Overcome - A Mental Health Podcast

From Addiction to Empowerment with Nathan Buttigieg

• Travis White • Episode 13

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In this episode of Overcome, Nathan Buttigieg shares his transformative journey from addiction to recovery, highlighting the profound impact of COVID-19 on his mental health. He discusses the struggles he faced, including depression and substance abuse, and the pivotal moments that led him to seek change. Nathan emphasizes the importance of diet, exercise, and finding purpose in life as key components of his recovery. He also offers valuable insights on accountability, self-image, and the power of shared experiences in overcoming adversity. Through his story, Nathan inspires listeners to take charge of their lives and strive for personal growth.

Follow Nathan: @nathanbuttigiegg

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Travis White (00:01.499)
Hello and welcome to Overcome, a mental health podcast. We're excited for all of you to be here and join us today. I'm very excited to talk to today's guest. I'd like to introduce you to Nathan Buttigieg. We're gonna just jump right in and have him tell a story he has quite a journey to take us on. So why don't we go ahead and hand you the microphone there.

Nathan Buttigieg (00:15.63)
What's up everyone? What's up Travis?

Nathan Buttigieg (00:30.126)
let's start in just before, COVID lockdowns. if it, no, probably no one probably knows I'm from Australia, Melbourne, area. So lockdown tier were pretty, pretty crazy. everything was going all good in my life. I was working at a gym, loving everything. My training was going good. and then, you know, I a house, had a girlfriend, all that kind of stuff. And then lockdowns hit. I lost the job I loved.

And, the girl that I was with, we split up and we, moved on from that house. I was completely broke. I was, I had no job. actually I was less than broke. I owed about $15,000 in credit card debt and loans and everything like that. the only option really I had was to, move back here with mom and dad, which was three hours away from where I lived. From there, I came back with no job, no money, no.

nothing really. My friend groups obviously changed. moved away from her. And then, as to cope with the fact that I thought I was a massive failure. I was 22 years old by the way. I lost everything at 22 years old. to cope, I started drinking, started doing cocaine and, that was a spiral of about two and a half years. I struggled with all that kind of stuff. I gave up my training, gave up gym, gave up everything except for

I worked a little bit and I drank a lot and I not even partied. used to, I used to just drive around and sniff cocaine on my own. wasn't any, um, it wasn't even cool parties and stuff like that. So yeah. And then overcame that, uh, first the alcohol went and then the cocaine went and now I help people improve themselves and therefore their life in, um, getting in shape, getting their mind right.

getting away from vices and things that try to control us. Yeah, it's kind of like a a brief run through of everything.

Travis White (02:37.959)
So I have a question for you. When the COVID lockdowns first happened, where was your mental health at? How did you take that?

Nathan Buttigieg (02:45.797)
I was, I was fully depressed. It was the most depressed I've been for three days before I came back to mom and dad's house. I remember. So I was going to me and the chick had already split up. I was going to move to a friend's house where I was. And then, my parents came up and picked up all the big stuff. They bring a truck up and picked up, you know, like the dresser and the couches and all that kind of stuff. And they took that back. So I only had a mattress in my house and like my blankets.

that I slept on and everything else is pretty much gone, right? So I remember everything shut down and for three days I slept straight. Like I woke up, no, nothing for me to do. Nothing's changed. Back to bed, you know, wake up, nothing's changed. It was just, I didn't realize it at the time, but it was like huge depression. I just didn't want to do anything, everything I could do. I couldn't do anymore.

That was probably the lowest I've been, but I'm not wanting to like sit in it. You know, I, after those three days, I woke up one, one night at like 1am or something like that. Um, I was like, ah, we've got to sort of have something like, I've got to eat some food cause I hadn't eaten, I'm barely drinking any water or anything like that. And I packed, um, the rest of the stuff in my car and then yeah, boosted it to mom and dad.

got to mom and dad's at like three or four o'clock in the morning. And I remember mom opened the door and she's like, Oh, we're expecting you here. And I said like, can I stay here for a bit? I've got nothing else. And I'm still here. So he's still here after that. We bought a tiny home on their property. I'm looking to move away next year, but yeah, still here.

Travis White (04:24.365)
And the important thing is that you're rebuilding yourself, like after overcoming something so difficult.

Nathan Buttigieg (04:31.661)
Yeah, that's right. When you have your like, first of all, was 22, like I said, I was 22 years old. So I hadn't really been through anything at that age. The biggest thing I'd been through before that was just a normal breakup when I was like 18 years old or something like that, 17 years old. So having like your full life ripped out on you was kind of like, it was like a divorce, you you everything.

Travis White (04:36.987)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (04:53.997)
Not only that, but your job changes and your friend group changes and now you've got to go back to where you're from and you don't have friends there either because you moved away like five. I was up there for five years. So, um, yeah, it was, it was pretty rough for 22. I'm 27 now.

Travis White (05:11.591)
It seems crazy that it's already been that long since all that stuff went down with the world and COVID and stuff.

Nathan Buttigieg (05:17.557)
Yeah, yeah, with some people like some people forget about it. I think the ones that were impacted by it will never forget. And I'm honestly grateful for it if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be moved down here and I wouldn't be, you know, coaching and helping people online. And so it turned out to be a good thing, but it was was at the time it didn't feel like it.

Travis White (05:39.053)
And yeah, for sure. it's, and you mentioned too, that when you felt depressed and start feeling depressed, you were in denial. And it's amazing how like, just being in denial, like when you feel any mental health issue come on, like it's, it just pushes you back, keeps you from moving forward. I can, I can speak to that from experience.

Nathan Buttigieg (06:00.365)
Yeah, well, big thing is, yeah, big thing is you don't even want to feel anything. You kind of like just press everything. So you just keep drinking more, keep having fun more, you know, keep talking to more girls, keep snorting more coke. It's just, it's just a cycle of like, you're just avoiding, you know, all the accountability that's in there if you stop, you know, as soon as, as soon as you're quiet, your, your conscience tells you what's up.

Travis White (06:05.553)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (06:21.159)
in

Travis White (06:25.891)
And with your cocaine and your alcohol, what was that turning point where you're like, okay, you know what, I've been doing this long enough, I need to get my life straightened out. What was that point where you hit the bottom?

Nathan Buttigieg (06:37.677)
Yeah. I dropped, I dropped alcohol first that went first. And I remember just the day after Christmas in like 2020 or 2021. I was like, I just can't do this anymore. Like I was, I was blacking out most nights. If you don't know what blacking out is, that was when you, you're having fun at a party or you're drinking or whatever. And then boom, you just wake up in the morning and you got a totally memory, like a memory is just gone of your wife. That was always a bad feeling. And then it started happening all the time. Cause I was having

so much all the time. And then, it was just the silly stuff you do, you know, you send text messages to your boss, you send text messages to like the girl and then call someone. I was just doing stupid shit. I was on my own all the time and I didn't want to be that guy. And I wanted to be, you know, admired and not looked at like a joke all the time. So the drink went first. And then in my mind, I was like, I'm not drinking anymore. When I go out, I'm going to like, I'm just going to sniff coke. So I, what they call dry sniffed.

for a long time where it was just coke. didn't drink or anything for about a year and a half after that. And then, and a massive, I guess, like, I guess wake up, but it was just like an episode. The last time I had coke, whether there was something in it, whether I just had too much, but, yeah, it was like, got access to all the evil parts of my brain and it was fucking just torture really. So that, that scared me straight, which is good.

Travis White (08:02.695)
Yep.

Yeah, yes. I've never personally done drugs, but I can relate to that to a bit because I have a seizure disorder. And when I first started having it, they put me on some hardcore anti-seizure medication and I was on a very high dosage to settle them down. And I started hallucinating. Like it was stuff like one time when I was like trapped in a box. I remember a bunch of like army guys.

coming and telling me that my family's gonna die and they're gonna kill me. So was like really creepy stuff. And it's like when that happens, you're like, I'm done. Like this is it, I can't do this anymore.

Nathan Buttigieg (08:39.937)
Yeah.

Yeah, that was, I didn't, it was, um, for people that are never done cocaine before after you've had your fun, obviously cocaine still in your system, right? So, but by this time you want to go to sleep. You've been out for like, whether it's 18 hours where I was up for about 32 hours or nearly 40 hours or something like that. I don't know. Time kind of just went like all weird. Um, but there's going to be a point where after you've had your fun, you want to try to sleep and you're just going to lay in bed and you're

mind is going to be so awake, but your body will be sore and tired. So you spend most of the time just staring at your eyelids or staring at the roof for hours before, before you really, really go to sleep. And, this time was like when I was trying to go to sleep, it was just a highlight reel of all my biggest fears. And I don't know. I can't really like envision it.

I mean, like put it into words, it was like fully like my mind was against me. Like I had, like it was like torturing me, all my fears, all the bad things, like your brain, we know ourselves better than anyone. And it was just like, my brain was fully aware of like what I didn't want to see. And we're showing like a, just hours of that. And it scared me, scared the shit out of me.

I literally woke up the next day and I said to myself, like I was fully talking to demons at the time, it was crazy.

Travis White (10:11.3)
It's amazing like what the brain can do and what it's capable of to be honest.

Nathan Buttigieg (10:15.157)
Yeah, for sure. It can be for you or against you, that's for sure.

Travis White (10:18.201)
And with. yes. And what did this this like? What did this do to your relationships in life? Do they like? Where they going bad like did it hurt them at all or nothing really change?

Nathan Buttigieg (10:33.869)
When I was drinking and doing drugs all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't, um, I couldn't like, I couldn't connect with people because I wasn't like, was avoiding myself, you know, like I was able to talk with people. I was able to, like, I had like, guess I'm known girls, like during the time and had like girlfriends that weren't like official as we call it in the Western world. weren't like boyfriend and girlfriend. was just seeing girls, but, uh, none of it was really like,

Travis White (10:36.101)
When... Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (11:04.429)
A real connection, you know, and you, the thing is too, like no one wants to be around someone that drinks all the time. So it was, yeah, nothing, nothing really stuck. couldn't connect properly, man. I didn't know myself. I did. It wasn't, you can't try to be with someone when you're not fully healed. And I just, I wasn't even trying to heal.

Travis White (11:25.691)
Yeah. And sometimes like trying to heal, like you have to admit you have that problem first in order to actually get through it.

Nathan Buttigieg (11:32.2)
Mm. Yeah, it was actually one of the girls that like woke me up to how much I drank because I didn't really know how much I drank. It never really like occurred to me because from when we were young, like 14 years old, we're drinking around fires and stuff. I'm from the country out here, We used to just get, yeah, just drunk around fires. That was a normal thing. And whoever could drink the most was the coolest. And I didn't really know that like it was a not really a, I knew it was a bad thing, but wasn't really like, didn't really know what would affect me until.

some girl said, she's like, I can't really be with someone that drinks that much. I thought I could. And I was like, fuck, is that a thing? I didn't even know those other things.

Travis White (12:09.947)
Yeah, it's like you said, it's part of your culture, so you don't see the problem. Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (12:14.093)
You just damn know. It's, it's, yeah. When I was younger, I, didn't realize until like life adversity hit when I was 22, but I was, uh, that's the way I learned to cope with things was just to drink and have fun and kind of just ignore it and be a man and all this kind of things. And it's, um, yeah, then massive life hardship came and that, and that vice or that, um, that weak way of dealing with things like poked its big head out. Yeah.

Travis White (12:42.575)
And how are you able to overcome all this? From what it sounds like, you didn't really get professional help. You basically did it all on your own.

Nathan Buttigieg (12:51.979)
Yeah. I mean, I listened to podcasts and stuff. It was always like self-sourced info. I was too shameful to speak to anyone about it. Really. My parents didn't even know I was doing, drugs until they got on camera and told the world to try to, I don't know, just tell a story and help some ears and all that kind of stuff. But, the biggest thing is I had to lean back into gym. Like I got back into gym. was training before consistently for about six days. And then, you know, I started,

First all, waking up, eating the right food, going to gym, just having, just focusing on building myself, having a dream of the person I wanted to be rather than nothing, man. Just living day to day. When you have no dreams and no goals, it's very easy to wake up one day and then just, just write it off. It doesn't matter if I lay in bed. It doesn't matter if I, you know, get, get drunk as fuck. It doesn't matter if I do drugs cause there's nothing that I'm aiming for anyway. It's very dangerous to have.

No dreams and no real goals, you know, and I didn't at the time. So, but yeah, I just started, I just wanted to, I wanted to be attractive. I wanted to be smart. I wanted to be a leader. I wanted to be the people that the person that people looked at for answers. I wanted to be all these things. And I'm like, if I keep doing this shit, then this it's just, can't happen. So yeah, I started working out. started, you know, writing, thinking about my thoughts and spending a long time in solitude and

Yeah, that pulled me out of it. That's what I give to everyone else. You wake up at the right time, you eat the right food, you work out. It's very hard to be depressed from that when you're constantly proving to yourself that you're proud of yourself and you're going to keep doing stuff.

Travis White (14:35.483)
Yeah, yeah, I'm on the same lines there. Changing my diet and eating better changed my life. Like it, it brought me out of the darkness that I was in. it's at the end of last year, I went through some medical problems and I finally changed my diet and I haven't had any signs of seizures or migraines. My mental health is way better. And that's when I decided to actually start this podcast. And now it's like,

Nathan Buttigieg (14:44.802)
Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (14:49.505)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (15:02.799)
I mean, I mean, before it was like my family that gave me motivation. I have three young kids and I'm married. like that was the reason I lived and still the reason I live. But now it's like I have something to focus on and something I'm very passionate about to keep me going.

Nathan Buttigieg (15:21.477)
Mm. You have like a mission. need people, you, you need people that you love deeply and you like, I want to be better for them. And like a mission to go forward to better, you know, your life, a purpose, you know, you know, if like you slack off for a week, then your podcast will slack off and yeah. Yeah, for sure. But yeah, food does, food does a whole lot, man. You don't really notice it. Like you said, when you're in it, when you're eating junk and all that kind of stuff, just eating whatever you want, stuffing your face, whenever you want to eat.

Travis White (15:24.143)
Mm-hmm, exactly.

Travis White (15:38.425)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (15:51.394)
when you can stick to a, it doesn't even need to be that clean, you know, but when you can stick to a plan of eating properly and eating like, you know, not overeating and controlling that side of it, you'll, you'll, and I tell everyone, everyone that's going through like a hard ass diet, you'll learn more about yourself than any, anytime, you know.

Travis White (16:12.753)
Yeah, I totally agree. And my, let's say my diet now is not like, I still eat some processed stuff, but it's really just taking out the sugars and eating more proteins, more grains and vegetables and that type of stuff. And it's, yeah. Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (16:28.461)
Yeah, it's got to be like, you know, 80 % whole foods, you know, 20, you got, you're going to have ice cream. You're going to have chips. You're going to have chocolate. Like we live in the Western world. That stuff's everywhere and it's, and it's good as two, but uh,

Travis White (16:34.747)
Yep. Yep.

It's just basically being able to hold yourself back and be like, you know what? I can't get those chips today. I can't eat that ice cream today.

Nathan Buttigieg (16:48.301)
Yeah, it does a lot for you to the build strength in your in your will that you can hold back on things that even you like, oh, you know, what's a packet of chips? It's like, well, if you say no to what you're going to actually like, you're going to be really proud of yourself. So it's like, not what happens if you eat it, what happens if you don't, you hold back the strengths always in the restraint with anything, not just with food, with drugs, with alcohol, with anything that you know, in your conscience, that's like,

Travis White (16:50.471)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (17:18.061)
gaining control of you, you you can't say no to it, whether it's a person or anything. Restraining yourself is always, it'll always give you a massive boost. And if you do that constantly throughout the day, someone offers you a cupcake, they know I can't have a cupcake. I've got, I've got a meal with me. I'm going to have, um, know, chicken and rice. Then, you know, like one week is that you'll be a different person afterwards.

Travis White (17:39.195)
Yeah, my wife and I were in the grocery store last night. And it was the first time, well, not the first time, but I can finally walk down the aisle, like and look at a Coke or like a Pepsi and be like, you know, I don't really want that. Like, like I know, like it has all the garbage in there, but I'm not even wanting to reach out and grab it anymore because it just doesn't sound good.

Nathan Buttigieg (17:55.105)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (17:59.596)
Yeah. The ability to say no to things and choose purpose over pleasure is that'll, that'll change your life. You know, most people just can't say no, they can't say no to their friends. They can't say no to the food. They can't say no to themselves. So they just, you know, take everything as it comes. But when you really have like a, a real goal within yourself to be a better person, all that stuff is like, no, if I have that, like it'll taste good, but I'll probably feel shit.

If I drink that drink, I'll probably be wasted tomorrow and I'll be worse off if I've got stuff to do. Yeah, it's a powerful thing. Noah is a powerful thing for sure.

Travis White (18:38.407)
And now I'm curious, like what point did you did you think, like I want to do something to help people? Was that like when you were coming off stuff and just posted a video or did you always want to do something?

Nathan Buttigieg (18:50.519)
So I was like, I was like.

maybe one or two years, two, probably two years fully sober. I started uploading just on Snapchat, you know, just speaking my mind, having like an outlet kind of thing, just riding heaves and talking on camera and stuff like that. And then I was obviously on Instagram and Facebook and all that kind of stuff, but I never really had the idea of, like being a coach was like, it would, I thought it would be like a cool idea when I was like growing up and stuff like that, but I never like thought I'd be doing it, you know,

And then it wasn't until I seen content where the dude was saying, you're selfish for knowing how to overcome something, whether it be like, you know, people struggle. The biggest people, the biggest struggles people have is one being overweight, two alcohol and three drugs. No, before money or anything like that. That's the things that people always struggle with. And he was saying that, you're selfish for not helping people.

when or giving out information or just doing your, your part when you have done it before. And I was like, fuck it. It kind of just clicked that I have to, you know, try. So I started just uploading content and people started messaging me. I've got this problem. How do I do this? And yeah, so I work with people one-on-one. Now I build programs for them. We set up workouts. We, I'll do your nutrition for you.

Travis White (20:09.361)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (20:25.333)
And then we'll do team calls every week where we cover mindset stuff and all the barriers that you got to go through to be the version of yourself that you want to be inside, but you can't get out.

Travis White (20:39.527)
Yeah, that's cool. Like, I think we need more people that are willing to step out of their comfort zone and spread knowledge and help people out because there's so many people that are struggling and you don't even know about it.

Nathan Buttigieg (20:53.963)
Yeah, it really does feel like more of an obligation than anything. It's, it's, it's a job one, but, it's like, you know, I, I do love to do it. love working with people, but really most days I'm like, got to post because, you know, I just fucking have to, there's, there might be one person that sees it, that, you know, it changes their mind or, know, seeing someone, someone seeing me work out every day on my story might, you know, like, you know,

that instead of go for a drink. And I get messages all the time, people like I stopped drinking, I stopped doing drugs a year ago and stuff, and your content helped me and that fills my heart. That's the best thing ever. But really, it's just an obligation. I feel like a drive within myself that I have to do it.

Travis White (21:35.451)
Yeah, that's that's cool that you're getting those messages though and people are reaching out saying, you know what? That's you changed my life like.

Nathan Buttigieg (21:43.25)
Hmm. You know, sometimes you forget. Sometimes you get so in the motion of just doing the job and like doing what you're supposed to do and pushing past all the times you don't want to. And then you get a message and you're like, God damn, that's fucking, that's why I do it. I guess you don't even realize how many people you impact or how big or small of an impact you have until like, until you get that kind of message. That's why I'm always telling people like, you know, ask questions, fucking like talk to me online. Cause otherwise it's just like me posting, talking to myself.

Travis White (22:11.356)
Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (22:11.981)
fucking camera and stuff, you know, like.

Travis White (22:14.917)
Yeah, I'm still trying to get used to the camera part of it. don't like the looks of myself on camera, like, but I'm getting, I'm getting a little bit better.

Nathan Buttigieg (22:20.895)
Yeah. You got to change the things that you don't like about yourself. That's the biggest thing. Everyone tries to brute force it and like that, you know, they still feel insecure. Just change all the things. If you don't like like the way, you know, whatever it is, your hair, whatever, you got to change it. Change to a thing you do like. I changed like I got on camera with with dreads. had fucking like long ass dreads, top knot dreads. And after I feeling myself all the time, was like, damn, is this what people have been looking at this entire time?

Travis White (22:35.622)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (22:44.732)
Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (22:50.413)
So I cut it all up, I got sharp, know, I started changing the way I dress because you never look at yourself like that. You never look at yourself just midday, you know, you never see like how you walk and how you talk and you're like, yeah, that's mainly the reason people don't like being on camera because they don't really like looking at themselves. And I'm always like, well, that's what we've got to look at. You know, we're going to look at you like that.

Travis White (22:57.787)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (23:11.559)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I think that for a while with me was just like, you know, I was struggle with being a little bit overweight. I've lost a lot of about 35 to 40 pounds recently, last like three or four months. And that's just by eating better. So now I'm actually starting to gain a little bit like more respect for the way I look. It's really helped out with my like self image.

Nathan Buttigieg (23:28.269)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (23:38.7)
Yeah, you get, you get real, you get not real lame, but you get like in shape, you know, you start putting a muscle and stuff like that. It's not just like that you look better. The man you're looking at in the mirror, you're proud of too. what the man you're looking at in the phone, you're proud of. So it's not like a thing of you looking at yourself and like, damn, you know, there's all this shame and regret when I look at myself. It's a subconscious thing. Not just a visual, like you don't have to be good looking, but you just have to be proud of yourself when you look at yourself.

Travis White (23:51.025)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (24:00.049)
Yeah, in this.

Travis White (24:06.599)
Yeah, that's where I'm finally getting, I feel like I'm getting to in life is like, I can finally look in the mirror and be like, you know what, like, I actually look good. Like I look way better than I did. Like I'm improving. I still have stuff to work on, but I'm getting somewhere.

Nathan Buttigieg (24:23.008)
Yeah, yeah, that's good.

Travis White (24:26.215)
So do you, going back to your addiction, do you still have, how do you cope with cravings and triggers? There's nothing now?

Nathan Buttigieg (24:33.965)
I don't, there's nothing there. Once you like, now, once you really make up your mind that that stuff is, just in no way, shape or form, form good for you. And you kind of, you know, I've got dreams and goals now where like, don't care about anything else. If it doesn't have like, even like we went out for dinner last night, I went with my, I met, my girlfriend's dad. We went out for dinner last night and I was like, damn, I still got all this shit to do. What I got to work out all this stuff.

I was there, like I had a good time and stuff, like when you're really on the path, nothing, nothing feels better than being on the path. Like you don't, I mean you do, but you don't care about sex, sex, you don't care about like the bad food, you don't care about nothing, you just want to do your job as a being.

Travis White (25:24.743)
Somebody like that's like struggling right now with addiction. What would you?

tell them to like kind of start the steps to recovery.

Nathan Buttigieg (25:39.736)
You got to stop making yourself feel good about it. That's the biggest thing. People always do this thing where they know the impact in their family. They know they're impacting, you know, their kids or their loved ones or the people they love in their life. They know that their actions are impacting them, but they always do this thing where like, yeah, but I'm really going through stuff or, know, it's really hard over here. So I've got to do all this stuff. You got to, you got to get rid of all that shit, your actions, your habits and who you are impacting the people you love. And if your actions and who you are,

is negative, then you're impacting your people in a negative way. It's selfish as to keep going down a bad path because it doesn't matter if you talk to one person or if you talk to a thousand, you're making an impact. You're giving us you every day. So it's just, you got to take yourself out of yourself, your problems, your sadness, your trauma, your whatever it is.

It doesn't matter. It's the people you love. You want to bring them the best version of you. And if you really loved your people, you would bring them the best in everything, including yourself.

Travis White (26:42.489)
love it. Good stuff.

And what is I just lost I do this all the time. I lose my train of thought. Okay, that's something good going and then

Nathan Buttigieg (26:54.317)
I do that, you know, all the time. But yeah, I just get good at talking. I talk flat out. But yeah, people that are struggling, dude, you just, you got to start looking at who you're giving to other people. That's you are a gift to the world as a being. That being cannot be a gift if you are constantly wrecking yourself with drugs, constantly wrecking yourself with food, constantly wrecking your self-esteem with not being able to say no and knowing that you're controlled by these outside things.

Travis White (26:59.749)
you

Nathan Buttigieg (27:23.169)
Yeah, that's the biggest thing that I realized is that I'm a gift. I can't be a gift if I'm fucking myself up.

Travis White (27:31.129)
And what is the hardest part about recovering from addiction?

Nathan Buttigieg (27:36.898)
Being alone so much you're gonna lose a lot of your friends because a lot of your friends are your friends right now They're just people that you do stuff with in the moment you stop doing the stuff then they're gonna go You know, it's just what it is. So you're be alone a lot and it's one of two things are gonna happen One you won't be able to talk you won't be able to cope with it You're gonna go back to those old friends back those old habits or two you're gonna learn a ton about yourself and Become this totally new person on the other side of it. The solitude always brings clarity

And, and you will, you'll move straight into it, but this, there's this big gap, this big bridge of, being alone and being in solitude and you are, you either learn to love it or you can't stand it.

Travis White (28:22.385)
Yeah, speaking of like losing friends and stuff, they're bringing in the negative things in your life, like you can't afford to have them.

Nathan Buttigieg (28:33.257)
No, and you won't. If you really want to change, you won't choose to be around them at all. I love, I love the boys I used to run with and I had different friends groups. I had friends I used to drink with and our friends I used to do coke with and all them boys are good as they get, they're good people, man. They might, well, they might make bad choices. They might have bad habits, but they got good hearts. But I just, I just can't hang out with them, man. I don't want to do that stuff. I don't even want to hang out that much. I like working. I like, you know, we can, you can come for a workout. We'll have a chat then, but.

Like just going out, getting food, like there has to be a kind of a reason for it. Now it's, I, it's when you choose purpose over pleasure for so long, like things need like a, you need to be able to get something from it. It's not like, not like get something from you, but you know, we're having a conversation right now because it'll both benefit us with one, your podcast and two, my content. Like it's just how it works. The higher you get, it's just more about what you bring to the table and what you have to offer. Then like just that.

Travis White (29:06.791)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (29:27.057)
Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (29:31.917)
you know, we're friends and wasting time.

Travis White (29:35.239)
Yeah, exactly. And it's also I think it's great like doing this, like just hearing everybody's stories, just like realizing like, all the darkness and stuff that I went through. We've all been through our crap like, you know, your darkness may be different than mine, but we still we still went through it.

Nathan Buttigieg (29:56.094)
we still suffer the same things. We still suffer the same emotions. We still, you know, it's just how far you go down it, you know, depression feels the same, whether, you know, it were across the world or whether someone's black, white, Asian, whether whatever we all, we all hurt the same. We all, know, that's why I say like, we're not me, the, the, the old Stoics Marcus Aurelius used to say, every man's the same. We just have different habits. We all feel the same stuff.

Travis White (29:57.83)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (30:09.297)
the

Nathan Buttigieg (30:23.341)
You know, we all have the same fixes. It's just whether we're willing to realize them.

Travis White (30:29.647)
Mm-hmm. I totally agree and that's why you choose to do with it too.

Nathan Buttigieg (30:35.531)
That's right, yeah. Yeah, for sure. We all suffer the same. We all go through the same stuff. But if you don't think that, like, you're just still the victim that you shouldn't be, you know? Everyone, everyone, everyone suffers just as whether they're able to push through it or whether they're not.

Travis White (30:56.215)
yeah, and you speak about being the victim and I spent years and years playing the victim. And I didn't even realize that I was playing the victim until I actually went to therapy and he's like, no, you need to change that mindset. You need to get out of thinking that way or else you're always going to be the victim.

Nathan Buttigieg (31:01.735)
me too. Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (31:17.901)
Yeah, that's right. If you're, if you're choosing weakness all the time, then that's what you'll be. You know, if you choose to, you know, this thing won't hold me down. I'm not going to be, you know, I'm not going to stay depressed. I don't want to, I want to be strong. want to be admired and all this kind of stuff. If you look at it like that, yeah, the victim stuff, we all get caught in it, man. Even like day to day stuff, you'd be like, Oh, I don't want to do a workout. Like my back sore and my legs are sore from yesterday. That's still like you being a victim. It's just whether you're being tested constantly, you know,

whether you're going to overcome stuff and the more things that you push through and overcome the more opportunities you get. The universe likes us being stoic and being hard and being tough and doing things that we need to do. It doesn't like us giving up on it because we're sore or because we got a headache or you know, just something like that. We get more if we do more.

Travis White (32:10.063)
Yeah, I totally agree. And it's like, it's like the more I push through my stuff, it's the easier it is to continue doing.

Nathan Buttigieg (32:23.757)
Yeah, whatever you do like on a regular basis, it becomes easier. If you're being lazier on a regular basis, that becomes easier. you're winning on a regular basis, that becomes easier. You got like winning streaks and stuff. If you're like doing stuff and pushing through all the, all the weakness on a regular basis, that becomes easier.

Travis White (32:45.767)
And that's.

think back to like the times that you're feeling like really depressed, like what would you say to a person now that is feeling alone?

Nathan Buttigieg (33:00.855)
feeling alone.

Travis White (33:02.311)
Yeah, like feeling the darkness, feeling alone, like what tips would you give to them?

Nathan Buttigieg (33:08.883)
You just got to build a dream, bro. got to, you got to actually have goals and it's, you're suffering for no reason. You know, when you're in depression, when you're, you know, fully sad or, whatever it is, maybe it's just like your hopelessness or whatever. You're suffering for no end goal. When you're suffering for a goal, whether it's just, I want to get a six pack or whether it's like, I want to build a podcast or I want to build an online brand or build a business or, know, you've got a mission.

Then all the suffering becomes part of the process. You're like, you're like, Oh, you know, this is really hard. I'm so glad I'm doing it. Or, um, you know, you've got a purpose to your suffering. If you're just suffering for no reason, it's, it's, it's, you know, you need, you need ambitions. You need proper goals. You need to be able to, who do you want to be? How do you want to live your life? How would you do it? If money wasn't an issue, build this vision in your head of the man you want to be and the life you want to live. And then.

Yeah. And then at least the suffering is like worth it. We, like I said, whether you're, you know, stuck in a hole or whether, you know, you're earning $10,000 a week or $50,000 a week, the suffering is still the same. It's still depression either way, but it's just whether what, what it's for, you know, what are you going to, what are you suffering for?

Travis White (34:26.759)
Yeah, and it all goes back to what you said before, finding that purpose. And I'd like to add one thing on there if I could is invest in yourself. If you find a goal, like invest the time and like the money, little bits money if you have it and like do what you need to do to get to the next step.

Nathan Buttigieg (34:44.461)
Yeah, building yourself should be the first step for everyone. We need to make you right before you go into any area. Otherwise you're going to get in the area of business. You're going to earn money and then you got to put it in your arm because you're a drug addict or like you're going to stuff your face and become fat ass. Now you're a rich fat fuck. You know, we've got to get you right. Get it past all these mind mindset blocks and have you like fully confident, fully loving yourself and then move into any other area. Getting someone right is the biggest thing.

Travis White (34:59.207)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (35:15.963)
Yeah, so if you could think back to like your, you know, the, former self and what advice would you give your past self? Like what would it

Nathan Buttigieg (35:28.885)
I'm just, I'm just hugely impulsive and hugely obsessive, whether that's alcohol, whether that's coke, whether that's whatever I act on, I act quickly and I'm easily, easily, easily committed to something. If I, when I was drinking, I just wanted to do the drinks the most. When I was like snorting coke, I just wanted to be like the person that always had coke on them, you know? It's just that same thing can go into other areas and you can be impulsive and obsessive and

committed, fully committed to the business that you're building or like to your to your partner or to to things that are good instead of things that are constantly ruining your life. But yeah, for me, it was just like one I was just I just love the moment and then I just wanted like when we got drunk, I just wanted it to last forever. And you know, never really wanted to face the accountability of the next day. yeah, I and I do things like habitual normally like I drink

at the same time every day or I'd like to go like, you know, on the weekends, go to the same dude, do the same stuff. Like it's, and now it's like, if you see my content, it's, it's, it shows through it. Cause I wake up at the same time every day. I'm doing the same workouts every week. It's just, it's just habitual and most drug addicts are like that too. They, they're very systematic. They, it's just whether the habits are doing something for him or whether they did is destroying.

Travis White (36:38.257)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (36:52.347)
just changing the habits for the better.

Nathan Buttigieg (36:54.583)
That's right, yeah. You need something else. You can't just stop smoking. It's like you stop smoking and chew gum or you do something in the time that you would have been smoking. If you just stop it, then you're just bored. You need something else to go for.

Travis White (37:11.955)
So I'm making sure that everything is pretty much answered.

Do you still feel like any of the depression come on at all or are you way past that?

Nathan Buttigieg (37:26.381)
I get days of course. Yeah, but it's just I got a you know I just know if I stick to my habits if I wake up even though I'm tired as my you know, just tell me I wake up sometimes when I can't be fucked with anything. I don't care about nothing. I don't care about the people that I'm supposed to I can care about nothing. But I know as soon as I'm on the other way on the other side of that workout, I'm to be 10 times better. And I've done it enough to realize that there is no time ever that I've woken up depressed or woken up, you know, not giving a shit because that's what depression is. Depression is like hopelessness.

Travis White (37:38.791)
the

Nathan Buttigieg (37:55.83)
Your body's tired or your mind's tired and you just stop caring about everything, including the people you love. I just know on the other side of that workout, it's going to bring me up. And then I'm going to be at a point where I, you know, love what I do. I love my partner because I love myself because I did the workout and push through it. So I just got a morning system now and it's a daily system. I work out twice a day where I just know if I follow it, it'll all be good. It might not be perfect, but it'll be good. So yeah, I still suffer and stuff, but I just don't.

I just won't sit there and do nothing about it. I'll just still do the same stuff.

Travis White (38:29.051)
Yeah, it's all like, my therapist told me not too long ago that like, we can't get rid of anxiety, depression, or like anything that we're going through in that way. We just need to learn how to cope with it. We need to learn how to get past it and work through it.

Nathan Buttigieg (38:46.146)
That's right, yeah, for sure.

Travis White (38:52.771)
and

Nathan Buttigieg (38:54.199)
There's never, there's never going to be a time where you hit a workout and you feel worse about yourself. You're always going to feel better. So you just, you just got to, you got to get doing something. It's just like, you're going to look at it this way when you're depressed and when you're sad or whether you, when you're angry that look at that as your enemy, are you going to let that depression win? And you're going to like give up on everything. Cause everyone's like, it's just one day off. You know, it's just one beer. It's just

Travis White (38:55.388)
Thanks.

Travis White (39:00.667)
yet.

Nathan Buttigieg (39:19.949)
Well, it's like, no, cause it'll snowball, you know, make the next day harder and you drink more the next day. And then like you let yourself off the hook a little bit. One little cheat becomes a big cheat. So it's, you can't let it win, man. You just, you just battle against it. You say, if I do this workout, then depression can't do shit with me. And then you hit the workout. Then you need like, I'm a stud. What else can I do? What else can I have?

Travis White (39:22.172)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (39:38.343)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (39:43.975)
Yeah, helps you definitely like sticking to something definitely helps you push through everything and be like, you know what, I'm feeling really good about myself now.

Nathan Buttigieg (39:52.044)
Yeah, don't look down the net. I never look as look at weakness as like, as a good thing. I look at weakness as soon as it shows its head. Look at that as the enemy and I now battling myself as the arm as the low like I'm battling the lower version of myself. I'm not going to let it win. A weakness should never be something that someone's like, you know, I was gonna work out yesterday, but I was really sad. It's like you should feel ashamed of yourself. You just let that win. You let the lower part of yourself you let the sad part of yourself win.

I just, I just never do it. I would never do it. I would never let that weakness win because if it wins this time, it'll win another time. And then I'll be snowballing to a point where I'm putting coke up my nose. just, you just got to stay on top of it. The weakness in you is the enemy. You have to go to war against yourself and it's a daily process for everyone.

Travis White (40:40.249)
Mm hmm. You remind me of something that's been brought up a couple of times on this show is.

Like the different like emotions that we go through, depression, anxiety, the different kind of mental health issues. If we really learn to gain and learn about them, we can also use them as a superpower. Like they can actually bring out the strengths in us. it's like, for some reason, when you go through all that, you...

Nathan Buttigieg (41:05.613)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (41:11.051)
I'm hugely competitive so as soon as I have something to go against, which is always like just the little bitch inside of me, I'm always like, I always want to get it, you know.

Travis White (41:24.773)
Yeah, it's, it's all good stuff. I love it. So you had mentioned like when you were trying to starting the road to recovery, you, you listened to podcasts and like read books and stuff like what any, any book that you would like recommend for anybody to get started or podcast, I should say.

Nathan Buttigieg (41:46.018)
Podcast I listened to a lot of any for sellers first podcast that relay of podcasts But any like any mindset thing you just want to? Especially in a state where you're super low you want to absorb other people's beliefs and values People that are ahead of you in a lot of ways whether they're built businesses or whether they've you know build a physique You just want to listen to other people's stuff because you're stuck in this kind of mindset of you know It can't be done. I don't know if again

You hearing people talk that they've accomplished so much and you should dream massive and you can do whatever you want to do when all this kind of stuff that'll that'll bring you up. Like, as we speak, we're like conveying energy, whether it's through a screen or through your ears or in person, you want to, you want to take other people's energy, but the magic of thinking big is a great book for everyone that like is at the start and doesn't have a dream and doesn't have a goal. because we've got all these limitations on our, on our

be told to think realistically and all that kind of stuff. And then you just want to listen to people that bring you like back to reality. You know, if you work hard, you will get it. It just might take longer. And if you don't have it, it's because you didn't work hard enough and all that. any, any mindset podcast, you know, just don't listen to people that accept their own excuses and are massive victims for themselves. You want to listen to the people that are above it all.

They try hard all the time. That won't let, like I said before, it won't let their weakness win.

Nathan Buttigieg (43:25.645)
What you got to do is go to my Instagram page, Nathan Butageek, and then, then I'll bring you up. Okay. That's where you go.

Travis White (43:32.615)
I've been watching your stuff. I love hearing anything motivational. I've been paying attention and watching your stuff to build myself up.

Nathan Buttigieg (43:50.574)
Yeah, the biggest thing people have with me is just how consistent I am. Whenever they're feeling like, oh, I can't do it. And they've seen me do it for like 30 days straight. It just always brings people out. My clients are the same thing. They're like, how do you do it? I was like, well, I want to do it for you guys. And two, it's the same things I teach. Every time I feel like not doing it, I look at that as a weakness and an enemy. And then I go against it.

Travis White (44:14.823)
Mm-hmm. So when you first get a client that come on to coach, what, what's like one of the first things that you start teaching them, like start going through with them.

Nathan Buttigieg (44:24.877)
First thing is we get your training sorted. We'll get you working out. If you don't have access to a gym, we're going to build something with you have weights at home, whether we're going to do body workout stuff, we're going to build like a daily workout that you're going to do. It's not the same every day, but it's just, you're going to be working out daily. We sort out that. And then we're going to sort out your macros. We're going to teach you how to track foods. I'm going to give you some suggested foods, stuff that are good macros. And then I'm going to give you a target of protein, fats and carbs.

And, that's for you to hit every day. We're usually 99 times out of a hundred. That person needs to lose weight. We need to see abs first before we do any gaining. So we're going to be cutting at the start. And then it's just, then I tell you, once you got that, you got, now it's just you battling yourself, you know, you finding more about yourself, all the mindset stuff you've got to overcome. So then we've got calls on the weekend where you're going to come to me and ask questions of like, I'm struggling with motivation. I'm getting angry all the time or.

Whatever problem you have, going to man you one on one and we're going to go through that. once you have the program, once you have the training and dieting, everything else is just you trying to overcome yourself.

Travis White (45:39.131)
Yeah, and somebody that comes up to you and says, like, I'm lacking motivation. How do you get them to overcome that?

Nathan Buttigieg (45:44.598)
I'll say me too, Me too. I woke up this morning. I wanted to go back to bed. I was just like, maybe I'll message him in time. I can't do it or something like that. But it's, it's me too, man. It's the motivation that everyone talks about never, never comes from me. It's obligation. You you want to be better. You want to be better for your people, for your family, you know, look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you look at? Do you like what you're giving? I'm going to guess no and, and make it better. It's not this.

Travis White (46:00.401)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (46:11.903)
I don't feel like doing it any day, you know, I feel better after I do it. That's probably about as much as I get. I always say you get motivation after you do hard things. Not before you get motivation. When you go to gym and overcome yourself, not before you never fucking, you never feel like doing it. But then after you're like, okay, I'm the best. What else can I do? I've got all this stuff I've got to do for the rest of the day. That's why I always wake up on workouts straight away. The workouts are always in the morning, but it's afterwards. It's never before.

Travis White (46:38.311)
Yeah, I 100 % agree. Like, I can sit and make excuses all day, but it's not until I do it that I'm like, okay, well, I'm feeling a lot better now. Like, I'm still early on in the day, what else can I get done?

Nathan Buttigieg (46:53.995)
Yeah. Yeah. The biggest motivation hack is just forcing yourselves in positions where you have to do it. Okay. And that might just be convincing yourself that if you don't do it, then X, Y, and Z happens. Or if you don't do it, the coach is going to ask why you didn't do it. You know, force yourself in positions where you have to do it. Cause like when you don't want to, like there's real bad times when nothing's going to make you do it. But if you can put yourself in the position where you have to, you will every time.

Travis White (47:11.143)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (47:23.681)
You will. If you know that when you, if you don't do it, then you got to speak to me on the weekend. I'm going to ask why. And then you're going to have no excuse other than like, I didn't want to. I'm like, really? I didn't want to either five times to this week. You know, it's not good enough. You know, I'll just show you a picture of yourself, like your last progress picture and say, this what you want to keep giving to people? And, yeah, it's just, no one wants to.

Travis White (47:37.796)
Yeah.

Travis White (47:46.395)
Yeah, at that time I'd be hiding my face in some sort of shame. Like, I didn't hold myself accountable. no, no, you're, no. But you have to hold them accountable and you have to get them to the point where they hold themselves accountable.

Nathan Buttigieg (47:50.861)
Yeah, yeah, people always think like I'm not trying to make people I'm not trying to ever, you know, bring someone down. I'm just trying to bring them up

Nathan Buttigieg (48:02.135)
You do, yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (48:05.995)
Yeah, for sure. You, and you're going to get that through. We always change at a shame and guilt, you know, you need to be brought there to be able to come back up. Me telling you that you're good and like you're doing really well and stuff that's going to do the opposite. You're going to lose motivation because now you think you're nearly done. You know, and we're never nearly done. We've always got so much to go with everyone. Now, if like you, you you drop

Travis White (48:22.854)
Mm-hmm.

Nathan Buttigieg (48:27.991)
you know, 30 kilos and you went from fat to abs, then I'll tell you, you've done really well. It's respectable. As you followed the program for six months, you killed it. But, you know, you just, need to be brought back to reality a lot. You you're not doing as good as you think you're doing.

Travis White (48:44.347)
Yeah, I totally agree. Now, is there anything that we have not talked about that you want to bring up?

Nathan Buttigieg (48:53.419)
Nah, nothing man, I'm just... yeah, happy to speak.

Travis White (48:57.581)
I'm happy to have you here. I admire what you're doing and the way that you're changing people's lives and how you keep pushing through everything. Your story is one that needs to be shared.

Nathan Buttigieg (49:11.021)
just one by one and same with you know with the podcast it's always like you whether you have one listener or a hundred years doing it for for one person you know whenever I tell my whenever I like don't feel like posting it's like damn if I post and the one person gets something from it then then it was worth it you know I like the quote of if you can go through your life and change one person's life in yours then your life was worth living

Travis White (49:19.751)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (49:29.051)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (49:37.095)
Well, yeah, and I think of the whole kind of pay it forward type attitude type thing where it's like, you you change one person's life and they may take something from you and just kind of push it forward and be like, you know what, like, well, check this out. Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (49:49.365)
Yeah, he just never know. He just never know the impact. Yeah, it's really is like, yeah, I just got on social media literally just to tell my story just because it was kind of like a fear overcoming thing for me. And now all these people are getting something from it and it'll get bigger and bigger and bigger and they'll change their family's lives. And it's just, it's huge. I've got goosebumps right now. You just never know the ripple effect from what you can do if it's good and bad and bad bad happens the same negative is the same negative.

Travis White (50:08.507)
Mm-hmm.

Travis White (50:15.836)
Yeah.

Nathan Buttigieg (50:18.221)
moves quicker actually so if you're participating in negative shit all the time understand that people you love are getting that from you.

Travis White (50:28.032)
And you just, so what last minute advice would you give to like anybody that's like struggling emotionally, like with mental health right now?

Nathan Buttigieg (50:37.517)
Go to war against it and you need to start doing something in training, dieting, something like physically, you know, you need a mission to be better, but you shouldn't accept that for yourself. You deserve a great life and that great life isn't sitting in depression. It's waiting for you on the other side of hard things.

Travis White (50:58.351)
Awesome. Where can I know you've mentioned Instagram, but where else where can people find you?

Nathan Buttigieg (51:04.717)
Yeah. Instagram's the main thing. I'm enormously active on Instagram. If anyone, you know, if anyone like message me, I'm always replying within like an hour. Um, yeah. Follow me there and send me a Nathan. It's just my name, Nathan, buddy gig, one word with an extra G on the end. I'm sure it'll be linked or Simon Travis will saw that.

Travis White (51:23.367)
Yep, I'll link everything in the show notes for sure. Awesome. Well, thanks for joining us and thanks to all the listeners. The best thing that you can do right now is share our content, give us a follow, give us a like, do all that fun stuff that you can do because it's always really helpful. And thanks again for listening. Until next time.