got really good at it. I became really good at

05:38.61
ScottGrace
beating myself up. In fact, i i I got to the feeling that all the addictions and distractions that were running my life were caused by this main addiction, the addiction to beating myself up. And so I looked around for a 12-step program to help me with that because i it it it was driving me to drink, do drugs, all kinds of sexual and codependency issues.

06:09.87
ScottGrace
So I thought, let's go to the root cause and deal with that addiction, the addiction to being hard on myself. And I couldn't find any 12-step group that dealt with it.

06:21.79
ScottGrace
So I started my own. And it was called Crit-a-holism. So I would get up there and I would speak and I would say, you know, I'm Scott Grace and I'm a Crit-a-holic.

06:28.48
Travis White
I like it.

06:38.37
ScottGrace
And I would say my story. I wasn't always a critic, I used to be able to enjoy ah a few harmless judgments of myself and others at parties. But then as the disease progressed, I started waking up my day and just pouring some straight self-criticism in. I started criticizing myself while I was alone. And one day I was thinking and driving.

07:07.76
ScottGrace
And I lived in California at the time and a policeman pulled me over and he said, do you know how, do you know how much you were criticizing yourself? I said, no, no officer. He said 84 thoughts per hour. And I said, Oh my God. He said, the limit is 65 here in California. I'm going to have to write you up.

07:28.34
ScottGrace
Oh, I said, please don't. So i had I had to go to court. And the judge let me be my own prosecuting attorney because he knew I had so much experience in that role. So I won my case. I was found guilty. And and yet, it was my first offense. So the judge let me off and sent me to a hospital that specialized in the treatment of what he suspected I had, which was chronic critique syndrome.

07:59.42
ScottGrace
So the doctors examined me and they were blunt. They said, you're in you're in critical condition. And if you don't learn to be more gentle with yourself, by the time you're in your 40s, you might have a cardiac arrest. And that's when I became committed to resting my critic for my mental health.

08:29.63
ScottGrace
And yes, that was tongue in cheek. But I've written a lovely bunch of songs to help heal the inner critic, to soften it, to relax it.

08:44.40
ScottGrace
And I'll share with you part of one.

08:46.73
Travis White
and Okay.

08:48.47
ScottGrace
Once I thought, by now I'd be Mr. Functionality. t Perfect.

08:59.48
ScottGrace
and complete in every way.

09:06.60
ScottGrace
I still get lost and then get found as I walk this sacred stumbling ground. I need to reassure me I'm okay.

09:24.08
ScottGrace
a Sometimes fumble in the dirt I have a heart that can feel hurt So I hear a voice of wisdom say Handle yourself with care a There's a precious child of God in there Handle yourself with care There's a precious child of God in there There's a judge inside I'm sometimes strong, convinced I'm doing my whole life wrong So quick to rise up to my prosecution

10:21.80
ScottGrace
oh But as I grow, it's getting clear The judge is just a voice of fear Gentleness, my only real how can the child inside feel safe when I'm trying to whip myself in shame?

10:52.16
ScottGrace
a There must be a gentler way to grow a The petals of my heart open in a loving self-environment and you A flower grows and blooms when it's given the root a Handle yourself with care There's a precious child of God in there Handle yourself with care There's a precious child of God

11:41.35
ScottGrace
in a

11:46.93
Travis White
Love it. Love it. I love how you use music to help people heal.

11:52.43
ScottGrace
Yeah. Yeah, and to help myself heal. Primarily, I write songs for myself. And then lo and behold, other people are like me. They're working with the same issues.

12:07.40
Travis White
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

12:09.80
ScottGrace
My guitar almost fell. I fell and got it.

12:11.27
Travis White
Nope. You're good. You're good.

12:14.57
ScottGrace
Yes.

12:16.18
Travis White
It's amazing to me like how healing music music is.

12:26.59
ScottGrace
Yeah.

12:30.36
ScottGrace
Yeah. So you got to give me some something something to chew on here.

12:30.62
Travis White
but

12:38.51
ScottGrace
I'm afraid of silence.

12:40.57
Travis White
I am too. I'm pulling up my notes really quick. I apologize. I had them here and then I opened up something to read your bio and then so they disappeared from my.

12:56.01
ScottGrace
I've got it. I got it. I'm on a roll. So the inner critic is a voice of fear. That's what the the song just said.

13:03.47
Travis White
Mm hmm.

13:05.59
ScottGrace
So one of my tools, one of the things that works for me when I find myself in critical condition, when I'm you know disapproving and beating up on myself for the choices or just you know feeling blah, is i I dialogue with the inner critic and I say, you know, I'm curious, what what are you worried about or afraid of? um And over the years I've developed a relationship. So critic might say, I'm afraid you're not gonna make enough money. I'm afraid if you don't apply yourself, you're you're just not gonna be happy. I'm afraid that it has to be done really soon that you're way out of time

13:54.81
ScottGrace
I'm afraid that you're going to die, and God's going to say, you better go back. You didn't learn your lessons.

14:03.15
ScottGrace
yeah It goes on and on. but And then I listen, and I say, well, thank you.

14:04.81
Travis White
Yeah.

14:10.10
ScottGrace
And what what do you want? you know like Do you want me to be happy? Yes, I want you to be happy. So the inner critic is ah is like a life coach.

14:22.21
ScottGrace
that is on the sidelines of your life. And it learned how to support you and cheer you on by people who were afraid. And so it's developed a strategy of encouraging you by by making you afraid, by making you feel bad.

14:44.71
Travis White
Yeah. And this, this speaks volumes to like, my inner critic is definitely like, to me speaking about my anxiety, which is something I deal with every single day. And it's, it's exactly the same thing that you were just saying. It's like, am I good enough? Am I, am I, do you want me to do more God? Do you want me to like, am I going to make it past today? Um, so.

15:14.66
Travis White
What like go off of kind of like people who feel like they're not good enough? but what What do you say to those people?

15:28.30
ScottGrace
May I um speak personally to you, Travis?

15:31.91
Travis White
You sure can.

15:33.65
ScottGrace
Okay. Yeah. Cause you're in the room. I can connect with you.

15:42.11
ScottGrace
First of all, what I'm sensing is that it's a lifelong journey and it's, it's.

15:55.96
ScottGrace
We all come in with life lessons and that are going to be ah worked with for term most, if not all, of our life. And and we live in a society that think that makes us think, oh, let me snap my fingers, pop an affirmation, get on a meditation cushion. And in a few months, I'll be i'll be confident and clear and feel much better about myself and never procrastinate or whatever. And and really,

16:32.87
ScottGrace
wow, what a crock. The standards that we were taught to hold ourselves to are impossible, unrealistic. And the inner critic comes along with a whipping stick and says,

16:50.99
ScottGrace
You're not doing it. you're You're not living up to the standards. So one thing I would say is is question your standards. who Who gave you those standards? What is their purpose? are Are they true and real for you? Or do they come from the heart? And give yourself a lot of patience because that not good enough voice is a voice of fear.

17:22.64
ScottGrace
And it's also the voice of maybe parents and teachers and and the whole vibe of the culture. you know the Even the advertising industry takes advantage of, you know you're not enough, but you'll feel enough when you buy our product.

17:41.61
ScottGrace
So let's let's see what comes out with the guitar.

17:44.89
Travis White
Okay.

17:45.53
ScottGrace
Every day you deal with anxiety And mental patterns you wish you were free of Yet you get up and you do your best e

18:14.19
ScottGrace
Fantasizing about being a success say As if God is displeased That just ain't the truth You've been loved and protected Ever since your youth

18:41.80
ScottGrace
It's gonna be alright. In fact, it already is. It's just for you to learn to self-forgive.

18:56.46
ScottGrace
e It's a lifetime of practicing. It's how you find your angel wings. Smile upon yourself.

19:10.88
ScottGrace
And forgive. a

19:18.17
Travis White
I think, too, that's the hardest part. um It's talking that song about forgiving yourself.

19:27.03
ScottGrace
Yes.

19:27.44
Travis White
And that doesn't always come too easily.

19:31.90
ScottGrace
Yeah, yeah it's it's an it's an old habit that needs a new habit.

19:40.78
Travis White
And another thing I want to touch base on on what you said was when you were talking about the self affirmations and stuff, we can be told to repeat them in our head all the time. But until we really actually subconsciously learn how to like catch us in our worst moments, like they don't help, at least not for me.

20:06.00
ScottGrace
Yeah, yeah, screw those affirmations. when When I'm down to a certain level of self-pity, it's not affirmations that help. it's for For me, it's a a good cry.

20:25.55
ScottGrace
maybe singing, dancing, asking for love, asking for a hug, um asking telling people I care about. I have temporarily forgotten who I am. Could you remind me? What do you see when you look into my eyes?

20:43.45
Travis White
Yeah, that's that's really good.

20:44.16
ScottGrace
that's that's Yeah, yeah.

20:48.27
Travis White
And I think um I think it's important to have a good cry. For me, it's a lot of, I like to surround myself with um people that will listen to me.

20:59.83
Travis White
And sometimes I don't always want like, I don't always want them to say anything.

21:02.45
ScottGrace
Yeah. Yeah.

21:06.20
Travis White
There's times I do, but I guess it depends on the moment.

21:08.56
ScottGrace
Yeah.

21:08.41
Travis White
But I think someone to sit there, you know what?

21:11.68
ScottGrace
There's a work I do online called Authentic Relating.

21:11.48
Travis White
How are you really feeling? Like what's going on in your mind? So, but I, I enjoyed the good cry as well.

21:23.49
ScottGrace
yeah there's so there's a work i do online called authentic relating And it's it's a ah tribe of people all over the world and we practice deep listening, deep authentic sharing and no fixing.

21:42.75
ScottGrace
And that's beautiful stuff. I feel closer to some of these people I've met online than I do with with ah people in my life in the flesh.

21:54.88
ScottGrace
And it's because of this practice of really taking each other in and

21:57.42
Travis White
Mm hmm.

22:00.33
ScottGrace
and not judging and not fixing.

22:04.53
Travis White
Can you dive in a little bit more on what you mean by like not fixing, like just kind of the meaning behind it and what you.

22:10.99
ScottGrace
Yeah, well, okay. Well, when people share something, they they want something back.

22:17.68
Travis White
Mm hmm.

22:20.39
ScottGrace
And we come from a culture that doesn't really teach people how to be self-aware around this. So I teach. If somebody says, you know, I want to talk to you about blah, blah, blah. Uh, what cap I would say, what would you like from me? What would you like me to put on my just listen cap? Or do you want me to problem solve with you? Do you want my feedback? What are you looking for? So they get conscious of what they're they're wanting in return. I don't like it when people just vent. I like.

22:54.79
ScottGrace
I get turned off by that, but when they say, you know, I have some feelings and I'd love to be heard, do you have a moment to hear me?

22:54.23
Travis White
Yeah.

23:03.50
ScottGrace
That's that that's that's much much easier, yeah.

23:05.27
Travis White
It's different, yeah.

23:07.96
ScottGrace
So fixing is is ah yeah often out of really beautiful intentions, you know, caring, and and very very often it's a man in this position, and it's a woman who who is,

23:24.10
ScottGrace
talking to him, just wanting his caring, his empathy, his presence. And he says, well, have you gone to that chiropractor?

23:34.33
ScottGrace
Or, you know, wait, I'll fix it. And she just doesn't doesn't feel heard.

23:38.92
Travis White
Not.

23:40.95
ScottGrace
Sometimes his desire to fix comes from the insecurity and anxiety that he's feeling because he doesn't know how to hold space for emotions, his emotions or hers. And if I don't let myself be sad or mad or you know anxious, if i if I don't connect empathically to myself, I'm not gonna really be able to listen to anyone else. And part of the way that I deflect listening is by trying to fix or judge.

24:18.20
Travis White
Yeah.

24:19.78
ScottGrace
Yeah.

24:19.52
Travis White
And I feel, I feel like in situations like that, when somebody like tries to fix me, it, I feel like it doesn't take care of the, the real situation at hand. Like I want it to.

24:32.32
ScottGrace
yeah Yeah. Yeah. And so part of it is the responsibility of the one who's talking. it

24:41.00
Travis White
Hmm.

24:42.25
ScottGrace
to get into the habit of saying, what i what I would love for you to do right now is just listen, maybe make some nonverbal noises like, oh, you know, whatever.

24:52.77
Travis White
Yeah.

24:55.28
ScottGrace
But to really give specific detailed GPS type of instructions on what you want back from the person.

25:04.05
Travis White
Yeah. Makes sense. Being basically just being more vocal about what you're expecting.

25:10.62
ScottGrace
Indeed.

25:13.15
Travis White
Which is. Yeah, I haven't always been good with that, but

25:21.23
Travis White
through throughout my marriage I've been learning I said I should say especially my marriage I haven't been always good at that but now I'm i'm learning to do a lot better.

25:32.88
ScottGrace
Good for you. Yeah, that's the best training ground in town and intimate relationship.

25:40.84
ScottGrace
Yeah. So what I've been doing lately is writing down any thought that has the energy of should in it.

25:52.34
ScottGrace
I have like a should journal. And every time I feel this tension,

25:55.40
Travis White
Okay.

25:58.22
ScottGrace
and I know that that i'm I'm telling myself I should do this differently, or I should get started on that, or I should clean the house. I write it down. and And I look at my list, and this is why my my latest book is called Mindful Masculinity, a book for men and the women who love them, because mindfulness, let's say awareness of what I'm thinking,

26:26.53
ScottGrace
is illuminating and it frees me to laugh at what I've been thinking, to change what I'm thinking, to detach from the emotional reactions from what I'm thinking. So I think it's a good idea to see if you're just like full of shoulds, where did those shoulds come from? Did they come from parents, culture, society?

26:51.00
Travis White
Mm hmm.

26:52.19
ScottGrace
your own, it doesn't matter really, you don't have to analyze them, but just just to be able to see them. And it occurred to me that I'm i'm dominated. My thoughts are dominated by should thinking.

27:07.38
ScottGrace
eight

27:11.52
ScottGrace
So what do I do?

27:11.70
Travis White
Yeah.

27:12.72
ScottGrace
One of my defense mechanisms and one of my gifts is to bring humor to something really hard and painful.

27:13.12
Travis White
Yeah.

27:21.41
Travis White
yeah

27:23.75
ScottGrace
So I have this, you you're on the verge of wanting to say something. um that is

27:27.76
Travis White
Yeah, I was, I was just going to say the the humor thing. It's a for me, cause I'm, I'm a very sarcastic, smart, elky person. If you really get to know me and I find the humor thing being a blessing at a curse at the same time, right I can go in and laugh at anything, but there's moments where I'm like, okay, I shouldn't have said that.

27:38.58
ScottGrace
Yeah. Yeah.

27:52.20
Travis White
And I need to learn to respond to that type of situation differently.

27:56.93
ScottGrace
Sure. Yeah. So I wrote a bunch of songs and a bunch of poems as my altered ego, the spiritual Dr. Seuss.

28:09.71
ScottGrace
And many of them deal with this critical voice. So let me lay one on you, or at least part of it.

28:14.90
Travis White
Okay.

28:16.11
ScottGrace
So my critic travels with me on this earth, and is my companion for worse or worse? It pretends it's my friend, my bestest amigo. And it pours on the guilt. That's the drink of my ego. It's there to protect me, to help me be strong. So it has to remind me I'm doing it wrong. I'm weak and I'm lazy and I don't have a clue. That's my drill sergeant critic trying to motivate me.

28:52.13
ScottGrace
My critic wants me to be all I can be, so it gives me these pep talks all day and for free. Oh, the places I go and the guilt trips I travel, as the critic plays judge and bangs down on its gavel. But I always can get some relief from my shame by projecting it onto the others I blame. For that is my critic at its beastiest best.

29:21.53
ScottGrace
It nurses its grievances close to its chest. Republicans, liberals, your parents, my ex, the world is just teeming with folks to correct.

29:33.20
ScottGrace
If only those fools could conform to my ways, I could get on with life without further delays.

29:43.06
ScottGrace
Now this is a six minute poem. It doesn't end there, but I think I'll stop for the purpose of our podcast. It does have a happy ending.

29:49.24
Travis White
Yeah.

29:51.79
Travis White
it And how did you, how did you come up with the that alter ego?

29:58.26
ScottGrace
I had been ah reading Dr. Seuss to my daughter. She was two years old. And one night I read read her one of his books, tucked her in, and then I couldn't get his voice and his rhyming scheme, his style, out of my head. And I sat with that. And I moved around a couple of days.

30:22.09
ScottGrace
just everything was like Dr. Seuss. I'm glad I trusted myself to know that it was a good thing because I could have ended up in a hospital.

30:29.62
Travis White
Mmhmm.

30:35.22
ScottGrace
So I went to the computer one night and because i I was noticing that this voice was very positive and cheerful and had a lot of wisdom. So I started writing and

30:50.40
ScottGrace
took about three months for the first poem to to be done. And then there came five more. So right now I have a body of work ah that's in a book called, Oh, The Places Your Ego Will Go.

31:02.40
Travis White
I'll please.

31:05.49
ScottGrace
And I put a bunch of it in in my latest book, Mindful Masculinity. So the spiritual Dr.

31:11.58
Travis White
Awesome.

31:12.88
ScottGrace
Seuss is a big part of of what I do and how I help people.

31:15.10
Travis White
I do.

31:17.82
Travis White
that's That's really cool. it's It's hard to kind of decipher like those good ideas from the bad ones and and' so I'm glad that you moved forward with it.

31:28.60
ScottGrace
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know some people would say there's no such thing as a bad idea.

31:37.21
Travis White
Yeah, it's true.

31:38.18
ScottGrace
thomas said it tom Well, ah Miles Davis said, in jazz, there are no wrong notes. And Thomas Edison said, somebody asked him, you failed 1999 times to to create a light bulb.

31:58.49
ScottGrace
What kept you going? And he said, I didn't and fail. i i I didn't fail. I i was, I forgot what he said, building, I was building a light bulb. You know, like each one helped me learn how to get it right.

32:18.97
ScottGrace
So we're all works in progress.

32:19.06
Travis White
Yeah.

32:24.64
Travis White
Yeah. And if he would have done that, where would we be at the light bulb now? Like, it's just trusting yourself and, uh,

32:30.25
ScottGrace
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

32:40.99
ScottGrace
Trusting yourself. I don't do that easily. You know, when I said, when I said life, like there are lessons that we learned for a lifetime.

32:46.36
Travis White
yeah

32:51.58
ScottGrace
That's one of them for me. That is definitely one of them. It's yeah, go ahead.

32:56.74
Travis White
yeah Yeah, yeah, I was just gonna say I'm the same way. I don't trust myself a lot. um So this podcast idea I've been sitting on for probably over a year now, and I've just never been like, you know what, like, it's it's always been felt like I don't trust myself to do it.

33:14.96
Travis White
um

33:17.32
Travis White
I don't know if it's going to get people to view it. Like, I don't know how I'm going to.

33:22.13
ScottGrace
Hey, you just rhymed. I don't know if I can do it. Will people come to view it? And when they let it go, with it we'll go ahead and keep going.

33:27.80
Travis White
It was totally, yeah, totally, totally, totally unintentional.

33:31.30
ScottGrace
I'm not at all.

33:33.61
Travis White
Um, but and that stopped me for a long time and because I didn't know how to even go about it. And I feel like every time I got in front of a microphone, it was like, I felt this like imposter syndrome coming over me.

33:47.59
ScottGrace
Yes. Yes.

33:49.19
Travis White
Like, okay, I'm not, I'm not good enough to even do this, but now, now I'm here and I'm trying it and, um, I'm hoping to nail it.

33:58.16
ScottGrace
And you're nailing it.

34:01.88
ScottGrace
Oh, you're nailing it.

34:02.17
Travis White
I think.

34:03.77
ScottGrace
yeah you You embody courage because you're insecure and you're doing it anyway. and And think of how many people could be empowered and inspired by you because most people who are insecure and deal with anxiety don't do what you're doing.

34:24.44
ScottGrace
you know feel

34:24.50
Travis White
Yeah, that's

34:25.96
ScottGrace
Feeling fear and doing something anyway is the essence of courage.

34:32.21
Travis White
And that's exactly what I'm hoping to do is find those few people to that I can inspire and um get them to move past any struggles that they're dealing with and maybe just open up about themselves.

34:46.84
ScottGrace
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, you' you've earned the right to create safety for troubled people because of what you've been through, what you're doing here on this podcast. You're you're ready.

35:13.53
Travis White
Let's see. ah So you've mentioned in your bio, it mentions that you've you do stand up. You still do stand up to this day.

35:25.59
ScottGrace
Yeah, in fact, I have a gig tomorrow night. I live in Mexico and just every once in a while I do professional stand up. It's not a major part of my life.

35:37.38
Travis White
and and And I just have to ask you, uh, you said it says you shared the stage with Robin Williams and Dana Carvey. Did you, I would just be curious. Did you get to meet either of them?

35:48.34
Travis White
I just be curious, honestly, to know, I know this is a little bit off subject. What it was, if you met Robin Williams, what it was like, just cause I just think his character itself.

35:56.82
ScottGrace
i i I was in the green room. That's this backstage. And and i I met him and we shook hands.

36:02.16
Travis White
Yeah.

36:06.59
ScottGrace
He looked at me very, very quickly and then looked down and spoke about having just gotten back from Iraq. And ah I didn't feel like there was any are room for connection.

36:25.06
ScottGrace
he seemed

36:24.52
Travis White
Yeah.

36:26.41
ScottGrace
not just humble, but kind of ah self very self-critical and didn't know how to be himself when he wasn't joking around.

36:39.44
ScottGrace
That's my assessment. Many Canadians, myself included, are fueled by self-hatred.

36:42.07
Travis White
Yeah. And obviously with Robin Williams, we we

36:55.86
Travis White
Uh, it's pretty much been said that that was, that was a lot of the case was the self hatred.

37:02.30
ScottGrace
Yeah, but look what he did with it.

37:04.23
Travis White
Oh, I know still to this day, he's one of the, like his comedy stuff is just, I love it.

37:06.80
ScottGrace
Yeah.

37:14.66
ScottGrace
Yeah. and And of course, his serious acting, he just, he didn't just such.

37:19.03
Travis White
and You could do it all.

37:21.80
ScottGrace
Yeah. Yeah.

37:23.18
Travis White
You could do it all.

37:27.18
Travis White
Ah, where was that one that?

37:38.16
Travis White
Okay, we're heading down.

37:45.14
Travis White
Okay, this is a good one that I took off of something of yours. So going back on track here, sorry, I kind of go off on tangents sometimes.

37:57.61
Travis White
um But whereas we were talking about the the inner critic, and sometimes we don't like what the inner critic has to say, like, how how do we just get that inner critic to shut up and stop bothering us?

38:13.19
ScottGrace
Well, shut up! ah that's one That's one technique.

38:16.54
Travis White
he

38:19.37
ScottGrace
It hasn't worked very well for me. ah

38:28.64
ScottGrace
Since the inner critic is fear, it's just a voice of fear.

38:36.15
ScottGrace
there's got to be a exploration of, wow, what am I afraid of? And another part of me needs to be comforting the inner child that is the one trembling because of what the inner critic is saying. And also like empathizing with the and inner critic. cant You know, and you're you're being really, really loud and and it's really hurting my feelings. What are you trying to do? Why are you doing this? It hurts. Maybe that's not your intention, but I ah want you to really just chill. I need encouragement, not discouragement. and This is a voice that is the re-parenting that we all need to do.

39:35.86
ScottGrace
and the reparent the parent inside that is being developed by being kind and gentle and forgiving. These are lifelong practices.

39:49.50
Travis White
Mm hmm.

39:51.69
ScottGrace
yeah For some people it might work to say, shut up in there. Just shut the fuck up. You are not my savior. You are not my minister. You are not my daddy. You are nothing. Go into a corner. Suck your thumb. Because for some of us, the inner critic is like a bully. And so standing up to the bully can be helpful.

40:15.76
ScottGrace
I don't want you to talk to me like that. That is not helpful. You got something to say, you say it with kindness.

40:23.99
Travis White
Yeah, and and and i've I've been in some, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't call it intense therapy, but it's not.

40:25.87
ScottGrace
And if you if you can learn to be encouraging, your encouraging positive self-talk is going to support me in being more courageous. But this discouraging critical voice is shutting me down. It doesn't motivate me.

40:53.95
Travis White
So I've been going to some therapy sessions. And ah the other, not too long ago, I think it was last week, we're speaking of kind of like this self talk stuff.

41:05.14
Travis White
And he said the key, the therapist said the key to to it is to subconsciously like stop and it's not always easy to do because we're always you're usually generally the person everybody's like the general person is like harsh on themselves thinking negative thoughts and it's not easy to get those words of encouragement until you learn to subconsciously stop and be like you know what that that inner critic is being negative right now Like I need to push that thought away and bring on something positive. And um it's,

41:45.49
Travis White
I've actually found myself now like stopping and thinking like when something bad's happening and, or I'm telling myself like, you know what, I'm not good enough. I can't do this. And subconsciously like thinking, okay, that was a bad thought. Like I'm going to bring something better in.

42:02.57
Travis White
but it's it's it's really paying attention to...

42:03.44
ScottGrace
Good. the Intentional. You're being intentional with your thinking. That's great. That's great. And with my clients, I also use tapping EFT.

42:16.63
ScottGrace
Have you heard of it? Emotional freedom technique. You tap.

42:19.63
Travis White
I don't think so.

42:21.50
ScottGrace
Whoa.

42:22.15
Travis White
It's one that I've never heard of yet.

42:24.02
ScottGrace
Yeah, ah you tap on certain Chinese meridian points and it can really relieve physical pain, but it's called the emotional freedom technique because it's it it was created to help Iraqi veterans when they came home from the war.

42:41.88
Travis White
Okay.

42:43.19
ScottGrace
ah it It helps with PTSD, anxiety, major trauma, and you could use it to so to hi to create higher self-esteem.

42:55.61
ScottGrace
So it the purpose of it, well, the first part of it is you validate the negative thoughts or feelings.

43:07.48
ScottGrace
You know, even though a part of me thinks I suck, I choose to accept myself anyway. You want to do this with me? Just tap where I tap.

43:15.89
Travis White
Yeah.

43:19.11
ScottGrace
Tap where I tap. So even though Part of me thinks I'm doing a really bad job being me. Why don't you say those words? Repeat them out loud.

43:32.87
Travis White
Even though. Part of me thinks I'm doing a really bad job at being me.

43:39.59
ScottGrace
I love and accept myself anyway.

43:43.67
Travis White
I love and accept myself anyway.

43:46.82
ScottGrace
Even though I have a lot of anxiety,

43:50.90
Travis White
Even though I have a lot of anxiety, I'm learning to soothe myself and not let anxiety run my life.

43:53.92
ScottGrace
I'm learning to soothe myself and not let anxiety run my life.

44:06.58
ScottGrace
Even though I have self-doubt, I'm open to this adventure of moving forward one step at a time.

44:09.31
Travis White
Even though I have self-doubt, I'm open to this adventure of moving forward

44:24.00
Travis White
One step at a time.

44:25.54
ScottGrace
right through the fears and doubts.

44:28.07
Travis White
Right through the fears and doubts.

44:30.89
ScottGrace
Yeah. Tapping on the side of the eye here. All this fear and doubt.

44:38.87
Travis White
All this fear and doubt.

44:41.01
ScottGrace
Side of the eye, all this self-criticism.

44:44.06
Travis White
All this self-criticism.

44:46.47
ScottGrace
Keep looking at me, kid, because I want you to see where I'm tapping. Under the eye.

44:52.51
Travis White
You're okay right there.

44:54.26
ScottGrace
Yeah, so part of me is just pushing and pushing myself and trying to force me to do better and be better.

45:08.84
Travis White
trying to force me to do better and be better push push push and using negative judgments to try to motivate me are you just tapping on your chest there is that what it is

45:12.15
ScottGrace
Push, push, push.

45:17.26
ScottGrace
And using negative judgments to try to motivate me.

45:27.47
ScottGrace
Like, yeah, yeah, exactly. And then the next part is four inches below the armpit on the side of the arm. All of this self-judgment.

45:39.51
Travis White
All of this self judgment.

45:41.91
ScottGrace
I see it. Top of the head.

45:45.41
Travis White
I see it.

45:47.02
ScottGrace
I see you.

45:50.05
Travis White
I see you.

45:51.88
ScottGrace
You're not in the darkness any anymore.

45:54.45
Travis White
You're not in the darkness anymore.

45:57.81
ScottGrace
And I can see that it's hurting my feelings.

46:03.13
Travis White
And I can see it's hurting my feelings.

46:06.05
ScottGrace
You inner critic are hurting my feelings.

46:09.61
Travis White
You inner critic are hurting my feelings.

46:13.29
ScottGrace
I deserve kindness just for being who I am.

46:15.60
Travis White
I deserve kindness just for being who I am.

46:24.65
ScottGrace
And I choose more kindness each day.

46:27.84
Travis White
And I choose more kindness each day.

46:31.08
ScottGrace
Every time I get conscious that I'm thinking negative thoughts, I've got a few positive ones up my sleeve.

46:35.11
Travis White
Every time I get conscious, I'm thinking negative thoughts.

46:42.48
Travis White
I've got a few positive ones up my sleeve.

46:45.74
ScottGrace
And I'm exchanging them, putting a smile on my face.

46:49.01
Travis White
And I'm exchanging them.

46:53.66
Travis White
Putting a smile on my face.

46:56.45
ScottGrace
If I have to fake it, that's fine.

46:59.14
Travis White
If I have to fake it, that's fine.

47:01.52
ScottGrace
I'm on the road to trusting myself.

47:05.49
Travis White
I'm on the road to trusting myself.

47:08.59
ScottGrace
And I'm having a blast building my podcast and telling my critic to kiss my ass.

47:10.67
Travis White
And I'm having a blast.

47:15.56
Travis White
Building my podcast.

47:22.02
Travis White
And telling my credit to kiss my ass.

47:25.52
ScottGrace
You go now, you're not needed here.

47:28.81
Travis White
You go now you're not needed here.

47:31.87
ScottGrace
I'm building this podcast with love, not fear.

47:35.76
Travis White
um Building this podcast with love not fear.

47:39.13
ScottGrace
And simply because I have the courage to do it,

47:42.91
Travis White
And simply because I have the courage to do it,

47:46.08
ScottGrace
I'm a success and there's nothing more to it.

47:49.75
Travis White
I'm a success and there's nothing more to it.

47:52.90
ScottGrace
I'm a success no matter what I think.

47:56.14
Travis White
I'm a success no matter what I think.

47:58.46
ScottGrace
Cause I'm God's creation.

48:01.81
Travis White
Because I'm God's creation and what God makes don't stink.

48:04.30
ScottGrace
and what God makes don't stink.

48:10.24
ScottGrace
You know, God did not make a mistake in me.

48:14.22
Travis White
You know, God did not make a mistake in me.

48:17.28
ScottGrace
So I'm learning to see myself innocently and really have my back with my thoughts, letting go of the guilt,

48:20.22
Travis White
So I'm learning to see myself innocently.

48:27.92
Travis White
And really have my back with my thoughts.

48:33.25
ScottGrace
and the crap I've been taught.

48:35.44
Travis White
Letting go of the guilt and the crap I've been taught.

48:38.73
ScottGrace
All the shoulds, all the have tos, and all of the aughts.

48:43.44
Travis White
All the shirts, all the half twos, and all the odds.

48:47.22
ScottGrace
They're just lies that somewhere along the line I bought.

48:51.45
Travis White
They're just lies somewhere along the line I bought.

48:55.28
ScottGrace
I bought them, but now I'm bringing them back.

48:58.40
Travis White
I bought them, but now I'm bringing them back.

49:02.45
ScottGrace
Overnight delivery, Amazon, take them back.

49:04.58
Travis White
Overnight. hey Overnight delivery, Amazon, take them back.

49:09.37
ScottGrace
Yeah, because I'm here being me and I'm good enough.

49:14.45
Travis White
because I'm here being me and I'm good enough.

49:18.37
ScottGrace
I've got everything I need and I've got all the right stuff.

49:21.57
Travis White
I've got everything I need. I've got all the right stuff.

49:24.77
ScottGrace
Sure, there are times that are gonna be tough.

49:27.66
Travis White
Sure, there are times that are going to be tough.

49:30.79
ScottGrace
But I'm moving the needle towards more and more trust.

49:35.77
Travis White
But I move in the needle towards more and more trust.

49:40.93
ScottGrace
I'm learning to trust myself.

49:43.59
Travis White
I'm learning to trust myself.

49:46.79
ScottGrace
Every day a little more.

49:48.82
Travis White
Every day a little more.

49:51.48
ScottGrace
Just like I've i've learned to walk.

49:54.46
Travis White
Just like I've learned to walk.

49:56.56
ScottGrace
Now I'm learning to soar.

49:59.25
Travis White
Now I'm learning to soar.

50:01.85
ScottGrace
In body, mind, and spirit.

50:03.85
Travis White
Embody mind and spirit.

50:07.24
ScottGrace
Nice deep breath, Travis.

50:15.92
ScottGrace
I feel better. Do you feel any difference?

50:18.03
Travis White
Yeah, yeah, I can.

50:19.14
ScottGrace
Yeah.

50:20.01
Travis White
I can see what the tapping does like. It's yeah.

50:25.85
ScottGrace
ah It reduces cortisol by between 30 and 40%.

50:26.01
Travis White
It's like a.

50:30.29
ScottGrace
So even if you just used it without the words, it it actually can be really helpful.

50:32.85
Travis White
Words, yeah.

50:35.34
ScottGrace
But when you use it with affirmations and the way we just did it, it's it's so it's a superpower in my life.

50:43.25
Travis White
Yeah, it's it's it. It's almost like. I'm trying to think of I'm trying to click my thoughts here.

50:52.95
Travis White
It's almost like I feel like when the tapping and you're seeing the self affirmations like it's like you're almost embedding them making them more than just a thought.

51:05.58
ScottGrace
yeah Yes.

51:05.60
Travis White
I hope I got my point across there.

51:07.41
ScottGrace
Yes. Yeah, you're energetically really like planting the seeds of these thoughts into your subconscious, into your body, like where you can viscerally start feeling better.

51:15.03
Travis White
Mm hmm.

51:23.66
ScottGrace
And when I when i do this with my clients, I record, the tapping, and then I usually improvise a song. And these these are are powerful tools that go beyond simple affirmations.

51:38.94
Travis White
Mm hmm. Good stuff. Good stuff.

51:43.34
ScottGrace
Yeah.

51:45.40
Travis White
And I think this this type of thing will bring the listeners a lot of a lot of like maybe hopefully something that they didn't know because i that was one that I've never heard of.

51:56.23
ScottGrace
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I have tapping videos on my YouTube channel. I even have them on my website, some of them. ah and And again, like when I work with people, we always end with tapping or even sometimes start out with tapping if they're in a ah crisis.

52:14.01
Travis White
Yeah, in a crisis.

52:15.81
ScottGrace
Yeah.

52:16.24
Travis White
Makes sense.

52:18.08
ScottGrace
Yeah.

52:19.08
Travis White
Awesome.

52:21.28
Travis White
I honestly don't have too much else. Did you have anything else that you wanted to bring up to the listeners today?

52:40.31
ScottGrace
I don't like the fact that anxiety is now diagnosed. and When I was growing up, people were nervous and insecure and anxious. There were no pills and there were no diagnoses. you know It just was a part of life.

52:59.59
ScottGrace
And now, like i don't I don't like it when people have a diagnosis and pills to deal with something that in other cultures and maybe in in our culture years ago, it's just like, you know you it's it's manageable. I think part of what makes it Over the top these days is social media and the internet and how much time we spend in front of screens and not out in nature.

53:28.08
Travis White
Mm-hmm

53:33.72
ScottGrace
That's part of it, I think. For me it is. If I don't if i don't get off of the screens and go out in nature, I start to feel a little poo-coo.

53:42.25
Travis White
Yeah, yeah, you made me a thought come to my head It the way society is now it almost makes it seem like it's not okay to be anxious and

53:56.62
ScottGrace
yes

53:57.52
Travis White
And it's it's totally okay. Anxiety, we need to learn how to deal with it. And it's it's and the same thing's not gonna work for every single person.

54:03.24
ScottGrace
Yeah.

54:08.33
ScottGrace
No.

54:08.20
Travis White
You have to find out figure out your own way.

54:09.72
ScottGrace
Yeah. Sometimes anxiety is, is, is my guidance system saying, don't go there. You know, don't go out to the party.

54:18.04
Travis White
Mm-hmm.

54:20.17
ScottGrace
It's like, Oh, I gotta to go to the party. Well, you know, there's a certain level of anxiety. Do I really have to go? Maybe the anxiety is my intuition saying you need a alone time.

54:33.03
ScottGrace
Don't force yourself.

54:32.74
Travis White
Mm hmm.

54:35.40
Travis White
Yeah. Yes, sometimes my anxiety is just. Let's not do this and my wife pulls me and says, OK, we're going to do this. We're going to do this.

54:45.97
Travis White
And I get there and I'm actually totally fine.

54:48.73
ScottGrace
Yay.

54:50.00
Travis White
Hey.

54:52.03
ScottGrace
Yeah.

54:51.98
Travis White
Just need that extra push.

54:54.83
ScottGrace
Yeah. So that's it. You know, I want to send people to my website and encourage people to get the book.

54:59.66
Travis White
and Go for it.

55:01.54
ScottGrace
There's a lot of wisdom and about the inner critic and about maturing as a man, and but it mostly it's for women who want to understand men. And it's on Amazon. You can look at it on my website, www.scotsongs.com. S-C-O-T-T-S-O-N-G-S dot.com. As you scroll down the homepage, it shows up and there's a ah sample from Audible and ah you just click on it and you're on Amazon and that's it.

55:35.58
Travis White
Perfect. Well, Scott, I really appreciate your time and having you on here. Um, I know you'll bring listeners some good vibes and some good, uh, so what's the word just slipped out of my mouth.

55:44.41
ScottGrace
Okay.

55:50.30
Travis White
It's it's Saturday. I'm thinking too hard. Maybe, uh, well, you'll bring up a lot of good stuff. Like I'm grateful that I was able to find you because I think this has been really fun.

56:00.05
ScottGrace
Hmm.

56:04.53
ScottGrace
Nice.

56:05.27
Travis White
And you do bring a good some good humor.

56:07.61
ScottGrace
Let's see.

56:09.25
Travis White
Anyways, thank you all for listening. You can find me on Instagram at overcome pot. And yeah, everyone have a great day.

56:22.63
ScottGrace
Yeah.