Overcome - A Mental Health Podcast

Teen Anxiety, Self-Harm, and Healing: A Mother’s Story with Jenn Robb

• Travis White | Mental Health Advocate • Episode 52

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Teen Anxiety, Self-Harm, and Healing is a reality many families are facing—and in this powerful episode of Overcome: A Mental Health Podcast, host Travis White sits down with Jenn Robb, nurse practitioner, author, coach, and founder of Warrior Mom Rising.

Jenn courageously shares her family’s story as a mother navigating the terrifying reality of teen anxiety, self-harm, and healing after her daughter nearly lost her life. What began as anxiety quietly escalated into trauma, self-harm, and a medical emergency—forcing Jenn to step into the role of advocate, protector, and warrior mom.

This episode dives deep into the emotional toll of teen anxiety, self-harm, and healing, the guilt parents often carry, and the difficult—but necessary—decisions required to keep a child safe. Jenn also shares how trauma-informed therapy, healthy boundaries, faith, and community played a critical role in her daughter’s recovery and her own healing as a mother.

If you are a parent feeling overwhelmed, isolated, or unsure how to support a struggling teen, this conversation offers hope, validation, and practical guidance. Teen anxiety, self-harm, and healing do not have to be faced alone—and this episode is proof that recovery is possible.

What We Discussed

  • Recognizing early warning signs of teen anxiety and self-harm
  • The moment everything changed for Jenn’s family
  • How trauma and sexual assault impact teen mental health
  • Supporting a teen through self-harm and recovery
  • The role of EMDR and trauma-informed therapy
  • Letting go of guilt as a parent
  • Setting boundaries to protect a child’s mental health
  • Why parents must advocate within schools and healthcare systems
  • Functional medicine, root-cause healing, and mental health
  • Self-care and resilience for moms supporting struggling teens
  • Finding purpose and hope through teen anxiety, self-harm, and healing

Connect with Jenn Robb and access resources for moms navigating teen mental health:

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Hello and welcome to Overcome a Mental Health Podcast. I'm your host, Travis White. This is a place for you to share your mental health stories. I'm very excited to be speaking with Jen Robb. Jen is a nurse practitioner, author, coach, wife, and fiercely devoted mom. Jen, welcome to the show. Hi Travis, thanks for having me. Pleasure is all mine. Let's not waste any time. Let's get straight to your journey. I'm to just turn the microphone over to you and you share your story with the audience. Yeah. So my story really begins with my daughter. She was the one that was really struggling with her mental health. And she was about 12 when we started noticing signs of a deep struggle with anxiety, depression, and ultimately it led to self-harm. It was kind of a journey of all over. The real pivotal moment was when she started cutting. That was kind of the moment that you kind of go, okay, this is much, much deeper than just teen anxiety or, you know, issues in their teen brains, right? But the biggest moment we had struggled kind of with different things along the way, but the biggest kind of moment happened on April 4th of 23 when I couldn't get a hold of her and she had been doing well. had been at counselor's offices and she had been, you know, looking overall like she was getting better. but I couldn't get ahold of her. And so kind of my own mama's instinct, I knew something was wrong. so I sent my two boys home from school that day. They were at the high school up the road and I was like, you just got to go. Like, I don't know what's wrong, but something's not right. And I just need you to go. They came home and they actually found her unresponsive. Um, she was laying face down in a puddle of vomit with her face in a pillow, not knowing really what had happened. Of course they called nine one one tried to get her, you know, to wake up. finally got her to wake up. And once we got her to the ER, she had actually taken, can I pause for a minute? And like that dog, dog is like outside. Come on. Come on. Anyway, when we got to the ER and they started running all their lab tests, we had finally, we had realized that her alcohol level was four times the lethal limit. So it wasn't just now her alcohol levels through the roof, right? And she had broken into a liquor cabinet to try to quiet the noise that was in her head from the anxiety. and all of the kind of feelings that she was feeling. And that's what she always calls it as noise. And so she wasn't necessarily really trying to take her life that day. She was just trying to quiet the noise. But that was kind of a pivotal moment, right? Like because she was struggling and she was carrying such a burden that that was the only way she knew how to get it to quiet. Her pain was very, very real. We'd actually found out that she'd been sexually assaulted from another peer. And she had carried that burden for very long time. And, you know, as a teen, that's hard, right? Because they already are going through so many changes, know, hormones, body changes, their brains are finishing developing and all these things. And then you add in like a major trauma and add in PTSD. it really kind of messes with them, but she just couldn't carry that burden anymore. But we brought her home, you know, through, I finally found the perfect counselor for her who was actually trained in adolescence and trauma and actually also trained in cognitive behavior therapy or EMDR, which is helpful because it basically takes the parts of the brain that have healed incorrectly. and kind of tried to suppress the traumas. But it kind of brings them back up to the surface, but then teaches them healthier coping mechanisms so that the brain can heal in a proper fashion. And that was very, very significant for Chloe. Of course, she had to do the work, right, when she was doing EMDR. I can't do it for her. But she was able to kind of overcome have developed better coping skills and then now she's thriving and she's 17. That's so cool, but I can't imagine, you know, those mom instincts kicking in. What was going through your mind at that moment? were you, cause you had those mom instincts kick in and you're like, I know something's wrong. But like when you heard that she was like in with her face in the pillow and vomit all over, what was, what were your thoughts? Oh man, sheer panic, right? Like I was actually at work seeing patients in the clinic and I, I don't think I even took anything with me. I literally just ran out the door and said, have to go. Um, leaving like all my staff in the clinic to kind of figure out like, you know, oh my gosh, you know, um, and have to deal with the patients, but I had to go. And I remember driving and, 120 miles an hour trying to get home. before the ambulance had taken her so I could try to see if we could wake her up or whatever. But luckily my boys were able to handle it and they were able to wake her up finally after a few minutes. But thank God they got there because had they not, it could have been a different outcome. Even the ER doctor was like, there's really no reason that she should be alive. And when you think about that, like as a mom and you put that, kind of in perspective and somebody actually says that to you, that's like one of the most gut wrenching, the biggest gut punch you could ever hear as a mom, right? But when you look at all the things kind of around her, right? Her alcohol level was four times the lethal limit. She was face down in a pillow. She was also laying in a puddle of vomit, right? So not only a suffocation and aspiration and then her alcohol level, right? And so I'm just beyond thankful and grateful that God kept her around because I know that she has a special purpose, but it's very, very scary as a mom. so, but then you start to kind of, as a mom, you also start to wrestle with your own guilt and kind of shame. Like, did I miss something? Why did I let her stay at home? You know, she looked like she was doing better, but she wasn't doing better. And then you kind of go through this whole scenario where you almost beat yourself up, right? Because it's like it was your fault. And in reality, it's not your fault, but that's the way it feels when it's your child who is hurting, right? And as a mama, you want to do nothing more than take care of them and make everything feel better, right? I mean, I think about all the time, like when my three were little and they were outside, the minute they fall down and scrape their knee, they come running. Mm-hmm. But mama scoops you up, picks you up, you wipe it off, you kiss it and you put a band-aid on it and they're better. But when somebody is struggling with mental health... That's not, it doesn't, it doesn't work that way. You literally can't just put a bandaid on it and fix it. It takes sometimes weeks, years of work to get them through it. And honestly, I don't really know that they are ever a hundred percent over it, right? The goal, the goal was for Chloe was not to not make her feel what she felt. It was just to help her have better coping styles and coping mechanisms that were healthy, that she could deal with her feelings in a healthy way that wasn't going to harm her. And it's all scary and it's like as a parent, don't know how you, like when something like that dramatic happens, I don't know how you don't somewhat put the guilt on yourself. And now it's this huge, huge, huge, yeah. And it's, I mean, this is like, I've experienced that and I only have, I don't have any teenagers yet. I have a five year old, a three year old and one year old. But when my daughter was 13 months old, she fell on top of our dog and the dog bit her in the face. And so she has a scar right here and we've told her what it is and that's what she tells people. But even to this day, I still look back and I'm like, I could have changed that. And I've had to talk to my therapist about it and it's like, how do you go about not feeling guilty for something like that happening? Here's the deal, right? Like our... Our kids are gonna struggle and it doesn't matter if they're five, if they're 15 or if they're 25 or 35. They're always going to struggle with something because life is always going to life, right? No matter what. And as parents, we have to finally step into the fact that we cannot control everything that happens with our children, right? We just can't. that becomes more so apparent as they get older. When they're little, you do control almost every aspect of their life, right? You control when they eat, you control when they go to bed, you control when they wake up, you control all of that. But as they start to go into their teenage years and their young adult years, it becomes very apparent that you can only be there to love them and to support them and to guide them. and advise them, but they're going to make their own decisions. Just like Chloe did that day on April 4th, she made the decision to break into a liquor cabinet and broke two locks on it because she wanted to quiet the noise. And yes, I beat myself up. You know, what if we would have had three locks on it and what, and you know, what if we would have had a padlock on it? But at the end of the day, none of that matters because Chloe was so determined that day to stop the noise in her head. She was going to do whatever she needed to do to make that noise stop. Right. And it's just surely by the grace of God that she didn't end her life. But I talk about this a lot in my book is because as parents, it's our job to advocate for our children, right? To help them, support them, love them, cheer them on, advise them. But we are not their burden carriers, right? That is not the way that we are designed. We are there as their parent and to guide them, but we cannot physically carry their pain or their burdens for them. Okay. And I think that that's important for us to hear, especially for moms, because mom guilt is real, right? I mean, we beat ourselves up all the time. Well, what if I had seen this? What if I had done this just like you with the dog? What if I had moved the dog or whatever, right? But the bottom line is, is you can't, you can't do that, right? You'll live in this perpetual state of crazy in your own head. If you're like beating yourself up all the time. And one of the things that I had to learn to do with Chloe was is I even had to tell her. This is your pain and your burden. I can't tell you how to feel and I can't feel it for you. But I'm still going to be right here every step of the way. And I think that that's important, right, for them to, for us as moms or parents is to let go of the guilt and know that we can't fix everything and control everything. But also it creates safety for them. in that space, right? They know that they have a safe place to land when they're having really hard days. Yeah, and I think that's extremely important to know that they have that safe place. Like they're somewhere to fall back on. What are some practical ways that moms can build resilience while supporting their child's mental health journey? The biggest thing for moms and probably all parents, right? But it's, speak mostly to moms because moms were typically the more of the caregivers, the nurturers and all of the things kind of that runs the household and the family, right? Mm-hmm. But one of the biggest things and the best things that you can do is learn how to take care of yourself, right? Self-care and just have even five or 10 minutes a day where you are caring for yourself, right? Whether it's a walk or it's just taking a hot shower or it's prayer, whatever it may be, that becomes very, very important. Because not only are you modeling that type of behavior for your child, right? But you're also helping them by pouring into yourself. Because remember, once your cup is empty, you can't pour from that cup anymore. And what our calling is, is to kind of step into that fullness of kind of being that warrior mom and that warrior parent, which means that we have to get up every day and we have to fight alongside our child. And if you're completely 100 % burnt out and beat down and exhausted, you're no good to anyone. So the biggest thing that I can say is that you have to learn how to take little time and space in the midst of the chaos for yourself so that you don't hit the complete point of burnout. That's very well said, very well said. And it's like, I've started seeing this, that kind of that burnout factor, with my wife to a bit, because I feel like, you know, raising kids in general, and I'm saying pushing aside like all the, the challenges that come with raising kids. Like if you don't find that time for yourself, it can crawl up on it. The burnout can crawl up on you really quick. Can you still hear me okay? My mic left for a second. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Can you still hear me okay? Okay, I'm having issues with my camera and my mic for some reason. Nope, no worries. It's technology. But I was saying that burnout can creep up on you really quick if you don't figure out how to work that out regardless of the challenges that you have to go through with your kids. Um. Well, but remember, and if you're burnt out and exhausted, then how can you possibly be there to support them and love them and advocate for them, right? And help them out of the trenches if you're so burnt out and beat down. That's why, I mean, I really push self-care and it doesn't have to be big and extravagant, right? I think that sometimes we get hung up on that. we have to, as moms, we need like an entire day to go to the spa and it has to be super expensive. And you you're gone away from the family for eight hours a day, but that's really not it. It's the small things every day that will continue to kind of help refresh you and re-center you. You know, and that's like, I mean, even taking a walk. glass of hot tea, by yourself for 10 minutes. Any of those things are helpful. It's whatever works for you to make you feel grounded and re-centered so that you can be the best mom, the best parent for your child who is struggling. Yeah, I love it. I love all of this. This is just, this is fantastic. Can you share one or two tools that help shift a mom's mindset from surviving to thriving? For me, and even in the book, it's very heavily Christian faith-based. So for me, that's prayer, right? I think that having that face in God and knowing that he's got your back, right? And he's still there in the midst of the mess is huge, right? And it offers peace and comfort and knowing that you're really not walking it alone. But I mean, also self-care, right? And then also having like a community, right? And having someone or some, you know, someone's that's there to help you and support you. Because here's the thing. I mean, like I remember early on, like we didn't talk about Chloe's mental health struggle with anybody. I mean, you know, I mean, my husband and I, we kept it to ourselves. We kept it within our family and our four walls. And we didn't really talk about it. I mean, and there was a lot of reasons for that, right? There's kind of a stigma around mental health that when you say that, people think, well, she's crazy or there's something really crazy happening in that house and that's really not the case, right? But also just because we didn't want to hear it from anybody. We didn't want to feel the judgment that we felt like people were going to say, but What I found is that so many times I felt like I was alone, right? Like, and I was fighting this battle by myself. And even though I had my husband and I had my two boys, know, Chloe's brothers there, but it's different when you're a mom or you're a parent and you're in the trenches, right? And your child is hurting and you can't, you can't fix it. And so I felt alone. And so what I want for moms and other parents to understand is that you're not alone. There are support groups and communities that though our stories are not exactly aligned and they're not exactly the same, they're still similar enough, right? That we can offer empathy and sympathy to help you when you're on your days that you're struggling the most. Yeah, for sure. I love talking about this stuff. Yeah, it's, but it needs to be talked about, right? On so many levels. yeah, on multiple levels. And I feel like the problem that we have as a society is like, you know, I'm seeing more and more like podcasts like come out and like, um, articles. I think, uh, employers, companies are starting to do more about mental health, but I still feel like it's not always talked about enough because of the stigma that you mentioned. Well, and also I feel like that it's, there's so many levels of mental health, right? Like I think a lot of times people don't think that it's true mental health or you're really struggling unless you're really like hanging on the edge of a cliff, holding on for dear life, right? And that's simply not the case. mean, Chloe's journey started with just simple like anxiety and kind of carrying this deep pain down inside. Right. And then slowly that kind of kept building up and building up and leading to self harm and then leading up to the day where she broke into the liquor cabinets. Right. And I think that it's important for people to understand that we all need mental health days. Right. Mental health doesn't have to be literally you hanging on the edge of a cliff ready to fall off to mean that you need to take care of yourself and reground and recenter and all of those things. So I think that there's so many levels to mental health and what we need to focus on and how we need to help kind of each other in the fact that like if you're struggling, if we all are gonna have bad days, right? But that doesn't make somebody crazy or. bad or a bad person because they're having a really tough time dealing with a certain season or storm in their life. But what happens is if you alienate those people and you cast judgment and you make them feel unworthy, then it builds into a bigger mental health problem along the way. And if we would have just been more loving and supportive and understanding and patient, we could have maybe helped them not go so far into the mental health realm. Does that make sense? it totally makes sense. Yeah, all this is very familiar to me because I have major anxiety problems myself. So when you, you, your mention of how your daughter says the noise in her head, that's a great way to explain it. I've never really thought of it that way, but that's like a fantastic way of saying it. So it's like, and it doesn't take much to, for your anxiety or depression or whatever it is that your mental health problem that you're going through to evolve and just continue building up. without the proper community or help. Well, and you know, I want people to understand that counseling and therapy doesn't make you weak. It's not a sign of weakness. To me, it's an amazing sign of courage and strength, right? Because it means that you do want to get better. You want to find healthier ways to deal with the way that you're feeling. And, you know, we went through three counselors with Chloe and before we found the right one. And all counselors are not the same. They're just not. They all have different levels of expertise and areas of expertise. And sometimes if you don't find the right one the first time, that doesn't mean, well, I shouldn't find counselors because that one wasn't good. You have to keep searching and looking for the one who meets the needs that you need. And the other thing that I think is important for, well, there's two things for parents. One is when you find that right counselor for your child, be okay with, they're not gonna tell you everything, right? Counselors don't have to tell you everything about your child unless they're in immediate danger or immediate harm to themselves or someone else. And one of the greatest things that I think that we ever did for Chloe was when she, came out of a counseling session, especially when she was doing EMDR. You could tell that she was having a really hard time and that that session was really hard. It was better not to say, what happened? What did y'all talk about? How did it go? Blah, blah, blah. know, all of those questions, because all that does is add to the chaos that she's already feeling. Instead of just saying, I can tell that you had a hard time. I'm here and I love you. And that's it. Right? And just be okay with not knowing all of the details. There are still very many details that I don't know about what happened really to Chloe's trauma. Because she doesn't want to talk about that. She shared enough to the counselor that the counselor could help her heal. But in some ways when kids are struggling and they don't want to tell you everything, sometimes they're trying to protect you too. Right? Because our kids do love us and they don't want to tell you every detail. And really the details aren't even important. Right? What's important is are we getting the help for our child that they need and are they actually healing? The other piece of that is that I'll say is that, you know, the first two counselors, Chloe got real good at that game. She got real good at saying, yeah, it's real good mama. I'm better, I'm better. And so essentially what she had done, instead of the counselor really challenging her, she had learned almost like manipulation tactics, right? Like just to say what the counselor wanted her to say to make all of us think that she was better, right? And then all of a sudden, you know, creeps up. self harm episode or whatever, right? So obviously she wasn't doing better, but kids are smart. And if they think that they're with a counselor or a therapist who's challenging them and who's pushing them to be better and to really have to look at the, at the pain that they're feeling and almost have to relive it and refee. They're like, no, man, I'm out. Like, I'm just going to tell you whatever. And so that you'll tell my mom, I got a check for today and I'm going to keep moving. but you have to outsmart the kid, right? Because really in turn, if they're just doing that, what purpose is it serving? They're not getting better, they're not learning better techniques, and it's just wasting your time and your money. You want a counselor who is going to challenge them and make them. rethink their past behaviors, right? And to relive some of the most scary moments that they've had. Rather it's an anxiety attack or it was because they were being bullied or like Chloe, it was a sexual assault or whatever it may be. You need a counselor who truly has your child's best interest at heart, who wants them to do better, right? But some of that comes with pushing the kid a little bit further outside of that comfort zone than they want to be pushed. And that's okay. Yeah, and I think that's true with almost every counselor is I think you like need to be pushed, like be held accountable for the little task at hand that they give you to work on outside of therapy. Cause I know like if I wasn't pushed, I'd be like, I'm not going to do this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. We need to, yeah. journal because that's really not helping anybody. Right. But even like for Chloe, I mean, part of her thing was doing art or painting. And those were the moments where she could cry and paint. She didn't have to talk about it. She didn't have to say anything because she could just cry and paint and just let it out and in kind of a safe space. Um, you know, her, her counselor and therapist would give her like fidget toys and Plato type stuff that she could just pull and tear and kind of take out those inner feelings out on this object or thing or whatever. But it was helpful. And the counselor that we, that, I mean, I truly love this girl. I mean, she was amazing for Chloe, but she didn't just pop up on some random search. It took. a good couple of years to find her. And I think that, you know, parents need to understand, and even if you're wanting counseling for yourself as a parent, or if you yourself are struggling with anxiety or depression or any other mental health, right? You have to keep searching. You can't just say, well, I tried one and it didn't work out for me. In order to really to get full healing, and kind of be able to step into your new purpose, you have to keep going and you have to keep searching. And if it takes one or two or three, that's okay. That's okay. Yeah, I have a friend that actually went through I think five or six therapists before he found the right one. And I always tell him, that good job, buddy, like you didn't give up. That counts, that counts for something. It does 100 % it counts for something. How do you feel that schools and healthcare providers can do better when working with families facing teen mental health challenges? Oh man, that's like a loaded question. I mean, I've been in medicine for over 25 years, right? mean, and so dealing with them in the healthcare realm, it's second nature to me. You know, I've sat in many circles with surgeons and doctors and therapists and counselors in my job. So I kind of know like what to say, how to push back. But what I have found is through this is most often parents don't know how to push back. They think that just because a doctor, a psychiatrist or whatever says, well, this is what you need to do. You need to take this pill and add this pill and this pill. It's like, okay, well, that's what the doctor said, but sometimes that's not the truth. And a parent's instinct or especially a mama's instinct, right? We know our kids inside and out. We know their facial expressions. I can tell you Chloe was starting to have anxiety before she even noticed herself, right? Because I was so in tune to what she was doing and how she was saying and her tone and her body gestures and all of these things. So just because a healthcare provider says you have to do this, you are allowed as the parent to ask the hard questions and say, do I have to do that? I don't think that's a good fit for my child. There were two psychiatrists that I fired and said, sorry, you're not good for my daughter. And part of that is, is because all they wanted to do was add pill after pill after pill to her. And, you know, I have most recently, I've been board certified in functional medicine and root cause healing needs to be talked about. Right? Now granted, Chloe had a trauma that was real that we needed to deal with, but adding a pill for anxiety and a pill for depression and a pill for this, that's just masking it. Okay, and I'm not saying that Chloe didn't need one of those things, cause she did. But she didn't need three and she didn't need four because what happens is, is you mix this pill with this pill and now we've got an interaction and now we've got a bigger problem on her hands. And so part of my pushback as a parent was I don't want to just put a bandaid on this. I'm not trying to mask what she feels or how she feels. I want to know why she feels that way. I want her to be able to feel what she feels and then to be able to talk about it. And I think that that's important. And so as a mom or as a parent, you have a voice. Doesn't mean you have to go in there with guns blazing, you know, and you're ready to take somebody out, right? Cause don't get me wrong. I've been there too, right? Cause I am a mama bear. You don't have to go in there like that, but you can simply say, I don't, I don't think that that's right for my child. Like I know her, they don't know your child. And the other thing about healthcare professionals, and listen, again, I've been in medicine for 25 years, right? So I can say this because I've been around it a long time. But when you're talking about specific like subspecialties of things, psychiatrist, know, therapist or whatever it may be, a lot of times they get so accustomed to practicing within a box, right? that when something comes along that's a little bit outside of that box, it's kind of like the zebra, you know, on the outside of the box, the fence, if you will, they're like, whoa, I don't know what to do about that. So I think we should just throw everything at it at one time and see what happens. Or they're so accustomed to treating anxiety, depression, and PTSD that they think that one size fits all. And that's simply not the case. I mean, The first psychiatrist we went to put Chloe on some medicine and that girl was hallucinating, like seeing things walk out of the walls. And when I said, I don't think this is right for her. She's like having hallucinations from these medicines. He was like, well let's add another one. No thanks. Okay. You're done moving on. Right. And one size is not fits all with our children or even ourselves for that matter. Right. We all. We all respond differently to medications. We all respond to different therapy modalities. And sometimes modern medicine gets so fixated on treating the symptom, but not the problem or the person. And I think that that's important for parents to really understand is that your child or you yourself, you're a person and you want to find providers, counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, whatever. that recognize you as a whole person, mind, body, and spirit, right? And that's very important when you're dealing with someone who is struggling with mental health. Yeah, I wish I could, there's an applaud button right now because that was fantastic because I, I can't like, I've had a few functional medicine specialists come on here and I think it's very important to see like the body as a whole. And it's helped me in my own experience. Like I. I had seizures for years and it wasn't until this last year that they're like, I went to a functional health doctor and they're like, no, you need to change your diet. And it's helped me with my mental health and my seizure. I've been seizure free now for. Let's see about eight, nine months. And I was like, why couldn't the neurologists have told me this? And it's like you said, they were too much. They get too much in their box to think outside of it. So I, yeah, yeah, exactly. for modern medicine. There's a place for modern medicine. But I think when you're treating something like mental health, right? There, A, there's always could be a trauma, right? Or a trigger or something. But there also can be like other root causes within the body, right? Like the gut brain health and the gut brain axis is huge. And the more you look into how the gut functions, it's really almost like a second brain. And if your gut is so out of balance, and let's be honest, Most of the stuff that our kids eat today is crap. Right? It's full of chemicals. It's full of dyes. It's full of all of these things that are synthetic. And I know this ain't the show, but I don't want to get on some weird tangent about this, you know, whole thing. But like, that's part of it. When you feed your children crap and their gut and their body is totally out of whack because their body doesn't know what to do with this fake food and processed stuff that we're feeding them. they're going have other, they're going to have potential issues, right? That doesn't say that everything and listen, I mean, my kids grew up eating fast food and things, I think that as parents we have to be, especially when our kids are struggling, we really have to kind of hone into like what's back to the basics, right? Sleep. How important is sleep? It's like number one, right? If the kids walking around sleep deprived because they've been staring at their phone till 3 a.m. and they have to get up at six for school, well, do you think that their brain is gonna be able to function properly? Absolutely not. If you're not giving them proper nutrition, again, you're feeding them junk. It messes with their brains. All these chemicals and processed things that we eat now messes with the brain, especially in children whose brains are still developing. Right? You talk about somebody, kids who just want to sit and hide out in their rooms all the time and the pitch black and never step outside because they're so accustomed to playing video games and staring at cell phones. Sunlight is important. Mm-hmm. the melatonin in the brain. It tells the body on the circadian rhythm when to sleep. But if we just let them stare at a screen all the time and they never get to see the sun, their body doesn't know what it's doing. Yeah, and I could totally tell like when we don't keep a lot of sugar in our house. I'm going off on the tangent with you. um But we don't keep a lot of sugar in our house. We use sugar substitutes such as alulose. But I'm not saying we don't give our kids candy ever, because we do. But like I can totally tell like if my son eats a bag of Skittles, he's three years old. I can totally tell when he does because he all the dyes in it make him fly off his rocker like he just goes crazy and it takes almost seems like it takes two or three days to get him back to some sense of normal normalcy because he's already in a really intense kid. But you know, think that that's like important, right? Like, and I think it's all about moderation, right? By no means am I one of these like kind of crazy, like, you know, it's you got to only eat things that you grow and all this kind of stuff, right? Like, I think that that's important. But I think it's about moderation. You know, yes, can your kid have a little bit of sugar, but does that need to be a hundred percent of their diet? No. Do they need some real vegetables in there? Yes. Right. Can your kid play video games? Yes. But does that what they need to do 100 % of their time? No. Right? Like it's all about moderation. And there's things that as parents we do control. Right? And I remember when Chloe was at like the peak, right? Like after that April 4th day. I took her cell phone. She was 15 at the time. I took her cell phone. I went through it. I've to, we tuned, mean, looked over that thing with like a fine tooth comb. I deleted every contact out of it. I changed her phone number. Do you think that my 15 year old daughter was happy with me? Absolutely not. But did I care? No. Because why? I had to make the hard choice as her parent to say, I love you more. whatever you're, whoever you're talking to on these phones and all this stuff, it's causing you harm. You can't see it now, but this is hurting you. So because you can't make the decision, I'm gonna make it for you. So we took it away. We changed her phone number. We gave her five people's contacts and that was her family and it was like, that's all you can talk to. And after her 16th birthday, she looked at me and she said, thank you, mama. Thank you for making the hard decisions and loving me enough to say no. I mean, talk about as a mom and you're like, floor. You're like, what did you say? Like, can you put that on repeat and like, say it real loud for the people in the back, right? Because it doesn't feel good to have your kids mad at you, but it also doesn't feel good to see your kid hurting and drowning and anxiety and depression and sadness. And so like, if I could tell parents one thing, sometimes you have to make that hard decision and it's okay to set boundaries for them. It's okay. to say your cell phone has to be off at nine o'clock and it comes to me. You have to be off video games and computers at this time of the night. You need to go out and get some form of exercise during the day. You need to eat whatever. mean, healthier things. Like it's okay to say all of that things, but I think a lot of it's like how you spin it, right? Like we used to have like when Chloe was like in the height of her stuff and we wanted her to eat like good food, we'd be like, let's go cook together, right? And we would like. help each other makes the meal. And so she had some say about what she got to eat, right? Because she was helping me make it. But then I also knew I wasn't feeding her crap. And I just think that's how you spin it, right? And how, but ultimately it shows them love and to set boundaries and that boundaries are okay. Boundaries are not meant to harm us. They're meant to protect us. Yeah, and it's, I like that story of how you added the, that your daughter finally realized like you were doing the hard thing for me. That's, that's fantastic. Cause I think sometimes it takes kids too long to realize that as parents we're only doing what we do because we feel like it's the best thing for them whether they realize it now or not. Well, but right, but remember, our kids are selfish beings by nature, right? They're just, they have to be taught to love and to respect and to be kind and thoughtful and gracious, right? They just don't like, magically know that. And so they have to be taught the same thing about boundaries. and self-respect and all of those things that has to be taught to them. And that's why like I talk about self-care too. That's important because you're modeling that for your child. And your children are watching every single thing you do, whether it's good or bad. And one of the ways that you can help them when they're really struggling is to model good behavior. Go put your cell phone away at nine o'clock at night. You know, eat vegetables with your meals. drink plenty of water, whatever. You know, I'm just like, those are things of talking about boundaries that you can model and exhibit for your kids who are watching. Yeah, and my five year old daughter, she'll call me out if I don't put my cell phone away when she wants my attention. She'll be like, dad, I asked you a question and you're just on your phone. She'll flat out call me out. And I was like, okay, I'll go put my phone away. I'm so sorry that I did that. Yeah, and that's exactly what you should do, right? Because then you're teaching her that she can say that you're in the wrong and that you're going to acknowledge, you know, and she and you're going to you're going to try to do right by her. yeah. I mean, there's still some things with her where we're working on the respect issue right now, but she's five. My mom claims that sometimes it doesn't come at all. I was like, it has to a little bit, hopefully. Just trust me, it gets harder as they get older. Even when they're young adults, you're like, dear, dear. I just think with her, like I'm like in for the long haul. think I'm in trouble. So how has sharing your story helped you heal? And this is kind of a two part question I should say. So how's sharing your story helped you heal and how do you hope it helps others rise? Yeah, I mean, through the whole thing, like I can really kind of see that there was purpose, right? And there was going to be purpose in this pain. And we can't always see it when we're in the thick of it or we're in the midst of the storm and the chaos. But I can look back today and say that God was 100 % transforming me in that process, just like he was transforming Chloe, right? Because through it, like I found out that like, A, there's a need to speak up on mental health. There's a need to speak up and say, you can advocate for your children. You can advocate for yourself. But it also has given me the sense of purpose, right? Because I think moms and parents, they need to know that. They need to know that someone has been through the trenches and that there is hope, right? And there can be light and there are... endless ways to get there. But I want people to know that they're not alone, right? And oftentimes it's through the midst of the storm and in the greatest amount of chaos that beauty is coming from those ashes. And I think that that's really important. It's not just cliche. And a lot of that comes from about the way that you look at it, right? If you're looking for something and asking God, teach me something, right? Teach me what you want me to know. Teach me how to be a better mom, a better parent, a better friend, whatever it may be, right? You're always gonna be shown those things. And the other thing that I think that's so important is that people need to understand that you're not alone. There are people out there that want to help you, that want to be a champion in your corner. Right. And sometimes asking for help and seeking out the help, it's not weakness, it's strength. And you need to hear that and say, I'm not alone and I need help. And that's okay. That's totally okay. And I think that that's the biggest thing for me is that I really want people to understand that they're not alone. Right. And that there is purpose. in all of this mess and chaos that they're in. My hope and goal is that someday Chloe wants to share her story. She's not 100 % ready to talk about it right now and that's totally fine. But my hope is that someday she will want to tell her story enough so that she can help that other girl who is struggling with what she's been through. Right? Because what people need is connection. People need to feel heard and seen. And that's what I want people to think of when they think of Warrior Mom. Right? Is she hears me, she sees me, she gets me. Yeah, very well said. And I think the more people we have openly talking about mental health struggles, it's just gonna be a continuous thing. I feel like I had to hear somebody's story before I was vulnerable enough to get my story out there. Okay. As you were writing your book, did you feel it was more therapeutic or was it more like hard to like write down your thoughts on paper because of like, like you felt like reliving it? It was definitely cathartic. I mean, it was definitely cathartic. I mean, I never set out to be an author, um but last fall, I really felt like God was saying, you need to write the book. You need to tell the story, but from your perspective, right? You can tell the tidbits of Chloe and what happened in the kind of walking through her journey, but I'm not telling it from Chloe's perspective or how she felt. I'm telling it from my perspective as her mother, right? The one who was... also in the trenches with her, but dealing with different things, my own kind of grief, my own guilt and shame and all of those things. And I talk very openly about that in the book. My hope is, is that people can see that it's raw and it's real and it's honest and still know that I feel like there's still beauty in that story, right? Because, because there is. And It was probably one of the most cathartic things that I could have done. You I think that that's important to say, like why they tell therapists often say, why don't you journal your thoughts? Right? Because writing it down and getting it out of kind of your heart and out of your brain onto something else paper that's tangible. It is freeing, right? It is cathartic. It's healing. So for me, was definitely, it was an act of obedience to write the book, but it was also cathartic. love it. I think it's great that you wrote it from your perspective. Well, I mean, oftentimes when you talk about mental health, right, you want to hear it's about me, what happened to me, right? Or what happened, how can we help the teen, but the mom or the parent who's dealing with the struggle and the storm and trying to put out all the fires, you know, for me, it was trying to keep her alive. Like that was my whole goal is I got to keep this child alive, right? And I think oftentimes our perspectives get overshadowed because it's all about trying to help the child. And that's important, right? There's plenty of help out there, you know, on Google or whatever about how to help the team, right? Tips to help your team, tips to help, you know, help them overcome and deal with this. But there's very little about the parent, right? And how to nurture the parent and how to help them push through having to put out all the fires all the time. If a mom is listening today, feels like, if mom listening today feels like she is at the end of her rope, what is the first step she can take right now? Well, first, ask for help, right? Make sure that you know that you're not alone. I have a free Facebook group called Warrior Mom Rising on Facebook. You literally can just ask to join the group. And it's a group of women who lift each other up, right? All of our stories are different. Some in there have had their children, their grown children even, that are struggling with addictions. Some of it's mental health. It's not all the same story. But it is a group where you can say, I'm struggling today and I need prayer. I need support. need, you know, I need wisdom. Great. That's, that's an easy and it's free. Right. You can also go to my website, warriormomcoach.net. I have free resources on there. you have, can download my book, my ebook. I also have a devotional that I wrote that you can download on there. And I think that that's important, right? Moms. We need to, we really sometimes need to tap back into our faith and that stronger power that's out there, right? Because we need strength and power to keep moving forward in this hard season. And then of course, my book is on Amazon as well. Well, I usually ask a pretty generalized question, but you already answered it. So I'll ask it anyways. And if you want to go into more detail, then do so. What in your mind is the biggest stigma when it comes to mental health? judgment, the fear of judgment, and people not wanting to have honest discussions about it. Right. And the only way to heal or to get better or to help someone who is struggling is to get honest about it. Right. You have to have open, honest connections in conversations in order to move past it. Right. Like, it's just like anything else. Right. Like you think about marriage, right. Like marriage is not easy. And sometimes you hurt each other's feelings, but you have to have honest conversations and say, listen, when you said this, you hurt my feelings, right? It doesn't mean that you don't like the person. It just means that there's something that's happening and the only way to heal it is to communicate and to talk about it, right? And it's the same thing with mental health. Like let go of the judgment, let go of the pressure that says you can't be struggling with that because that's not what society says. you're entitled to your feelings, but you're also entitled to your reactions to those feelings. And you are responsible and accountable for those reactions, right? And that's why I think that, you know, when you can seek out counseling and therapists that can help you and teach you better, healthier coping mechanisms and rely on their expertise, that's what's needed. But people have to let go. and not be judgy and not be pointing fingers or blame because sometimes things aren't what you think they are or they're not the root cause. not anxious because of what you think. And it's just about getting to the truth and having those hard conversations but listening to one another. Truly listening. and not trying to fix it because sometimes you just can't fix it when people are really struggling. You just have to be that listening ear and support to them. Very well said. I love all the answers I get on that question. Yep, I bet. You've mentioned your website. Where else can people find you? So I'm on Facebook, Warrior Mom Rising, there's the group. I'm on Instagram, Warrior Mom, underscore Jen Robb. And then of course my website and then my book is on Amazon. And we covered a lot of topics today. Is there anything that you'd like to bring up that we did not discuss? No, I think we covered a whole lot. Yeah, I try to get everything in there as much as I can. So, well, Jen, thank you so much for coming on the show. I, I admire the message that you're pushing and I'm, it's clear to me that God has a purpose for your daughter and I wish her the best in her fight and I love what you're doing. So thank you so much for spending an hour with me. Yeah, thanks. Thanks for having it. Yeah. And thank you to all those that are listening. If you can relate to this story, please push the share button. Listen to us. You can listen to us on all major podcasts platforms and thanks again for listening until next time.