Overcome - A Mental Health Podcast

Breaking Family Cycles: Deborah Moffatt on Healing Childhood Trauma & Dysfunction

• Travis White | Mental Health Advocate • Episode 51

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In this deeply honest conversation, Deborah Moffatt, author, speaker, and host of The Healing Version Podcast, opens up about her journey through childhood trauma, family dysfunction, abandonment wounds, and generational patterns that shaped her early life. From a childhood marked by instability to becoming a young mother, surviving abusive relationships, and navigating grief, Deborah shares the raw truth behind what it takes to break cycles that have lasted for generations.

Together, we explore how honesty, journaling, therapy, boundaries, and self-awareness became the tools that finally helped Deborah begin healing her inner child. She shares candid stories from her past, how becoming a mother changed her perspective on accountability, and why she believes healing is messy, nonlinear, and uniquely personal.

If you’ve ever struggled with family trauma, generational dysfunction, or the weight of past wounds, this episode will remind you that you can rewrite your story and you don’t have to have all the answers to start.

What We Discuss:

  • Growing up in instability and emotional chaos
  • Abandonment wounds, validation seeking & people-pleasing
  • Becoming a young mother and breaking cycles for her kids
  • Recognizing toxic relationships and patterns
  • How therapy, journaling, and honesty sparked her healing
  • Setting boundaries with family
  • The truth about generational trauma
  • Grace, accountability, and the reality of the healing journey
  • Why healing is ugly, nonlinear, and deeply personal

Learn More About Deborah Moffatt & The Healing Version

The Healing Version Podcast
Listen to more powerful stories and healing conversations:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-healing-version-podcast/id1744092223

Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
Explore Deborah’s full digital hub for resources, links, and community support:
https://dot.cards/thehealingversion

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https://overcomepod.com/shop

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Hello and welcome to Overcome a Mental Health Podcast. I am your host, Travis White. This is a place for you to share your mental health stories. I'm very excited for tonight's guest. I'm speaking with Deborah Moffitt. Deborah is an author, speaker, and the host of the Healing Version Podcast. Deborah, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I pronounce my name Deborah. ah It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. Believe it or not, my family actually calls me Deborah because my mom's name is Deborah, but she spells it D-E-B-R-A. So they just call me little Deborah. I'm like, it's actually Deborah. But yeah, it's all good. See, I was able to share that story. So how are you today? I am doing great. So excited for the conversation we're about to have. um Without wasting any time, I'm just going to let you tell the audience about your journey. All right, so growing up, I had a pretty unstable childhood, primarily with my mom. She moved us around a lot. I was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri, and probably about first grade, she moved us to Tennessee. Then we came back here really briefly to St. Louis and then we went back there. I stayed there all the way through ninth grade, but through those years we went from this place to that place. She had a drug addiction, so she was not stable in our living arrangements at all. So I never thought about it as a child. I was just like, know, whatever, I'm going to a new school, know, do this, do that. It wasn't until I came back here in the ninth grade that I actually started having some type of stability. But there was a lot of things going on internally that I didn't know at the time, such as abandonment issues, looking for validation, people pleasing, just wanting to feel wanted and belong somewhere. So I actually started working like my sophomore year. By the end of my junior year, I was pregnant. I had my oldest son who is 20. I had him my senior year. Still graduated, walked across the stage with a six month old. So that if I had to think back on one of my earlier accomplishments or something I'm proud of that I'm very proud of because a lot of people. doubted me. They were like, you're not going to graduate. you had a baby. You might as well just drop out and get your GED or start working. I'm like, I want a high school diploma. And no shade to people who have GEDs. Nothing wrong with having a GED. It's just not what I desired. I worked hard all these years. Up until I got pregnant or up until I had him, say I was an AB honor roll. And I'm like, I didn't work this hard just to drop out and it wasn't like I was falling behind or anything. So I'm like, no, I'm going to go to school pregnant. I'm going to do my homeschooling. And then after I have him, I'm going back to high school and finish. So I'm very proud of that. And I started working, working and I had my daughter probably a year and a half later and then not even six weeks of being pregnant with her. got pregnant with my almost will be next week, he'll be 18. So had him, had a very abusive relationship with their dad, broke free of that, didn't understand the scars and everything that that left. And I eventually got into church and I started going to church and I would say that church, taught me some life skills. I will be honest and say when it comes to like spirituality and having faith in, I didn't get that at church. I was pretty much at church as like a cover up and a band aid for everybody to be like, oh, she's in church. So she's getting our lives together. The whole time I'm just like screaming, what am I doing here on the inside? But I eventually stopped going to church, but then I started going down this downward spiral. because shortly after I became pregnant, lost a baby, and that took me through this grieving process where I was going through a lot, a lot of grief. And I tell people, when you're grieving, be careful who you latch onto, because I ended up latching onto a guy who meant me no good. But it was somebody there at the time. I didn't have anybody. was somebody to talk to. He pretended like he cared. So carried on that relationship and that was a very verbally abusive relationship. It was never any physical with him. It was just always verbal. was, he reminded me of how nobody ever want me because I have kids and you'll never be anything and I would help you do this, but you don't listen to me. Very controlling, just horrible, horrible. So I was just like, piling on like a lot of like, everything was just piling on. I never like really sat down and thought about like, what is going on with me? Like, why do I, like, it was just one trauma, one thing after another. Eventually, I'm gonna say probably about three years ago, I met a guy and he showed me all the things I've never seen in a relationship that I've never gotten from a father. He was a protector. He was a great lover. He was just like everything that I've never seen in a man. And so quite naturally I got latched on to him. I was just like, like this is it. This is, you not knowing that it was an abandonment thing. was just, it was something that the little girl in me was like wanting. So when he started like pulling his energy away, it triggered me. And all the relationships before once they start moving their energy, just would like, all right, bye, kudos, see you later. But for him, I could not, I couldn't shake him. I was just like, what's going on? So that sent me into my journey of healing, because I had to figure out what was so special about this man that I could not let him go. So I started journaling, I started going to therapy. And I found out that there was some deep rooted abandonment issues. so, like I said, I started the therapy thing. started searching within journaling helped me a lot, a whole, whole lot being able to write down my feelings and how, and going back and seeing what I grew from. I think that's one of the most important things about journaling, being able to look back on those pages and to be like, what? was. That's how I was feeling at that time. So, and it also gives you like that, that you need to keep going. Cause it's like, okay, so if I'm not there anymore, I gotta be growing. Cause a lot of times we don't see our growth. We don't, you know, and we don't appreciate it. We don't say, cause stop and take a deep breath and like, I'm living my prayers. I'm living in everything that I've manifested, all the things that I said I wanted to do. Like it's happening right before me. We're so focused on the future and like what's to come and what we'll be doing. so I urge you, whoever you are listening, take a stop, look around and appreciate like what you're in. Because I can say the house I live in, the car I live in, the car I drive, the home I'm in, I manifested these things. These are things I said, okay, this is what I want. I want to eventually have this type of vehicle. I want to live in this house. want this many bedrooms, this many bathrooms, and I'm living in it. So, hey, I urge you to just appreciate the now, because one thing about it, and two for sure, you'll never get this second back ever again. So, journey through healing and finding out why... could not shake this man and why I was so attached led me into, partially led me into my podcast. I'll have to give credit to this live stream that I used to have a show on. It was a relationship show and I used to come with scenarios and we used to talk about like different relationship things and the people that I was talking to, I realized. eventually that instead of talking about being in relationships, we needed to be talking about healing and going to therapy. Cause I'm like, yeah, a lot of people who just shouldn't be in relationships. Cause the things that y'all like the way that the way you think is just, I'm not going to say it's wrong, but it's, it's just going to set you up for continuous failed relationship. Cause you don't trust anybody. You're automatically putting everybody in the same boat. And it's like, you got some healing to do, you can't do that, gotta, know, everybody's not the same. We like to say they are, they're not. So, my podcast, the Healing Version podcast, it is a mental health podcast. It's basically my journal. If you listen, I tell all my business. So when people meet me and I'm like, they wanna ask me these questions, I'm like. I'll tell you a little bit, but you should go listen to my podcast. You will find out all you need to know. But I'm just, I've used it as a moment of transparency. I feel that being transparent and being open and just being honest is going to help so many other people heal. So I urge people to come on and tell their stories. I don't push anybody. Like if you want to, you are welcome. And I have a... Interview segment on my show. It's called versions of healing. So it's like a spin-off so I have the healing version, which is the podcast and all of your stories are the versions of your healing and I've had some pretty dope people come on and and tell all of their things and things they've been through and All the services and things that they provide. So it's been a really really dope journey and I am I'm so excited about the future and what's to come. And it's so cool. And isn't it awesome though to like do this and be able to hear all the different stories. And you realize that like everybody has a story. And it's just so cool like to hear everybody's journey and what they're going through. Yes, yes, a lot of like, wow, like dang, I ain't went through nothing. When I was having a stuff, I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. It's, you know, it's amazing to see so many people overcoming or going through and getting through the things that they've been through. Yeah, I totally agree with you. It's like, cause when I started doing this, I didn't realize like how many people would actually want to open up and tell their story. But there's quite a few. yeah, there is a lot of people. I'm, Pied Match has been a blessing. The people that I've come in contact with just from Pied Match has been amazing. The survival stories, the stories of just, y'all listen, listen to versions of Hilla. Yes, and I have interviews stacked up for the rest of the year. That's just how like. have any people in the interview. right there with you. I'm right there with you. It's a blessing and almost a curse at the same time because it's like, I work full time. I don't know how to do this. Yes, I work full time as well, so and I'm a mom of five so I'm like I have to find time to edit and they're always like, where's my episode dropping up? I'll be in touch. I'll be in touch. I promise to let you know when it drops. Yes. So I have three kids, I understand. And they're three young kids, very young kids. it's just the young kids that make it very difficult to do anything I want to do. But on that note, I do have a question, and that's actually a good kind of opening to it. How has becoming a mother influenced the way you view cycles of dysfunction and accountability? So. It's funny because my older kids are always like on me about this because now I'm a more wiser and more patient mom. So I have seven year old twins. So they are not getting the same mom that my oldest three children got. So they're always like, they get away with everything. And it's like, no, I'm just, I just, know better now. So when you know better, you do better. So. Now, like with the whole dysfunction thing, I'm completely transparent and honest with them when it comes to dysfunction. Like you can have relationships with people from a distance. If you have somebody and their dysfunction is messing with your way of life or causing you to have to continue to put boundaries in place, you gotta keep telling people. And if it's a burden on you, you don't have to have a relationship with that person. I don't care who they are, like a parent, cousin, I don't care. You don't have to have a relationship. So my biggest thing with them when it comes to dysfunction is boundaries. Like know when to stay and when to walk away. And as far as accountability, I definitely allow them to hold me accountable. And I feel like that is my stamp of accountability because I know me when I'm growing up, you couldn't tell adults like if they were. trying to think how to say this and not sound disrespectful. Like if they were out of line or if they lied about something, you couldn't call them out on it. And I allow my kids to call me out on things. So if I tell you that we're going to do something, I'm going to do something for you and I don't do it, you are allowed to say, hey, you said we would do X, Y, Z and we didn't. And now it's up to me to give you an explanation why we didn't do it, when we'll do it, because I don't think it's fair because they're a child that you can just do any and everything. And they just, you just got to deal with it because you're a kid and I'm an adult and you're going to deal with it. I feel like that has a lot to do with like the anxiety of our generation and how we, how we speak and how we deal with people and you know, how we are, how we are. I'm just, I'll say this time and time again I'm so proud to see like so many of us like standing up and like yeah we're gonna end this right now. I'm healing from this I don't want my kids to have to deal with the same things that we dealt with so and definitely The accountability thing, it sticks out to me, it's huge because I also have to walk my life in an accountable way as well. Because I can't be, like they hear my podcast, they listen to my podcast, especially my seven year old. So like, I was watching some movie and it was like some violence and I was like, you can't watch this, you talk about healing on your podcast. And I'm like, I can watch when I wanna watch, get out of my room. So it's like a lot of the things that I tell people to do like I'm always talking about self-care and taking time for yourself and like pulling away from these nine to fives because if you were to leave this earth tomorrow they will replace you the same day if you if they decide they wanted to get rid of you sometimes they'll bring your replacement in and have you train them before they even get rid of you so We gotta stop being so faithful to these nine to fives. So I pull back and I do my self care. If I need a mental health day, I'm taking my mental health day. So I tell my audience the same thing, like unplug, relax, don't do no homework, don't do no work, just, you know, so I hold myself accountable and also doing the things that I'm telling other people to do. Cause you know, who would I be to say, do this and I'm not doing it. exactly. And there's one thing that really really stuck out to me. In that, what you just said, I really liked what you said about basically if there's somebody that's bringing negativity into your world, get rid of them, you don't need that. Like, cut that tie. And it's like, and it does make it hard when it's But it's... And I agree though, I like, I also like what you said about being accountable to your children. Because it's like, if we're not teach, if we're gonna hold them accountable, I think that they should be on the same place to have a voice with us as their parents. Basically call you out on stuff that you're doing as well. Right, and I would say they can, like, it can be done in a respectful manner. It's done in my house in a respectful manner. Like, I'll do something and my daughter, she'll be like, she'll be like, mama, this, I don't think that's right. You should, she told me one day, she was like, I think you should apologize. I was like, you think I should apologize? She was like, yeah, I don't think that was, I think you were in the wrong. And I'm like, I was wrong. And I called the person back and I apologized. I'm like, so it's like, they are my world. I'm around them like more than I'm around anybody else. So if I can't allow them to hold me accountable, that mean I could just run around, know, and just do what I want to do. And I just, don't want to do that. want them to also be able to know that they can talk to me about anything that builds a bridge, you know, that helps with our relationship too, that they can, they know they can talk to me. Yeah, and I think that's important because I think the voice of a child matters. And my, so my daughter, she's five and she's really, really sassy right now. So we're still working on that part of, okay, you can say that in a respectful way. You don't have to yell at me when you call me out on something or when you don't agree with something. And then I've learned that I have to watch my words because... Yeah. we were we were camping this last weekend and she what she she called me out on something and she turned around says dad do you want a butt kicking and i'll i'm like what she's like well you've said it i'm like yeah maybe i shouldn't say that so she's just using she's just using my words against me yeah, this generation is, ooh, yeah, they good for flipping. They good for flipping your words on you. Which you said it, which you did it. And it's like, sometimes I was like, look, I can do it. Like, you can't do everything I do, and you're not gonna do everything I do. So, now I'll use better words, but you know, some of the stuff, I'm gonna need you to pump your brakes on. Yep. it's the little ones, my seven year olds is something else. Yeah, I mean, there are lots of fun. I can't like complain because I love my kids. Yeah, they keep me on my toes, definitely. Definitely. personally need that. I need somebody there to like, and if you want something, somebody to be honest, like flat out honest, leave it up to a five year old or a three year old. Yeah, yeah, they'll definitely be honest with you. Alright, so I have another question here for you. For someone who grew up in a toxic household, where does a healing journey realistically begin? when you start being honest with yourself in the situation, because a lot of times we'll like, we block out those situations and we just keep going on and on and on. You have to actually face them and be honest. And that can happen at whatever age. That happened for me, what, three or four years ago when I sat down and I was honest with myself. And that's when true healing begins. Yeah, it's, and that's a very strong word. think one key word there is honest because it's like my, I look back at myself and for years, like I didn't admit that I have problems that I wasn't being honest with myself. I don't think my true healing journey started until this last year. Hmm. So, I... I'm being completely honest. It's like... I love everything that you're saying, by the way. It's like, it's very relatable. this too. We do fall and we stumble. Like once you start on this journey, it's not just like rainbows and peaches and you're just running down this beautiful railroad and you're just having just, you're picking these flowers and you're healing and everything's just working out. It's ugly. It's a really ugly journey. It's a lot of crying and a lot of admitting things that you probably thought you would never admit and a lot of turning that mirror around and looking in the mirror and saying, man, I'm jacked up and consciously making a change and being honest, being honest and cutting off people, places and things that don't serve a purpose in your life. I think that's where a lot of people like hit that stumbling block because they want to hold on to people. Well, that's my so and so. I don't want to let them go. Well, I've been working here for 25 years and I've never gotten a raise, but I love the people I work for and I love what I do. No, no. A lot of times we know we need to get out of situations and it's just the comfortability. So with that being said, healing is not a comfortable place. It's not. Some days I just be like, I am. I don't want to do nothing. don't feel like doing anything. Don't talk to me. I'm not recording. I don't even know if I want to do this podcast anymore. Yeah, I get the same way. I actually got that today. We're coming off a three day weekend for Labor Day. today I was like, I've had a little bit of a cold, but nothing major. And so today I woke up with a migraine. And sometimes I know migraines are brought on by me being anxious. So I ended up taking the day off because it's like... You know what? I don't feel like going into work today. I need a date to myself. No, no, they don't know that I did that that way, but I figured they're not going to listen to my podcast, so it doesn't matter. If they listen to mine, I'm like, you know what? This will make sure you listen to the ads. So, from your experience, what are the biggest myths about healing from family trauma that you'd like to debunk? Biggest myths about family trauma? That there isn't any. that there's no trauma that you that that's just how it is that so and so they've been like that forever. A lot of the dysfunction in our families is rolled off as being normal and it's not and when you get to a space where you are healing you know that it's not normal and you're with yourself and with everybody around you. But then you're gonna be the outcast and then they ain't gonna like you. So be prepared for that as well. But I don't care. I like to sit by myself. That's where I get all my good thoughts. And I ain't got people talking nonsense. But myths is that it doesn't exist. I would have to say that's the biggest one, that it's normal. And it's just how it is. you know, like the generations before us, they bask in that. You know, my mom, I heard some of the stuff they went through as kids. I'm like, what? What happened? I thought we had it bad. And that's another thing. That's why I like give my mom grace because her childhood was crazy. She had a wack childhood. And I like to say that A lot of the things that we went through as kids, like her children was a result of her own childhood. But then I also have to like, well, if I was able to decide to make a change and not carry on the toxicity with my own children, then, you know, she could have done the same. But, you know, I try not to place blame and point fingers. This is, you know, the buck stops here. um So. It is what it is. Yeah, exactly. There's just those things you can't change, And it's like, and kind of speaking off the place you blame, every once in a while, like, I'll think of like some negative trait that I've figured out within myself and I'll turn around to my wife and I'll be like, okay, well, now I have to figure out, that come from my dad's side or my mom's side? Like, where did I get this from? you Like, it's the same thing, not that it matters anymore because... Yeah, well I'm not gonna lie, get angry sometimes when it comes to my parents. I'm just like, man, like if you guys would have been like, I don't wanna say better, because I feel like at the end of the day, my mom did the best she could for the capacity of what she had. Do I feel like she could have done better? Yes, but like, I don't know. I try to curse and slack, but I'm just like, oh my goodness. And then I have those days where I'm just like, oh, it's not your fault. But I do have my days where I'm like, y'all jacked me up. And then y'all like, because it's still a battle with even trying to break a lot of things for my children and not be this toxic parent. I'll find myself yelling, I'm like, oh my god, I just yelled at them. And then I'll. have to apologize, I'm so sorry for yelling, I shouldn't have yelled. It's just, you just have to be intentional, but you will, you will stumble, you will fall, and you're gonna pick yourself up, and then the next time you're gonna do better, you're gonna stumble again, because it is a healing process. That's why my podcast is not the healed version, it's the healing version, because it is a ongoing... process you'll get triggered you'll have something and you'll be like You you was intentional you prayed about it and you thought you got over it until that thing circled back around you have to face it again and now you trigger it and now I'm like I Didn't even get over it. It's still like I thought I conquered that thing so It's a process it definitely is. And sometimes it just seems like never ending. It's like, you you get like two baby steps and you're like, oh, I'm doing, I'm doing better now. I'm doing better. And then all of a sudden something happens that you is out of your control and you're like, okay, I'm not doing so well anymore. I do it so well. I just want to stay in the bed some days. It's like, it's it's a, it's a process, but you can definitely, if I can do it, you can do it. You can do it if I can, cause yeah. Yeah, it's, and I'm right there with you. like, you know what? Like I never thought I'd come this far within a year compared to like where I was last year, like the different kind of therapy methods that I've used to, whether it's controlling anger, anxiety or depression. Like it's, but then it's like just a lot of ups and downs, but I can still tell you that the little things I have problems with, but In the end, I like to tell my kids that we're all human. make mistakes. Mommy and daddy are human too. We're not always going to be perfect, but we're going to try to do our best for you. Yes, yep, that's all we can do. That's it, and that's all. So what advice would you give parents who want to harmful cycles for continuing in their own families? I would first of all, you would want to make sure that you have a good space where like the children can be honest because you may be doing something that you think is not harmful and that it's okay. You know, I've been doing this forever and my mama did and her mama did it and whole time it's just, it's a toxic thing and the kids don't like it and you probably shouldn't be doing it. So allow, allow the kids to speak. and listen, because a lot of times we'll let them speak with me and we are out and just say, I'm grown, I do what I want to do. No, it's okay. Just make sure that they know that it's a space of respect, but you want to also give that as well to them, make them feel like what they're saying is important. And then just taking an honest look at yourself, going back and searching within your childhood. What are some things that happened and that you're carrying on that is a continuous cycle? just, excuse me, journaling. I love the journal. I love writing stuff down. I write everything down. have a... notebook right here. I'm just, that's just right. So, but I think that the biggest thing is the relationship with the kids and just knowing like what is acceptable and what's not acceptable. And that's just going to come with communication. very well said. It's like... Like it's, I'm trying to think of how to say it. have it in the thought of my mind, but I think to our five year old and how we're trying to get her to, cause like she'll say whatever, but it's like just trying to get her to be as open as she possibly can sometimes is a difficult thing. do you, what advice do you give parents that are trying to get their child to, feel like it's okay to speak, maybe in the past they haven't been able to speak openly, but when they're trying to get to that point where their child feels comfortable and like it's a safe space, how do you think parents start to do that? So it has to actually be a safe space. So for me, I just like, I think it's my honesty and how transparent I am with them. It's lady crazy. We get to, you know, I'm just like with my older kids, like I've been talking to them, like my daughter, I have one daughter and I've been talking to her about girl stuff and about boys since she was old enough to understand. As soon as she was old enough to understand, I just started talking to her and she was just, you know, listening. But now she's 18, almost 19. And all of that stuff that I told her, I see it blossoming. It's just it's there and it's so beautiful. And I just listen to her and I'm just like, my little Prodigy, I taught her so well. So a lot of times we don't think the kids are listening. They are. They're listening. The best thing you can do is just like, just talk to them, just create a space where it might just be you doing a lot of the talking, but they're listening. So even if they don't talk back now, it's okay. Just instill in them, give them the affirmations, tell them all the things you want them to know as they grow up listening. So that's what I do now. Now this new generation of kids. they are giving it back quicker. And for like my older kids, they started giving it back as teenagers. The seven year olds, I tell them stuff like they were like, mama, he not respecting my boundaries. Like, what do you mean? He not respect your boundaries? Well, he came over and he took my stuff. Like they, they listening to it. They are already talking about boundaries and the kids at school and. Like I pushed the boy at school and you got in trouble for pushing the boy. Why? Because I told him to get back and he was in my personal space. Like, you know, it's a gift and a curse. I'm over here teaching them about their boundaries and personal space and they going to school ready to fight because somebody's standing too close. So they're listening. Just talk to them. They're little sponges. They're just soaking it all in. Yeah, I learned that the hard way because I'm why sometimes things come out of my mouth. I think that I don't want my kids to hear here. They're in the other room. I don't think they're like listening. The next day they repeat it. was like, and I always get called out on it, which my wife should call me out on it. Like I'm not saying no, just don't tell me anything about it. Like I don't want to hear it because I do. want to. She's like, yeah, you probably shouldn't say this anymore. I'm like, yeah, I probably shouldn't. They are sponges. Yup, they'll soak it up and spit it out. They're listening. They are definitely listening. that is for sure. Sometimes too much. Yes, definitely. Especially little girls, they so grown. And so with all your writing and some of the digging that I did for this interview, for this podcast, I see that you're writing a nonfiction book. Can you tell us more about that? Yes, so it is basically on family dysfunction. Right now I'm doing a series on family dysfunction on my podcast and I'm basically breaking down like all of the dysfunctional things from lack of communication to gossiping to lack of support. We'll be talking about funeral arrangements, because I feel like that's something that a lot of families don't want to talk about. They don't want to talk about life insurance. Well, we all got to go. So we need to make sure we have life insurance. I'm talking about emptying the nest too soon. feel like a lot of parents. as as the kids graduate high school, they pushing them out. So just highlighting a lot of the dysfunctional things that I've personally seen in my family. And the book is really dedicated to my family, both sides, mom side and dad side. It's a lot of toxic, I don't talk to this person, don't even know why they don't talk to them. Just a whole bunch of nonsense. So I get really... What's a good word for it? I'm very animated on my podcast. I don't hold back. I'm gonna say it. You're thinking it. I'm gonna say it. I was given this platform for a reason and I'm just, sick of it. A lot of the dysfunction and the... the backbiting and the talking about people behind their backs. And so my novel is going to basically be an extension of that. It's going to be more of, I'm giving the podcast is given a snippet. The book is going to really go into details. I'm going to tell stories in the book about different things that I've witnessed. Child molestation. I feel like that's a big one that nobody wants to talk about, about how the uncles and the cousins and they touching on the kids and then they grew up and then they touching and then it's a generational cycle that needs to be broken. And so, with this, how does writing allow you to process and share your story differently than podcasting? Do feel like it's easier to write it out and tell those stories, or how does that work for you? So, yes, I feel like it's easier because it's like everything, I don't know, maybe they're like the same because as it's coming, I'm like writing it on a paper, but like when I'm doing my podcast and I'm speaking on it, I'm saying it. I'm just, like I said, I'm not holding back. say whatever to that. And if I offend somebody, I had a family member call me and they said, You said this on your podcast. Was you talking about me? I said, do you feel like I was talking about you? Yeah, well, I was. I was. If you feel like I'm talking about you, then I am. That's the best thing I could tell you. I don't say names. I'm not messy with it. But I am when I call out a lot of the things that I see that I don't like. with writing. I think my writing is a little more funnier because I'm coming up with these definitions for stuff, like my own definition, like the way I would word it. So I think the book is gonna be funny, but I think it's gonna ruffle some feathers, but I don't care. Hey, you're, it's going back to the whole honesty thing, right? Like. Yeah. I wouldn't be me if I didn't be honest and hold people accountable and call people out on their meds. Like, stop it. Please. Yeah, and it's like if you didn't want to be a story in my podcast, maybe you shouldn't have started that with me. Maybe you shouldn't have done that. Yeah, get it together. So just a few more questions here for you. When people are seeking help, what are some barriers that you feel like they prevent people from seeking help and what can we do to address them? So I feel like a lot of times people avoid getting help because of their environment. Because how many people have reached out for help and then they were either talked about or just constantly told no or just made to feel like they were being a burden. And so quite naturally, like, what's the human reaction? Well, I'm not going to ask for help. I'm not going to look for help. I'm not going to ask for help. I'm going to figure it out on my own. And a lot of times we can't figure things out on our own. It's not meant for us to figure out everything on our own. So I think the biggest barrier is just not having the support that you need to get the help that you need. And the way to get around that is to find people who support you because I say this all the time on my podcast. My biggest supporters are not my family. I don't share the blood, the same blood as my biggest supporters. The biggest, the people who support my podcast the most, most of them I haven't even met in real life. So you have to find your tribe and your people who support you. And that could be, we have the internet now. We have this wonderful thing called the internet. So you can go and you can search and look for different groups and you can go to my podcast webpage. I got some resources on there. You can reach out to me. I'll talk to you. I talk to people all the time. I'm trying to get this master's in counseling so I can get paid for what I do. Cause I talk to a lot of people, but you, it's you, have the, resources are there. If you need resources and you can't find them, reach out to me. I'll, I'll put you on the right avenue, but yeah, just don't think their family is supposed to help you out of time. Sometimes family is your biggest haters and your biggest thumb the block because a lot of times they, family want to see you do good. into your right where they at or your higher. Once you start going higher, it's like, no, I can't support you. I'm not liking your posts. I'm not doing this. I'm not coming to your this. I'm not supporting you. And support could just be free. But they'll stop doing it just because they don't want to see you prosper. So go outside and find your support. Yeah, very well said. And sometimes like with my family, I feel it's more... It's more that some of mental health aspect of stuff isn't talked about. Like... Or... I don't know if like certain people just don't... I don't know if it's there with certain people and they just don't talk about it or if just... Nobody really feels anything. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think a lot of times people are so ashamed of the things that they are dabbling in or that they've been through that they're just like, no, I don't want to talk about that. We're not talking. Because I have people in my family that's like, I can't listen to your podcast. I'm like, that's OK. When it's your time, you'll listen. I don't push anybody. I do tell people, if you don't want to listen, Can you push play and turn it down so I can just get the listen? oh comes to podcasting, don't, it's like, no, you don't understand that one listen actually does really good things for me. yes, thank you. And what would you say when it comes to writing or podcasting? What has been like the most challenging part of it for you? Like during this healing process? The most challenging I would have to say is the scheduling. When to record, especially right now in this very moment. I go to school full time. I have a full time job and I have a part time job. I'm a of five. So my goal, my ultimate goal is to do podcasting full time until I get my degree in counseling and then I'll do podcasting part time. But I love it. I love, I love it, love it, love it. It's just a matter of finding the time to record and then edit. so that's the, I would say that is the only challenge. Having something to talk about, being able to talk, being able to get in front of the camera is all easy peasy. It's just really been a scheduling thing for me. Yeah, that's, I thought I was busy, geez. Well, that's crazy. And you feel like when you talk or journal or write on your book, write your book, does it feel more therapeutic to you? Or does that process kind of hurt to get out there to the world? Or those stories, I should say, not the process, do the stories hurt to get out there to the world? I feel like it's more therapeutic. Right into me, it's just therapeutic anyway. Crying is therapeutic. If I cry and then write, we got a masterpiece. yeah, I mean, the stories are there. They are my stories to tell. So I don't have any problem getting them out to the world. Can't wait to get them out to the world. and everybody read it, especially my family. I hope they read it. And looking back to your younger self, you know, maybe it's a time when your mom was moving you around a lot or something like that. What would you say to your younger self, like knowing what you know now? would say. everything is going to be okay. And be patient and have grace with yourself. Yeah, it's very, very well said. enough grace. Especially I felt like during like the healing process, it's like, no, I went through this and I did this and I did the work and, and you fall and you trip and it's like, man, I stumbled again. I got triggered again. It's like, no, have grace. It's okay. It's supposed to happen. It happened for a reason. When you get to the point and it don't trigger you. you probably won't even see it. Whatever it is, be invisible at that point. I've had a huge problem with that. It's showing myself the grace because it's like, know what, you've gone through this, you've learned different ways to get over it. I actually had to go back to, like I hadn't been to my therapist for some time until like last month. And I was like, you know what, I fell into a rut. I don't know what to do. Like, don't know. I don't know. Like I have all these methods that you taught me. He's like, well, you're doing well. You just need to... know that it's a work in progress and you can show yourself grace. can give yourself a pat on the back and say, know what, I'll get over this, I'll get through this. Yes, yes, that's so important. But it's so easy to forget too. Especially when you're in that, in the mood and going through whatever it is you're going through. It's like so easy to just throw out of it. I'm like, don't, Grace, I don't care. don't like, I'm, this is happening now. So I just, I try to remind myself to like just stop, pause. And I'll just like put my hand up like, it's gonna be okay. Like it's gonna be okay. Everything's okay. I talk to my inner child a lot. I talk to him, it's gonna be okay. We're safe now. yeah. And I had a, I was gonna say, I had an interview a few, probably about a month ago, and the lady said something to me that like, it's just been sticking with me. She's like. when you're making decisions, I think we were talking about like dating. She was like, if you meet a man and you're dating or whatever, she's like, always think of your inner child being right next to you and you're holding her hand. Would you be pleased with introducing her to this person or having her around the person? And I'm like, shoot, forget just dating. Would I be okay with doing whatever around her, introducing her to whoever? you know, having her around certain family members. Like, no, you don't deserve her. So, I don't know. I feel like somebody needed that. Yeah, I love all this. that's one of my favorite things about doing this is, you know, all these stories and all these like, I like to call them free therapy sessions for myself. Yes, yes, yes. I've cried in some interviews. I'm like, how am supposed to be in a interview? I mean, crying. But I interview a lot of therapists and relationship coaches and life coaches and a lot of, so I'm like, yes. And I for I'm actually very sensitive, like overall. And I remember this lady on here told me her story and it was, it was like, I think a lot of stories are very hard to sit through, but this one in particular for some reason, like really got to me. And so like, I'm trying to ask a question. I'm like, the tears are starting to come. She's like, you don't have to get, you know, like it is what it is. Like I'm over it. And so I'm like trying to compose, get my composure so I can continue on the conversation. And it's not always the easiest thing because it's like, well, I thought like with certain things in my life, I had it rough, but my story doesn't, like, I didn't go through any of the same crap you went through, but. But then I always get brought back to like, you know what, don't compare your story to others because yours is just as important. Yes, yes, that's good, that's good. Because I do that a lot. I'm like, yeah, my story ain't got nothing on it. Like, hey, I don't even know if I was a girl, ain't nobody beat me when I was a kid. And I'm almost like, I had the traumas. I was affected by those certain things. So definitely no comparing the stories. One, this is a generalized question that I ask every guest that comes on the show. What would you say is the biggest stigma when it comes to mental health? Hmm. I feel like that there's like, it's kind of like a trendy thing now. It's like, mental health. And the fact that people don't know mental health and mental illness. It's like, everything's not mental health. Some of it's mental illness. you But yeah, I think a lot of people are throwing a lot of things around about mental health that may not be true or they just want to be part of the conversation. It's like, this is a real thing. People are actually affected. There's real life things that's happening. Yeah. love it. I've never received like, I mean there's some variations of the same thing, but like everybody has their own opinion of it and I love all of them. They're so, it's like interesting to hear the different opinions of what that is. So, where can people find you? So my website just dropped in July. It is thehillenversion.com. I'm also on Instagram and Facebook. I have YouTube and the Hillenversion podcast is on all major podcast platforms, Spotify, Amazon, iHeartRadio, you name it, you can find it. But if you go to the website, thehillenversion.com, you can find the links to everything. And I will be putting those links in my show notes as well when I release. The last question here, we covered a lot of topics in this episode. Is there anything that you'd like to bring up that we did not discuss? No, I think we discussed everything. I'll just leave the people with this. Have grace, have grace, have grace. And just remember that your healing journey is not the next person. So don't let anybody tell you what you should be doing. There's no book, there's no manual to tell you, okay, on day three, this is what you should be doing on your healing version, I mean, your healing journey. Your healing journey is your own individual journey. It's not like anybody else's, it is yours. And just, I can't stress this enough, don't let anybody tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing during your healing. said and it's like I want to say like if you have somebody that's telling you how you should be on your healing journey like I don't think you should be talking to that person about healing it's like it's different for everybody But a lot of people are out here selling healing. So that's why. That's another reason I'm stressing that because a lot of people are selling manuals or they have courses and that's why I do what I do. That's why I'm like, I'm just telling you what I'm going through. Maybe you are too, and maybe you can relate and maybe you want to come tell me, you know, want to talk about it. I don't have any courses or anything to sell you to get you healed by the 30th of this month. Like I don't have that. I have some real life transparency and some honest Thanks for you. Thank you so much for coming on the show tonight. It's my pleasure. And thank you to listening. Thank you all for listening to Overcome Mental Health podcast. If you found this episode interesting, please look us up on all major podcast platforms and give us a review. Thanks again for listening. Until next time.