Overcome With Travis White

Become Your Own Best Friend: Self-Belief, Gratitude, and Inner Magic | Terry Bean

• Travis White | Mental Health Advocate • Episode 81

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Sometimes the hardest person to believe in is yourself. After a lifetime of family conflict, career changes, uncertainty, heartbreak, and starting over, Terry Bean has learned that the story you repeatedly tell yourself can shape the life you create.

Terry joins Travis White to talk about breaking free from victim mentality, changing the narrative in your mind, and becoming your own best friend. She shares how gratitude, forgiveness, boundaries, self-talk, and giving yourself grace can help you move forward when life does not go according to plan.

In this episode of Overcome with Travis White, Terry reflects on repeatedly reinventing herself, returning to New York to care for her mother, and learning to observe difficult emotions instead of immediately reacting to them. She also discusses her children's book Abracadabra, the importance of helping children trust their feelings, and what she calls the "inner wizard": the quiet wisdom that appears when we pause, listen, and make choices from within.

Terry also opens up about losing her best friend to suicide, the role community played in the aftermath, and what that experience taught her about depression, major life changes, asking for help, and meeting people where they are.

If you are trying to rebuild your confidence, navigate a difficult season, support someone you love, or reconnect with the part of yourself that still believes good things are possible, this conversation is a reminder that you can slow down, change your story, and take the next step with compassion.

Content note: This episode includes a discussion of suicide loss, depression, and mental illness. If you or someone you know needs immediate emotional support in the United States or its territories, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

What We Discussed

  • Growing up in a blended family and learning to navigate conflict
  • How repeatedly telling a painful story can reinforce victim mentality
  • Reconnecting with family and caring for an aging parent
  • Becoming an observer instead of reacting or judging
  • Why clear boundaries and communicated expectations matter
  • Terry's many reinventions across property management, real estate, business, writing, and coaching
  • Giving yourself time and grace during uncertain seasons
  • How gratitude, affirmations, forgiveness, and inner-child work support self-worth
  • What it means to become your own best friend
  • The story and message behind Terry's children's book Abracadabra
  • Helping children develop self-trust, emotional intelligence, and an internal source of approval
  • Why social media, technology, and constant comparison can pull children away from themselves
  • Using mantras and the belief that things can work out as tools for resilience
  • The difference between gratitude as a practice and empty positive thinking
  • Learning to enjoy your own company without putting life on hold
  • Losing a best friend to suicide and the importance of community after loss
  • How depression can be hidden behind the appearance that everything is fine
  • Why too many major life changes at once can become overwhelming
  • Checking in, listening carefully, and meeting people where they are
  • The mental-health stigma that treats illness as something wrong or shameful
  • How Terry's "inner wizard" helps people pause and listen before making decisions
  • Putting down the phone and becoming fully present with other people

Learn More About Terry Bean

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Sometimes the hardest person to believe in is yourself. My guest has reinvented herself time and time again through family conflict, loss, uncertainty, and heartbreak, yet through every chapter she's held on to one belief, the story you tell yourself matters. We explore what it means to become your own best friend, why gratitude can transform your perspective, and how to keep moving forward even when life doesn't go according to plan. Here's my conversation with Terry Bean. Welcome to Overcome. with Travis White. If any of these stories resonate with you, please leave us a review and foll give us a follow. Please enjoy the show. Terry, why don't you start us off by telling the audience about yourself? Absolutely. And thank you, Travis White. I really appreciate you having me on your podcast. And I'm excited to speak to you and your audience ~ about Terry Bean, which is what people typically call me in full my name, Terry Bean. So once again, thank you for having me. I am based out of New York, Whitestone Queens, New York. And ~ I grew up here actually in, you know, a family ~ that back when, imagine this in 63, it was blended. So blended wasn't even a term, Travis, in 63. You know, they didn't even know what that was. Now it's everybody has blended families, right? So I have the half brothers and sisters, mm-hmm. and they came from both of my parents who Had their respective divorces, right, before they got married and had me. So I'm their only child, right? Which put a lot of pressure on me because they were still dealing with a lot of some animosity and just the whole navigation, you know, that a family has to go to, go through with, you know, respective divorces and the kids and the whole thing. And all I wanted was happy. all I wanted. And there was a lot of angst. So when I would step out of my elevator here in Queens, which I'm here now in the home I grew up with, and believe it or not, because I have my elderly mom that I take care of. She's ninety-two, which is another journey I can talk about. Okay.~ So I grew up feeling like I really at a very early age had control on Like I got this. I mean, I sat down and sang Billy Joel, this is my life to my parents when I was eleven. Just Okay. So I mean, because I really I I thought everybody else was absolutely out of their minds and neurotic. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So and I was kind of taking on this whole personal development journey at a very, very early stage in my life. ~ just knowing that there had to be a choice. Always had to be a choice in how I felt or some kind of responsibility. Now, don't get me wrong, I had so much drama early on between the family and my angst with mom and the whole deal that you know I I I I think about it about being a victim, and I think. You know, when we have such drama constantly going on around us, we can exactly that become the victim and decide that life is happening to us. Right? We're not we're we're not choosing it at all. And we're pissed off at anybody and everybody in our circle because they're this happen to us. Yes, and it's hard to get out of that victim mentality. Very hard. Really, really, really hard. And part of it is because we w we retell the story and the narrative that's gonna validate us being a victim. So the story is being told over and over. I remember telling the story because I had I was a rebellious kid. I was super rebellious because of everything that was going on and all I wanted was my independence, right? And that's why I knew I I had this, right? I got this. So it's amazing how many times and how many different people I stole I told the story to, right? And now it's like I don't I want the I don't want the drama at all. I mean, I literally left~ once I was in New York, I went to Connecticut for about 10 years and I left Connecticut to go down to Florida. I had the option to come back to New York where my family was. I said, no, I'm not. I can't take the neuroses, I gotta get away. And I did and I ended up going down to Florida for close to thirty years. Which is amazing. Yeah. And so now you're you're back and you've basically done a full circle and right back there where you grew up. really nuts because mom, my sister, and I actually had about of three years of no communication when I was fifty. So as I said, I was born in sixty three. So ~ that's what, you know, twelve years ago or so that we had three years of no communication. Mm-hmm. I was the one that handed out the olive branch,~ which was very typical.~ and 'cause I I realized, you know, No one likes being extricated from their family. No one likes being ostracized in any which way, right? And I realized that I do not ~ I don't want my mom to go, to leave this planet without me reconnecting with her. I it just it just didn't feel right. So I did whatever I can and through my personal development journey, That's I'll be honest with you, if I didn't have these tools, there would be no way I could sit here in this house right now. No way. I mean, listen, ~ not to say this, she pushes buttons all the time. Tonight was one of those times when I looked around and I said, Listen, I said, Can we have one night without arguing? Is it possible? I have one night where you're not raising your voice. No. And one thing I learned in doing this and and working with people in general is a great ~ piece that I've learned lately is to be the observer. You become the observer. You don't become the judge. You don't become the mother either, which is very easy to do when you have a 92-year-old, because they really do seem like three-year-olds, you know. Sometimes it's like it's out of control. And But I, you know, when you just kind of sit and observe and not always react. And if you feel like you're reacting, you kind of stop. And you breathe and you think before you actually speak. My father used to say that all the time. He used to point to his head and say, T H I N K Terry. Think. He would always say that to me. Okay. It's funny how that came up. I lost my dad about fifteen years ago, fifteen six. And he was like my biggest fan, you know. I really adored him. And we had a We had a really fun time together. We just ~ would get silly and laugh and loved slapstick and all this stuff and you know, mom couldn't stand any of that. All right. So mom was kind of jealous of my relationship with my father. He I mean, it was j you know, it's nuttiness that people go through because the majority of us don't go grow up with any kind of a EQ, emotional cros you know, quotient, they really don't. So I can't talk to my mom now and say to her things like, Can you really listen to yourself when you talk to me? Yeah, it's just not it's not gonna go anywhere. It's not gonna understand. Yeah, and I can think of multiple people in my life like that where it's like it's and I I I guess I think it's come down to I just learned to set set boundaries. And those relationships I can't aren't always the way I expect them to be, Yes. but I set those boundaries and don't cross this line. And I figure, you know what, I can be fine without holding those types of conversations and asking those types of questions. Yeah, it's smart. Well, that's part of protecting ourselves, right? And we have to we have to understand our needs and w and and what Yep, correct. what those expectations are and always understand that if you have A uncommunicated expectation. It's not an expectation anymore. Mm-hmm. You can't. And I I this is one thing I do say to my mom and other people. I say, I can't read your mind. Can't read your mind. Tell me what truly tell me what you need and what you want. And setting those ~ boundaries and parameters are extremely important, especially when you're a caretaker, whether it's a parent or not, that you're caretaking as a child, or even if you're a parent of a young one. You know, it's really, really important to have those. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's structure that I think we all need in some way. Yeah, I agree. So it sounds like from what you've described you kind of mentioned before that you, you know, you moved out of your parents' house and ~ moved around a little bit. Almost to me sounds like you reinvented yourself a few times. What allowed you to do that? Many. Many, many times. I always say this in in many of the pods that I'm on. I always feel like I'm a cat that has more than nine lives. You know? I ~ I've landed many times He's and and it started quite frankly at the age of like eleven, twelve. I mean, I'm in Queens, New York. Queens, New York people were were were very street wise, you know. Not always so book smart, but definitely streetwise. and I and and and people were always my thing, like just being super in tune with how people tick, right? The the sociology of it. And it always intrigued me. You know, and and decisions that people make and how they make them always intrigued me. And Talking to people about what they're looking to do and what they're looking to create and then connecting those dots for them sometimes in an out of box way, which I tend to do, has shifted many people's lives on my journey. There's no doubt. You know? And it's and it's really quite fun to do. Cause you 'cause when it happens, people will kinda look at me and say,~ my God, I didn't even think of that. That's unbelievable. That's fantastic. And then they get all excited in it. It's really wonderful. I To your question, yes, I had reinvented myself many, many times. I was in property management up in Connecticut. I then ~ my first job out of college was in Manhattan, but I went up to Connecticut, then property management, then knew that I was gonna go to Florida and get my real estate license and did what you call jam it in your brain real estate. You do one week. And you jam it in your brain, you pass the course and you're done, you know, and you get your license. And that's exactly what I did. And I did that for my broker's license as well for Florida. And I had three weeks, Travis White, of travel in my car. And I had a boyfriend at the time in Connecticut that I was leaving, right, to go to Florida. And he shut that w it was both it was amicable. He shut the the trunk of my car and he said, You can't open it until you get to Florida because I don't think you'll be able to close it. Right. So I literally lived, Yeah. it was the most humbling experience. I lived out of the duffel bag. I had a client, he was with Vovo, lovely, lovely man that I adored back then. And it was a big duffel bag and it said Volvo on it, because that was my client at the time. He worked for them. And I had two teddy bears and I had my a recorder and I recorded my entire trip down. And I have some unbelievable stories that are just phenomenal of that trip, that three week journey down. But it was the most it it was so cathartic, you know, to to to speak into that and and it's like talking to yourself, which is so important. You know, that our self-talk is so extremely important. Mm-hmm. That's where our we create our beliefs. And again, the belief, you know, is just a thought you really keep thinking. That's what a belief is. So then whatever you're thinking becomes your narrative and becomes your story. You don't like your story, you change your narrative. You know. This stuff is not new. It's not really that new. I just say it in different ways. No, but it's it's something that I feel like we have to be reminded over and over again. It's going back to that victim mentality where you just you know, Mm. Read. like you said, repeat the same narrative over and over again. Well you're the only one who can get yourself out of it. It's so true. So very true. So looking back with all your life experiences, what chapter in your life do you believe taught you the most about resilience? that's a phenomenal question. I'm gonna have to think on this for a second. I'm gonna have to fill the air. Wait a second, let's see. I'm not sure. my goodness. What part of my life? You know When I left my when I left my last relationship, which was in two thousand and sixteen, I didn't know where I was gonna go. And I was leaving South Florida and I was~ up here in the north driving for about a month. I just drove and hit all the places I love in New England, Rhode Island, and you know, Massachusetts. I just kept on driving around Delaware and I came around and came back to Jersey and I stayed at a friend's place in Jersey and it was Twenty five degrees and snowing outside. And I said, I think I have to rethink this strategy. I said, I don't think the Northeast is good for me because I was stuck in the I was freezing and I really don't love cold. And I had lived in Florida for so long. But I didn't really like South Florida anymore. South Florida, I could see the writing on the wall when '95 they started to open up the lanes to six lanes, like LA. I mean, it was I said this is gonna be another la LA. And when it started to take me forty five minutes on Federal Highway, which is Route One. on a trip that used to take me 15 minutes. Took me 45 minutes. On that day, I remember the day that I said, I'm out of here. I can't do this anymore. And that was it. And then traveling up there, and then I just, you know, I spoke to a good friend who had a home on Amelia Island and needed some assistance with her husband that was going through a hard time. And she needed assistance as well and just said, Hey Terry, you know, Come to Amelia Island, come to Fernadina Beach, actually. She's saying, I never heard of Fernadina Beach. But I had visited Amelia Island. It's just Amelia Island is very interesting when you it's a beautiful You know Jacksonville at all and that whole area? N no. my goodness. Amelia Island is just it's a really beautiful island. It is an island like Manhattan Island. Okay, in this city. The same, pretty much the same square footage. with thirty seven thousand people on it versus how many in Manhattan? One point eight million or something just on Manhattan Island. I mean it's i the contrast is outrageous, right? So you could cross that island in ten minutes. Could take you ten hours in traveling on Manhattan. But it's ~ it's a beautiful, beautiful place. So when she said for Nadina, first of all I couldn't even pronounce it. I think it took me like two weeks to pronounce the name of the place. I was really fumbling with Bernadena. And I visited, she said Amelia Island. I said, my God, I was there and I stayed at the Ritz when I worked at a company ~ for a bit in Boca Tone when I lived there. And ~ I said, I didn't even know Fernadina visit. She said it's right on the island. And it's because the Ritz, the the big hotels on that island, the Ritz and the Omni, they don't talk about downtown Fernadina Beach because don't want the money to leave their resort. That makes sense, yeah. amazing right so a lot of people didn't realize about it and I would I would go to the south of the island where these hotels are and I'd meet people sometimes at the bars and stuff and they'd be you know people who ~ were staying at the Aneo and I said have you been down to Fernadina you have to go because it's a great little you know it's a great little town so it's going through its its growing pains but it's a great town so I ~ I think you know A lot of resilience. I mean, when you're you're you know you're driving, you don't know what your next step is gonna be, what your next phase, you really have to dig deep to accept kind of your life at that moment of what's happening in the I don't know phase, and that goes for any stage of our life. You know, we can be in a relationship or in a job or anything where you're just at that point you're you're not able to make the decision yet. And I think it's really important to give ourselves the time we need. Give ourselves grace. Don't make a decision out of fight or flight and try not to make decisions out of fear. Out of any of these things where you're gonna step into something that in the long run is typically not gonna pan out. And it's it's happened to me over and over again, but but then again, you know, the resilience thereafter, you know, how long are you gonna stay in that story that doesn't feel good, or that victimhood, or that that beating yourself up because you don't know the way we do, because we feel like we have to know. All the time. It's part of the problem with Google. We have people talking to each other who think they know everything and everybody's talking over each other. Because we have Google now and we think we know everything. Mm-hmm. It's absurd. I mean Yeah. Y y yes it is and my favorite now is is playing playing the the you know, you have symptoms of something that comes up, whether it's mental or physical, and then you go and search it on Google, so then you become a doctor. I mean it's help Yeah Yeah, it's amazing. You can imagine how much fun the doctors are having with that. Poor doc they're going nuts. right? And it's I mean it's just like one of those things that's like helpful sometimes, but other times it's like, okay, well I've just filled my head with junk that probably does not need to be there. Yeah. It's true to to an extent. I think it's really fantastic, actually, especially when it comes to our health, honestly, because of Western medicine. And that's just a, you know, a view I have. But I feel that the more we learn and the more there are research papers out there that we can take the time to do a deep dive into whatever is happening for us. But the key is that whatever road we take that we believe it. I don't care if it's holistic, I don't care if it's Western, I don't care if it's Chinese, I don't care what it is. You better truly wholeheartedly believe it going Yep. Yep. Have some conviction. in without without a shadow without a shadow of a doubt. Yep. And that that is the tough thing, I think, for most people, because my feeling, Travis, is that the majority of humans walk around on this planet not feeling good enough. And if you don't feel good enough, you're gonna always be in doubt. And w coming from your background, how do you ~ get someone to get on the path to start feeling good enough? Well, a y you know, a huge part is gratitude. So, you know, different tools are out there, whether they're gratitude journals and such, but make it real easy for yourself and wake up every morning and say three things that you're grateful for before you lift your head off the pillow. When you step down on the ground, say thank you. That's by the way a Wayne Dyerism. And if you know who Wayne Dyer is, or if you don't, please, for the Travis White people out there, look up the shift. It's called it's a movie, it's on YouTube and it's Wayne Dyer and it's absolutely phenomenal, which is very much in line with what we're talking about right now. He's like the grandfather of it all. He was absolutely a beautiful soul. and I think, you know, affirmations are quite important, though you have to get super real with yourself and then decide that you're gonna give yourself grace. And there's a forgiving piece to this that's very important for individuals to forgive themselves over anything that's happened that they feel that they need to forgive themselves for. Not only forgiving the other person, but forgiving themselves first and foremost is most important. And then for and then ask for forgiveness to your inner child. Close your eyes, see yourself as a young child and sitting see yourself as an sitting with your young child, with your young self, your young Travis as an adult, and just kind of sit there with each other with your eyes closed and have a conversation. Become your own best friend. I love it. I think becoming our own best friend is so important, you know, because then then we'll treat ourselves with more compassion and respect and love. And when we do that, we become kinder to other people around us. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. I feel a lot of times that if you don't truly love yourself, it's gonna be hard for you to accept and love the people around you. Absolutely. Absolutely agreed. I think, you know, I I have to thank mom, interestingly enough, for saying that to me at a very young age. I remember that. I remember her saying that to me. So thanks, Mom. I guess that's why I dedicated the book to her too. You know, I have a page and I actually dedicated Abercadaber to her. And we'll get into that in a little bit, but everybody was so surprised 'cause I had so much drama in my life and all this other stuff and it was very much revolved around mom, right? The daughter, mother, yeah, Mm-hmm. craziness. And And I laugh about that and I came full circle with it, you know, with just understanding and appreciating that y she is still here at ninety two. Yes, sometimes I could pull my hair out, but guess what? You know, I'm I'm quite grateful that we get to play rummicue and every night, you know, and and sing together sometimes and laugh together and sometimes I get to bring her to a Broadway show, you know, for her birthday, which was just Absolutely incredible day. And you know, sometimes you do want to go back to those days that are just so beautiful with someone and talk about it together because it will raise both your vibration and you almost fall back into love like and everything else and respect for each other when you do that. That's one of my favorite things to ~ actually do with my wife is just to talk about our past and like our dating gears. Because it I mean we've been together for p like twenty ish years or something like that. It's been a while. Nice. Congratulations. Maybe maybe not quite twenty, but it's getting close, it feels like that. But I think I've known her for a little over twenty years now. But it's we have so many stories and I could just reminisce about those stories every day. Yeah. It's really fun to do and ~ you know, it's good that y you're not it's not about the elephant in the room and having to go back to the negative stuff, right? And the stuff we're, you know, because that's where I think a lot of the relationships just break down. Because again, that's the narrative that you're focusing on. So you're choosing with your wife, Travis, which is brilliant, to focus on the really great stuff. You know? So Mm-hmm. you know, the holding hands and, you know, the kissing under the moonlight or whatever it is. I mean, it's really lovely. So congratulations on doing that. That's super. You guys have kids? We have four kids. Congratulations. That's amazing. Yeah, so pretty pretty busy. I can imagine. Give me the age range and what they are. I have a six year old girl, a four year old boy, Yeah. Names. so the six year old is Ellie, and we have~ four year old is Asher. Yeah. two year old is Hudson and then a two month old Sawyer. Let's see. For you and Sawyer's a girl or boy. nope, a boy. So three boys and one girl, wow, congratulations. yep. And the girl's the oldest. God bless her. Yep. boy. That's amazing. Yeah.~ congratulations. That's beautiful.~ And tell you and tell your wife that she's special. Thank you. Because I really feel that any woman who has More than three boys, or three boys or more, as I say, 'cause I'm one of my very good friends has three boys. And I always say to her, I think truly that God like specially picked certain Yeah. you know to have three boys. And I know that women always say that boys are but three boys? It's it's another animal to me. I mean it's just it would be from the outside in. Yeah, we know we have we know we have it coming for us, but ~ our girl, I don't know if it's like the DNA from one of us, but sh she she can stand her own ground. She's she's a little bit of sugar and spice, we'll say that. Yeah, good for her. Well, she has to be with three. Yeah. So she's right in right in the age for when we can transition here a little bit, was she's right in the age with ~ Abracadabra, my book. So my book is a six for six to nine year olds, Yeah. and I also have a coloring book, which by the way goes up to I don't care how long old and even Abracadabra itself, the illustrated book. Have it. I think I have it right here. The illustrated book goes to 71 at least. I had a 71 year old man, Travis, who literally called me one month after the book was published and said, Terry, I found your book. And he found me because I was in some business with him, because I've changed so many businesses so many times. Mm-hmm. But and he said to me, I was on your list. So I was on he was on my list and he happened to get it and he got it for his. granddaughter who was twelve, but he read it. And at that point in his life, which is just this year, he had rheumatoid arthritis. And his PT group was just starting to talk to him how ~ how he needs to integrate, you know, just positive talk and mindset. So he reads my book for the four to for for the you know, for the six to nine. And he said, Terry, change my life. He said, I'm reading it every night. It's unbelievable. And his review is actually on Amazon, a beautiful soul who bared it to me and about his granddaughter as well, that he's very concerned about and wanted to get the book for her. And ~ yeah, it was really, really special. And that's when I realized that, wow, this book is going to literally span generations. How amazing. How absolutely incredible. So now I'm on the journey.~ the book is written. You know, of course I don't have enough reviews, and I'd love every single one of your people to try and buy it or even get it on Kindle and give me a review. You know, Kindle's really cheap. It's like $2.99. I get paid. It's not about me and money at all. It's really about the message. The message is so important to me. It's a mission of mine to empower children. Children are actually the least empowered demographic. So I didn't even realize that when I wrote it. I wrote it over 14 years ago. So imagine I write this book over 14 years ago. It's hanging out because and because I at that point in my life had some cynicism. And remember I was used to cynicism in my life. Mm-hmm. Right. So I had some cynicism going on then and it just the whole story just came to me. And I think it's It's a bit very much about me too. I mean, I was bullied as a kid.~ yeah, I was a pretty happy go lucky kid, but I was bullied horribly and I used to walk out of that elevator. And if I heard the angst or any kind of argument in this house down the hallway, all I would want to do is cry and run back into my room and create happy. And I immediately came that mediator. to put levity and happiness in the household. And I think that's why dad and I also would kind of kid and and laugh and be absolutely hysterical over the silliest things, you know, because all we love to really do is laugh together. And laughter is the best antidote. It really is. It's the best. I I use it with mom all the time. I mean it's amazing how if my face shifts And I just have a little smile with her, her whole being shifts. So my my question while you were saying all that that came up was W why ~ you said it was written like over fourteen years ago. Why wait until now to publish it? Yeah. You know, I I part of me could kick myself because now everybody's writing Okay. a children's book, right? Like if I came out with this book 14 years ago, it would have been like insane. And well, you know, but I really also feel like it's a poignant time. This time that this book is coming out right now is extremely poignant. I mean, kids are more distracted by what is outside of them between The media and the social media and the television and their friends and the competition and and all of it, that it is so imperative that we teach them to trust themselves, to trust their own, what I like to call inner wizard. It is So important that they start looking for approval because they trust themselves within themselves, not approval on the outside. That's when a kid's gonna grow up into an adult who creates a life they love. Because that's what I'm also showing them in the book, is through Danny and Danny's experience, her parents are just spatting, you know. Having an argument. You could see it in the background. And Danny's running down to the lake. And she goes down to the lake and she sees her image in the lake. When she sees that image in the lake, the image becomes her sage and starts talking to her about the power within her to create a life she's going to love. And that she has the ability to do that. Yet the image also stops because she sees Danny crying and she acknowledges that. And that's a huge lesson for all of us to acknowledge each other's emotions. Cause we wanna wipe it away a lot. We don't know what to say, we don't know how to say, we don't you know, there's a lot of that that goes on too. yes, for sure. And I I think ~ learning to trust yourself and believe in yourself was huge, especially with what you were you were just said with media and everything that have right in front of their faces. I grew up in the nineties. So I I think that I grew up in an age that was we've seen some cool technology, but at the same time I feel like technology today it's the the experiences of growing up are just way different. Yeah, and it's taking over and AI's ~ a very interesting piece to it. And ~ I've had discussions with people about this about children growing up in a age where and we feel this way too as adults where what is real anymore? We don't we don't know what is real anymore. Mm-hmm. It's it's scary, And it's and it's very, very scary in that way. yeah. So it's very scary in that way. So, you know, talking to kids, you know, I I I I touch upon community in the book. You know, she's got, you know, she's got this Danny's got this just beautiful way about her so she can bring people together. Right? That's what her her sage talks to her about and that she really has the power inside of her. And at the end of the book it's very interesting because I talk about how silly and easy it is. And honestly, Travis, it really is. I think ~ I think Part of being an adult or being the the victim adult is also complicating our Let's make it really complicated. So then we can give ourselves major accolades. It's like everybody also loves the underdog, right? Everybody loves that sad sap story and people come through. Mm-hmm. And I think it's beautiful not to take anything away from any of those stories. You know, ~ seeing seeing someone. Who has broken in my life actually, I saw someone who who broke one leg and both b broke both femurs. Okay. And literally from I think it was June that that he broke them, was back on skis in December and his doctor said, No way. There is absolutely no way you're gonna do it and he said, Yeah, sh watch me. So those kind of stories are really powerful, but it didn't make him a victim, right? Right. So we, you know, we have the ability to turn our stories around really, really quickly. And through this book and and Danny and such, I my goal is to have generations understand that they do have that ability to create lives they love. Because when they grow into loving adults, they will be kinder and they will be more connected to themselves and others around them. And that's the kind of world that I'd like to leave. That's truly my mission. And I'm hoping that people join me on it, whether it's through the book or once I launch the Inner Magic Club dot com. That's gonna be a site that is gonna be absolutely tremendous for kids to build their their skills in in social learning. It's gonna be outrageous. So that's something I'm working on and it's gonna some time. But I'm excited about it. That's great. I absolutely love it. Really excited. Yeah. Yeah. And when I think of the word abracadabra, I think of first thing is magic, obviously. And so what does magic represent in your life beyond the fantasy So if you look up the word Abercadabra, it's actually a word that means create with your word. I don't know if you know that. That I did not know that. And that's really powerful, okay, for someone like me who that's it's my whole world. That is very powerful, yeah. And I didn't name it, by the way, because I knew that. I named it. I see, these are the synchronicities. Travis White, if I could talk to you about synchronicities in my life, He you'd be blown away. I mean, it's just insane what's gone on in so many ways. And it and it's f and it's very fun. And I think when we're in a space, and this is a great lesson that I've learned when I'm in a space where I'm just more in joy, and I like to say that I N joy than E N joy. I'm in joy more than not. And I'm kind of not so worried. Because worry is just like almost a wasted time, you know, worrying about things that have never happened before. Okay, let's really create that narrative. So that just that never made sense to me. So I I'm not attached nor necessarily worried because I know that everything's work out for me. And that's the mantra that I have in my book as well. That I share with children with stickers and the rest of the jazz. But I abracadabra means truly create with your word. And that's exactly what I'm teaching Danny in this book. And that's exactly what I'm teaching children, is that their words are incredibly empower powerful. And more powerful is the way they're talking to themselves. So again, back to being your best friend. So everything is like in a in in a cycle, you know, it it it always comes back, it always goes around and around. And what's interesting about kids, and I'm sure you know this having four, is that they start to lose a little bit of their light. Right? As adults, we really do. Somehow it's been squelched out of them. You know, they feel like taking on and this this is great for your older taking on responsibility means they have to be super serious and their light has to go away. Who said that that was a rule? Right? I was still having fun with my father when my father was eight. Yeah. Yeah. We were still having such silly times. It didn't matter. Yeah, and my my wife will always tell people that she married a man child. Yeah. Yeah. It's great.'Cause I'm she said that sometimes I'm on the same wavelength as our four year old son. I was like, Hey, I'll I'll take it. Absolutely.'Cause I I know how to enjoy life. Exactly. I'm not saying that I don't have my ups and downs but in my moments, There's nothing wrong with that. Right. but in But who said that that that that there's anything wrong with that? That you're gonna be taking so much less seriously. I'd rather be, you know, in a state of just joy and awe and excitement over what's next and this planet that we live on that's so incredibly beautiful. As to why we wanna our list is growing, Mm-hmm. Travis, as we said earlier, of places that we want to travel and such. It's you know, it's an incredible world that we live in. And, you know, when you when you lose people in your life, which I did that you know of, a very, very close friend of mine and things get super serious. You look at situations like that and you say, Where's the gift? Where's the learning? And the learning itself is the gift. You see. So that's when you when you have a when you shift your perspective to always knowing that everything's working out and that there's a learning, then nothing's really good or bad. It's just kind of what is and you play with it. And you start playing with the universe. And then all those things that you want to manifest kind of fall in your lap magically in ways that you would never think would have. Yeah. And my problem is is sometimes I'm not a I'm a very anxious driven person. So it's like those moments like aren't always easy for me and I I just hate like the the unknown. That's my problem is the unknown. But it's something that I'm w yep, Yep. Or the waiting. the waiting too. But it's something that I'm working on every single day to ~ overcome, I should say. I've listened to a many, many people in my life and one very special individual, Esther Hicks and Abraham, would say things like the reason why it's taking so long to get what you want It because you're acknowledging that it's taking so long. And that for me means get super present, get super grateful, and just kind of move through life, not thinking that the moment you have now is not good enough, that it's gotta be better. It's gotta be better, it's gotta be faster. Yeah. It's it it just reminds me how today is it's instant gratification and we're we don't get that. That's never the case. And we literally get frustrating. Really frustrating. I mean it's it's just take it down a notch, Mm-hmm. people. Right? Yeah, as my therapist once told me, low your expectations. If if your expectations are here and you're just having difficulty, put it just to right here and you'll actually see an increase in your happiness level. It's an interesting way to think about it, in terms of lowering expectations. I I I just also feel like I don't know if we need to live life with all of these expectations all the time. Yeah, I agree with that. Like if we could stay in a space where we're just enjoying what we have. And in the knowing that things will work out, and you have different goals and you have different things that you want and you desire, but you don't yearn for them. See, when you yearn for them, it's a completely different frequency where coming from lack. And if you're coming from lack, Mm. forget it. Or if you're coming from a competition or that one has it and you and you're seeing all of that that you focus on everybody else who has things that you don't have. Never gonna happen. Whatever you want, that is. So you know, we come into this world empty handed and we go out of this world empty handed. yeah. It's a great line in another Billy Joel song. So it's i 'cause you wake up you wake up by yourself. That's that's a line in his song. It's A great line. And it's true. I mean, we really do. So think about that. When I when I the humbling experience of driving three weeks with that bag was unbelievable. Everything I needed, Travis, was in that bag. I needed nothing else. I had a storage unit up in Hartford, Connecticut. I have a I had a trunk I couldn't even open. And everything I needed to live was in this duffel bag. And that was the most humbling experience I ever had in my life. And I think that's why sometimes I ~ though listen, don't get me wrong, I love travel, I love really beautiful things and be I'm a Libra. I mean I love I love love, I love beauty, Yeah. I love balance, I love all of these great things and great clothes and this and that. Yet at the same time I could live super simply. Just very simply, you know? in the end, if you think about it, we don't need all that stuff. Like it's we like it and love it. Right. But media, you know, again, I go back to and I and I was listening to someone the other day who's, you know, ~ a money master, let's say we call her, and she was on a pod. I was listening to her, and she said she's met the most miserable people who have millions and billions. It's not about that. It's it's just really shifting the perspective. on I believe what's important which is the now. And when you start getting grateful, you start to smile. And when you smile, the world changes. Right in front of you. You know. H that actually reminds me of some comedy special that I saw. Like some piece of it where he's talking about people that are ungrateful compared to people that are grateful. And for some reason, the people that are grateful, he relates them to rednecks. And he Yeah, Thank you. and he's saying that like, you know, I came from a redneck town and when I asked so and so down the street how her day was, she'll tell me all her problems, but at the very end she'll say But I'm so blessed to have what I have in this life. But she'll state all her problems. That's interesting. That's really interesting. Yeah. Well, some people would equate gratitude with ~ with religious studies and Bible. And ~ you know, the the mid the middle states are more and the southern states are into, you know, I lived in the in the Bible belt for a while. Amelia Island was part of the Bible belt in some ways. And ~ I used to make bookmarks with crosses. They were absolute Bible bookmarks. Absolutely beautiful. Really truly beautiful and special. And 'cause I have this creative bl brain that just has to keep on creating and I love working with my hands. I have so many beads under my bed right now, it's frightening. Yeah. So I I feel that gratitude as a human being is is something that is taken for granted. We take for granted a lot of s a lot of things in this country, you know. And I I believe that when we get grateful for I'm talking about the really basic things, like ten fingers and ten toes, you know, I mean there are people out there always, always in a tougher situation. And every single one of us is blessed. We can always find something, you know, Mm-hmm. that to be grateful for and focus on that for a while for every day. And find the three things and then add another and add another. And smile at a hum another human being and open up the door. I mean, always you know, the golden rule really works, which is treat others the you know, the way you would treat yourself. I mean and think about that when you decide to become friends with yourself,'cause how would you treat yourself? Yeah, it's it's very true. And it's I always 'cause there there's times where I I treat myself pretty bad, but I've always tried to be nice to everybody around me, and that's for one reason. Mm. You never know what they're going through. Right. It's very, very, very true. And a lot of people are afraid to ask and to meet people where they are because they're afraid Mm-hmm. of the answer and they're afraid of intimacy. Yeah, that's very true. But then I feel like on the flip side, it's there's also those people that they get asked the question like, How are you doing? And it's like, I'm okay. I'm okay. Are you really or are you just telling me that? Absolutely. Absolutely. So what would the next question be, you think? Instead of saying, Are you okay? If you know what's happening in someone's life, you could always say, So how are you feeling about Yeah, that's You know, tell me tell me about what's happening with. So it's not it's also not a a closed-ended question where it's a yes Mm-hmm. or no where they can, you know, t they can respond and would respond, or you share with them how you're feeling about something because that always opens up the door for someone feeling safe enough to share what's happening for them. Yes, for sure. So all of this is all about vulnerability and getting vulnerable, especially with your partner, is the way marriages stay together, I feel. Getting vulnerable with your partner and also appreciating them every day and letting them I really believe that appreciation's the biggest thing for every everybody wants to be appreciated and loved, right? So even people in jobs, what do they want? Mm-hmm. They want acknowledgement. They'd love more money too. But let's say the money couldn't happen for six months. If they weren't acknowledged, they'd probably leave their job. Yeah, and that small bit of an acknowledgement and a job or a little bit of praise goes a long ways. It's so big, so big, and it's so easy to do. I totally agree. Great talk here, Chavis White. This is fun. I love I love conversations. I always tell people I feel like I'm getting a free therapy session to every every conversation that I have.'Cause there's so many th there's only everybody has little bits and pieces that Isn't that great? Yeah. I can pick up on. Yeah. Different nuances to to a life well lived, you know. And and to be able to pass that on Yes, for sure. to other people is something that I've wanted to do my whole life. That's why, you know, getting into ~ life coaching was really important to me and getting certified in that and neuro linguistic programming and a hypnosis and stuff, all of that stuff. is really important, but it really comes down to this. the conversation. And in our society right now we're having less and that less of them because of AI and because of media and television and s you know, streaming and scrolling and, you know, the S's to the nth power. So If we can just find time in our day every day to say hello to someone we don't know, give them a smile, right? Open the door, do a kind gesture. I mean, all of this will just kind of spread. You know, I knew the gentleman actually who was the first one who did the pay it forward down in Florida. And he was written up and he w I think he was in a ~ in the media for it where he paid for someone else's coffee behind him. And then that person paid that coffee and so on and so on. And that whole pay it forward thing started to sprout across the across the which was really, really fun. Well think about that. Think about that for kindness in general and how how much better we'd all feel. Yeah, in this society. And right now this this world, this our United States and this society really could use a boost of kindness. Yes, it could. I I feel like this is another topic of itself, but we're split in so many different ways. And yet we're really not. We're really not. Yeah. I mean, if you really get down to to the nitty gritty, we all want the same thing. It's peace. Yeah. Yeah. Really peace and happiness and freedom and just we want to live our lives. Be left alone, correct? That's it. We just wanna, you know, live our lives and and leave it, you know, as beautiful as we can. And no matter what we do in our life, we are leaving some kind of stamp. You don't have to be a movie star, you don't have to be, you know 'cause again, we all leave the same way. I mean we all really leave the same way. Mm-hmm. So, you know what? Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and You know, get happy in the moment and just really ~ Become your best friend. I really believe that. just goes back to your book. I love it. I love I love I really do love that message. Mm-hmm. It Thank you so much. Yeah. And I don't even write that in the book. This is the becoming your best friend is something that I started to talk about literally, Travis, in the past couple of weeks. I don't know how it came to me, but I was I I'm really not sure. But when it came to Talking to yourself and the self talk. You know, I used to think to myself, on my own I I used to say to myself, you know, I like my company. I go to a lot of things alone. I really do. You know? I've moved so many times, unfortunately, that I my community is spread out all over the place. So unfortunately it's not and you know, it's not here here where I am physically. And that makes it a little tough on me.'Cause it can get lonely. But at the same time, Mm-hmm. you know, I'm trying to build new friendships and I'm doing that through sites like neighborhood and all of that and you know, and I still go out and I can go out like I did last night for the soccer game, you know, down to a couple of local bars in Bayside and and had a blast. You know, just met people. 'Cause I you know, I'm that kind of personality though. Not everybody's like that. A lot of people, you know, won't go places by themselves, which I understand.~ yeah, my I I like to go to concerts by myself. That's like that's me. That's how I de escalate and get my anxiety on track and my wife always tells me that you're that weird guy that stands alone. that's awesome. I said, Hey, I can do what I want. I don't have to get permission from anybody else. I don't have to be like, Hey dude, like ~ are we good to go now? Do you wanna go stand over here? No, I can Do how I please. Yep. Exactly. Exactly. When I go to see Le Miz the arena concert on Thursday night, I'm gonna have tons of tissues with me and I'll probably be hysterical crying in the corner, please. Hehehehe Like, you know, it's okay. I don't really care. No makeup or anything 'cause it will be all over me and you know But I figure that that's what's probably gonna happen. But I'm happy to go to something like that. In other words, I'm not gonna miss out on the things that I wanna do because I'm solo. That doesn't make sense to me. I think I believe I deserve more than that. And if I wanna see something, I'm gonna go see it. So that's not gonna stop me. Yeah. But of course, you know, you wanna share your life and there there's fun things to share. And I think that's part of why I'm really enjoying being a guest on on podcasts as well, because I get to talk about this and You've opened the door, Travis White, to so much more here and it's ~ lovely to have a true conversation.'Cause lately, like I said to you before, the podcasts have been a little bit different where it's like question, answer, question, answer. And that to me is a bit more boring. It's not a conversation. Yeah. Yeah yeah, my my favorite podcasts are conversations, so I was like I that's what I want to mirror.~ Exactly. But I I want it to be yeah, it's your st I just still want it to be the guest's story, not my own. So I try not to throw like too much of my own story out there, but Yeah, it's perfect. Terrific. I love it. And I would love to you had mentioned you lost a loved one and we discussed this a little bit before the show. I'd love to touch base on that if that's okay with you. It's ~ it's still quite raw, interestingly enough, yet it also seems like a year. So imagine that early March, and what is it now? July. July. So it's it's incredible that it's not even six months, and it still feels like a year, but truly my best friend, she's the She took her life when I was actually in the house. And I didn't know, so it was overnight. I thank God wasn't the one that found her, yet I knew when I knocked on the door and I couldn't open the door. It was you just you know, your gut. And it was A travesty, it was tragic, it was ~ Very difficult. And I need a community, which I had. ~ to and people would reach out, one person in diff in particular reached out and said, What do you need? See, that's where it's so important, right? Because you never know what people need. And at that point, what I shared is I need community. I need someone to pull together a memorial service within two days because I have to leave to go get my mother. That's how quick it was. And there was standing room only, Travis, for this individual in a church. And people were outside wanting to get in. It's unreal. That was two days. There was still some people who didn't even know. So the most amazing thing is how much She impacted the people that she met all over the world and in businesses and and did not mentally believe that she would be able to do that again. She was reinventing herself and had a very difficult time it. And a big part of it was getting off medication that was very important to keep her ~ to keep her healthy. And when you start to screw with medication, it's you're not even you're not even you're not even dealing with what what it's bad, yeah. I say to people is you're n actually not even dealing with the same person. And it's very hard to believe that because the person looks the same, sounds the same, doesn't s and this person was so brilliant that she talked anyone under the table, so acting was an ish ~ an issue as to how well she is or or what you know, wasn't but the the astonishing part is you're still reacting to her and with that individual who's going through this in a way that they're not they're not they're not the same person. But it's hard for us to believe that when they're going when they're down this kind of a a slide, right? And going down this kind of slide. It's As I said to you in the beginning of the show, it's gonna be a day that will last for me and then for me. That whole week. And I I feel like when you get so far down, especially if you're dealing with depression, among other things too, it's you almost find easy to put on a mask in front of other people. No doubt. I mean and and you know what's funny about it is we talked about it before. I mean, even when people aren't going through stuff, but you ask them how they are doing and most people will say, Fine. I'm fine. I'm good. Everything's all right. You know. And it's and it's because we're also in the race, right? We don't have time. We also n don't necessarily feel ~ that Mm-hmm. the person who's asking that right now maybe you really want to open up to that individual, you know. And ~ and then we never know what to say after. Yeah. Well yeah. It's like we just don't he you know, if someone says, Hey, you know, I I think I said that to someone the other day. They said, How are you doing? I said, Well things could be could be a bit better between mom and I right right at this second. I'm really sorry to hear that. Yeah. I said, Yeah, so am I and that and that's it. I mean Sometimes it's all you need. it depends on what kind of person you are to you know, to open up or not, though I think it's important to know again, to meet people, try to meet people where they are. And also it's important to forgive yourself 'cause as you could imagine, and I've had these conversations over and over, is well Terry, do you think you could have done anything different? That the outcome would have been different. Right? And of course, you know, you can't imagine. I mean, I I I went down that that funnel for a while, you know, going over it in my mind of what was said the day before, the day the night before, you know, and the crazy synchronicities that night. And You just you you you say to yourself, No, actually no. I the gift is that I was there. The gift is that she did choose to do this while I was there because she knew that I'd handle it the way I handled it. You know? And I so I know why. And if she had done it after or before when I wasn't there, when I couldn't get there or I couldn't make it there, then I would have been like really upset. You know? But am I gonna miss her terribly? Every day. Every single day. And is there anything that you learned about mental illness that you may have not grasped before this,~ before the loss of your friend that you like took away from it? I think I think more than anything, when people make different decisions, major decisions about their life and life changes. That you have to be really careful not to do too many changes at once. I did it to myself years ago. I was getting married, changed jobs, moved, and I think bought a car or something, all at the same like all at the same time. And it's a It's a little much. And I think I bought a business too. Right. That's what happened. And I and I think it was just it was overwhelming. And there are some personalities that can handle that, especially if you have resources. But there are some people who, depending on how sensitive whatever they're doing is, you have to be really, really careful. And I think that we as humans can get overloaded. And we have to be really super careful and give ourselves again that grace that we need. And ~ and allow ourselves to be patient with ourselves. Patience is really, really important, you know, and seek the help that we need. I mean, raise your hand. And if you know that you're one of those people that can act. Right? That has that way of just saying, yeah, everything's okay, and just kind of sweeping things under the rug, and you're feeling different than that. Time for help. It's time to raise your hand. It really is. Yes. Very well said. And I I love you've mentioned it before earlier in the~ showing yourself grace. I I can't go into that enough because during my hardest times that I I was never a person to show myself grace ever. I never gave me any leeway for that because there's been times in my life and I still do it to this day where I'm really extremely harsh on myself. And until you learn how to show yourself grace and sh celebrate those the small steps. I w is for me, I guess I should only speak for myself. I didn't f feel like I got anywhere. Mm. Mm. But we do by giving ourselves the patience, Yeah. we're we're allowing first of all, Mm-hmm. we're allowing our creative juices to flow more, right? And we're we need to regenerate. Mm-hmm. That's why sleep is so important. You know? So when we give ourselves any kind of grace at any time, we're literally giving ourselves the permission to regenerate and giving you giving our heart, you know, a nod. And I think it's I think it's really, really important to do that, ~ very, very much. So yeah, it was ~ was an a an unbelievable time and I tried to do my best through it all. Mm-hmm. You know. That's it's all you can do is give it your best. Do you and do you feel like 'cause to me you you're a very optimistic person. From what I from what I see, from what I know. So do you believe that optimism and grief can exist at the same time? Always been. it has to. I mean it did for me. I think we talked about this before, Travis. I mean, I was literally Abercadaver was came out. I was visiting an area that had not really seen or heard about the book and I had appointments, I had bookstores to go to, I had events planned, I had ~ I had all of this going on. And then bam. I was like, okay. And I had two appointments that day that I canceled. So we also talked about how it's really interesting and we have to be really careful about this, you know, people will pretend that everything's okay. And that's when we need to get super vulnerable with them about our lives and give them a per permission to be able to share. Okay. And if we see that they need help, then you know what? Have them agree that they do and then get them the help that they need. You know? Because if they're good at bullshitting and they're good at, you know, acting well guess what they're gonna act in front of any doctor to get them whatever they need whether it's prescriptions or whether it's no prescriptions at all right so I think we have to be ~ the people that we care about we actually have to be their best friend too all the time and check in with people see how they're doing all the things just check in. You know what does it take? Nowadays with the text, I was just blown away, honestly. I mean, and it and it was disappointing to me. And in some ways it still is. There were so many people that I knew, you know, in this community that never really reached out to me after. Now it could be because I was the one that was there and they're that maybe they're playing a blame game. I don't know what it is. But guess what? It was huge. It was a massive thing that I went through. And they knew how close it was. It's Reach out, say, Hey, how you doing? Thinking about you. You okay? It's all it takes. Doesn't take much more. Yeah, and no, not at all. And it's I have a friend that we've you know, we've both dealt with anxiety and depression pretty bad and I check in on him quite quite on a regular basis because I know how he gets. And he's actually ~ my concert going buddy when I'm not flying solo. But there'll be times where like, hey buddy, how are you doing today? Like, I'm okay. I'm like, no, how are you really doing today? So he'll he'll tell me and go into details. There you go. And he's actually told me before, because I I know I get kind of annoying with those texts. And I've told him that, I'm like, I know, I know I get annoying, but I really do care about you. And he said, No, it's not annoying 'cause you're one of the only people who reach out to me and actually care as deep as you do. So I won't let it go away. Like I I just keep doing it. If I told him if he ever gets I get to the over the top, just tell me to stop. And and I said, I won't cut ties, but I'll stop. Might be for a week or two and you'll get it again, but you'll still hear from me. That's beautiful. And I learned a lesson in losing someone in my life that I said I can't handle being all these calls every day. You know? It was her way of connecting and I just was overwhelmed by it and severed. You know, and that's a long, long time ago. But I you know, you learn, I mean, you learn through life and relationships that we build are really precious. And you know, I have a friend who has a huge community of people, and the other day she said to me because I said, you know, I get I do get really upset if I'm the one who always does the calling. And there are some people who are like that, right? And I said, I really feel like it it ought to be a two way thing. Mm-hmm. Right? Her comment to me was really interesting. She said, Terry, let me tell you something. I do eighty percent of the calling. People don't reach out to me. Now this person in particular has so many people in her life. It's outrageous the communities she's built around her, you know? And the kids and the family and all of that. And it's and it's beautiful in its own right. And it's to me super like super overwhelming. I mean, I have a sister who thinks I just have so many friends and she doesn't know the half of it. It's like, you know. Like I feel like I have nobody, you know, and I do, and I know I do, but they're just again, they're just so spread out. And there are some people I've chosen not to stay in touch with. And I've chosen also to to like you to the point you said before, it's really important to have those parameters and boundaries around people that don't exactly support Mm-hmm. you. And the Yeah, if they're Yeah. bringing the negative negativity into your life, is it you have to weigh out is it is it worth it? Yeah. Yeah. And it's and it's not always. It it just really isn't. Or or you're not being supported or someone's minimizing you or, you know, putting you down in different ways in a joking manner, but but it's you know for someone like me who's been bullied before, that just that that triggers that real quick. Yeah. And I go, Yeah, no, I don't need that in my life. Yeah, yep. I actually had a friend ~ who you know, we went we went to college together and he's we've always been a group of guys that just joke around with each other and yes, times we take it too har too too far. That's what people do. But you know, years later, this was years after college, I was going through a really, really hard time. And I felt inclined to reach out to him or I maybe he reached out to me. I can't really rem remember. That's not doesn't really matter. But he started joking around and saying all this stuff and just kept putting me down. So I finally text back and said, you what? I don't need this in my life. If you want to be an asshole, you can go do it somewhere else. I said, but come back to me when you actually want to talk like an adult. And so I at that time I was planning on cutting ties with him. And I think it was about a week later, he said, I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I'm sorry that I treated you that way. I should have known better. And ever since then, he doesn't joke around like that unless he knows like, you know, a joke here and there is fine, but when it's continue continuing and it's just downplaying a person, that's Yeah. Yeah. But this is where we're at with a lot of ~ w I mean, Not okay. I see it in our society now, you know, people are one upping each other in knowledge, Uh-huh. they're one upping each other on experience, they're one upping each other on travel, they're one it's like we're ~ it's like this constant competition that's going on that I that I see. I see it with kids, right? So and and I I think also that ~ yeah. You know, that's ~ it's also in our sports, of course, right? Which I get that, but it belongs there. It's it's a little bit different. But when you have kids that are on the field, right? You know, listen, Mm-hmm. I you know, if someone tries, they try. They don't necessarily deserve a award if they're the last. I don't I don't believe that. I don't think that inspires a child. I really don't. So You know, that's a problem that has been talked about for a long time. But there are so many ways we can support children now and empower them and and one of the most important things is understanding that the magic is inside of them and it's always been inside of them. And the magic is inside of us as adults and it's always been inside of us. And if we start looking at life a little bit differently, that magic Will start to manifest in many different ways where you'll be in awe. You'll just be in absolute awe of what's happening. And that's when things get really fun. Yeah. Then when you can really you play with the universe and you just throw things out there and the synchronicities happen and you're like you know, and you just move you move through life like that and it's really, really super fun. And 'cause life is supposed to be fun. So you Which is the way I end my book. And you actually open it up for the question that I've been thinking about. Really good segue. Is so you've talked about having an inner wizard. What does that actually look like in everyday life? So I think it's I I think it's a pause. I think the inner wizard is like a pause, you know? ~ you're making a decision, something's kinda big, and and s instead of just rushing into it, right? You you look at it from many different angles and then you listen to yourself. Just sit with yourself for a minute or two or five and close your eyes. Just kind of go go inside into the silence and see what see what your gut says to you. Have that conversation with your best friend. You And see and and and base that decision on how you think you would feel of whether it's something you're gonna do to someone else or with someone else or whatever it is. Right? But do it based on that, on how you would think you would feel. And I think that in itself will open up the door that that To that kind of communication and build that muscle and that strength in the self-talk and the conversation that you continually make on a daily basis about the decisions that are in front of you. And it will it's a skill, right? Like anything else, but it's a skill that you can train your mind and your body to do. in terms of listening to yourself, you know. And then when you start doing that to other people and you start slowing things down and actually listening and connecting with each other and putting the phones down while you're with each other. I mean, I don't know how many conversations you've been with, but not once did I pick up my phone and look at my phone. Mm mm. Right? So And we we sit there, we hold our phones, right, when we're in the conversation, we look at them while people are talking to us. It pings and we have to look at the text. Yeah, but it's like right away, Why is that? like is it ten s seconds like really gonna matter or whatever? Like it's gonna matter if it's an hour later? It's un unbelievable. I I I yeah. And you have people that get pissed that you don't think you don't you don't respond in ten minutes. I know. It's it's over the top, a little nuts. And that's why people get into an accident, into accidents, because they're texting while driving, you know, because they have to respond right away or they have to see it right And it all it takes is a split second. Yeah. I And that's when the now is so important too. When you think about and there's so many lives. I mean, my girlfriend I there one split second, one choice will change your life, absolutely change your life. So stay in the moment, stay present, enjoy the conversation that you're in, look eye to eye, actually listen to people, right? Such a different world. So if we could teach our children that and make sure that that parameter is you're going to the dinner table, here's the basket. Where are your cell phones? gonna talk like a family. dad, come on. No, no, no. I I need to do this. Hey. I need to do that. Well not right now, Yeah, yeah. you don't. We have an hour and a half together right now and that's what we're doing. And we're gonna go around the table and we can talk about the mantra that we created as a family. And I want to know how many times you said that today. And it's no if you didn't say it at all, you're not putting anybody down. Hey You'll get it next time. Whatever it is, but just acknowledging people and creating that mantra for a family, by the way, really brings a family together too. It's pretty neat. Just a little added thing I gave you, I love it. Absolutely love it. Travis. With four kids. And I my daughter not too long ago asked my wife and I, when am I gonna get a cell phone? I s we're like, Well when you're eighteen and can purchase it yourself. And I was like, I'm you're not having when you're growing up and I said, Brilliant. So she can she can hate us when she's a teenager. I said We might have like some family like phone type thing so when she's out and about we can know where she's at, but no, my kids don't get their own until they can pay for it. Well, good for you. Good for you. Wow. That's the first time I ever heard that.'Cause it comes with too much trouble. Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. Well, I honestly just have a few kind of follow up questions here. Just like really simple kind of close it out questions. Sure. Of course. What do you feel is the biggest stigma when it comes to mental health? What do I feel is the biggest s stigma when it comes to mental health. Did you say thing? Stigma. Stigma. Stigma. Got it. Yeah. The stigma is that it's wrong to me to be mentally ill. That's the stigma. Very well said. It's a stigma. ~ I I mean it's really it's it's it's that simple. And the stigma is also the fear. The fear that we have of the mentally ill. That's a perception that we have. That's a feeling. It's like a gut feeling when we see someone walking or you know, they're n they're not they're not right or they're talking to themselves and and everybody just you know, no one wants to help them. Who was it? really fine. Keanu Reeves. sat do you know this story where he sat down with a mentally ill homeless person and literally sat down next to him and started talking to him about his whole You know, I think I just saw something on it. It's a beautiful story. I mean he is an e extraordinary man. Extraordinary man. He just built a whole hospital that's free for people. He's extraordinary. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah. It's i i you know that's when people start with that kind of wealth. They can make so much of a difference in this world and impact. So It's just amazing. And it's beautiful when they choose to. yes. It's really beautiful when they choose to, yeah. For sure. And where can where can people where can people find What's your next? out more about you? Where can people find you on the internet? Okay, so you'll go to Terry Bean, www.terrybeanauthor dot com. And that's where you'll find my books and a lot of the media and the podcast, your podcast will be up you know, once we download it and such. And ~ also check out the innermagic club dot com. Because the innermagic club dot com is right now a landing page.~ that has a lot of the building blocks of the portals that are gonna start to open up once I launch. ~ and it's quite it's quite an investment and it's quite a undertaking right now. So but it's fun and it's a mission. And I really like I said before to your audience, I really hope they join me on it because I think the world deserves more. And I believe that the children can create that once they understand that they can. Vellana agree. I love it. And the last thing here is we covered a lot of ground in the conversation tonight. Is there anything that you'd like to bring up that we did not discuss?~ My goodness, no, I don't think so. I mean it's an an hour and thirty-two minutes. That's amazing, Travis. I think it's the longest podcast and I think it's because we just had such an absolutely beautiful conversation. Yeah. I mean it was fantastic. I don't know what you're gonna do with all of this, Yeah. ~ no, it's it I all I keep but it's really fantastic. it all really raw and I I love these conversations. Wow. It's awesome. That's why I do this. Yeah. I d I don't think anything. I think, you know, I I'm hoping that I've dropped a couple of gems and if anybody has any questions or wants to connect with me in any way, there's the contact page on my website. I'm really happy and so open to conversations.~ you know, I love it. And I'm here to help anyone I can in any way. And I'm also here to take any kind of Criticism and constructive criticism and advice. you know, my hand is raised for it all. I mean you get to a stage where you just have to, you know, you know, you're also you're also we're all on our own journey, you know, and and allowing for that,~ that's a big one with the mom who's ninety-two. She t you know, I can't tell her what to do. She's ninety two years old. Whatever she wants to do, she's gonna do. So that's her journey. And the minute I That was just amazing sense of freedom. Amazing. So yeah. So feel free. Awesome. Well, Terry, thank you so much for for joining me tonight. And I know it's a little bit later there than it is here. So thanks for bearing with me. I really admire your optimism and your happy attitude that Course. you seem to carry. I think it's a a great vibe to have. You thank you~ so much. Really appreciate that. I really do. And this has been lovely. So thank you. And and best to you and and your wife and your and your kids. my goodness, you're gonna have to send me some kind of a picture. Thank you. Thank you. I'm gonna have to send you books, the whole thing. We'll figure it out. My hands are full, for sure. And Yeah. Yeah. thank you to all those that are listening. If this episode resonates with you, please share and leave a review. Thanks again. Until next time.